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Introduction to The Beaver Chronicals...Beaver is our HCBM's nickname

halo1998's picture they say..long time luker first time blogger.


Overview of the cast of characters.

SM of 10+ years.  Married to DH (currently dear hubby but that changes to dickhead on occassion) for 10 years, together 13 years.

Kids..we got em..

BS21 - currently a college senior will graduate in the fall. Woohoo..he was diagnosed at 7 with Aspergers (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and through much therapy and support his is a fully self functioning adult. 

DD18 - graduates HS in 10 days is supposed to be going to the University of Glasgow next year. But COVID-19 is putting a major wrench in that plan. We are in the US...and currently UK is closed for VISA's etc.  She is a 30 year old in a teenager body. 

SS18 - PAS out for over a year.  Haven't seen him since May of 2019.  Currently failing school in a specatular fasion, trying to be a the next great white rapper (snort).  Lives in Beaver's condo basement.  This is Beaver's golden child.  He can do no wrong in her eyes.  Probably has NBPD (Non Diagnosed Boarderline Personality Disordered)

SD14 - not a bad kid. Has ADD like her Dad and wants nothing more that to have her mother's attention and praise.  This is Beaver's scapegoat.  Always wrong in somesort of fashion.  Frequently gets pooped on by her mother.

Beaver - The High Conflict Money grubbing NBPD ex of my DH.

The Village Idiot - my ex. A diagnosed Narcissit (yep the custody evaluator straight up diagnosed him when we wen through a custody battle 10 years ago).  He is mostly moot since he can't get any narc supply from me anymore.  Grayrocking works y'all.

So there you have it...our Overview.

So for the first Beaver chronicals...I will tell you why she is named Beaver.  Her other name is Dumb as Box of Rocks....because well she is.


On to my story..


Back when SD14 was about 3, SD was taking a bath.  Well like all 3 years she was more interested in playing in the water than actually cleaning anything on her body.  DH being the good Dad, was in the bathroom with her and was telling her to wash the various parts of her body.  You know...wash your arms, your legs, your hands, your face and well DH did quite know what to say about her private parts so he said wash your hoohaw.  I was in the other room when I heard the following:

SD:  What do you mean hoohaw?

DH:  you know your private areas.

SD:  oh well that isn't what Mommy calls it.

DH:  Really?  Ok what does Mommy call it?

SD: She calls it my Beaver.  She tells me I have to wash my Beaver.

DH:  Uh...UH....yea we are not going to call it that. We will stick with Hoohaw.

Me in the other room....WTF....Beaver...who the h*ll calls it a beaver. 

Later to me..

DH: WTF...what is that is about.  Is this Hustler or something.  Jeasus the last thing I need is SD going around calling it her Beaver.  Everyone will think she learned that from me and think I'm some sort of pervert.  


And that is how Beaver earned her what was even funnier was a few years later a femine hygiene company came out with a campaign that read...A good Beaver is a Clean Beaver.  I about peed my pants in the salon when I read that ad.

I have many more antics of Beaver to chronical so stay tuned.



Crspyew's picture

Smiling up at of my favorite songs by Safire, the Uppity Blues Women.

And why not go with girly bits vice howhaw?

advice.only2's picture

Oh my god did you ever see The Office Dundies where Phyllis got the Dundie for Bushiest Beaver (it was supposed to be busiest)...that's all I kept thinking about when I read this thread