I'm posting sporadically, and in no chronological order, only what comes to me.

I was into the first year of my relationship with my then boyfriend and was living with him and his two eldest children (SS11 and SD8). I left everything behind om the city, my carrer, traded my car, my family, becuase I wanted to be with him. We fell in love quickly. 

One day at work, it was almost the end of the day and by then boyfriend (now soon to be exhusband) called me that Child Protective Services called him and told him they had his then almost 2-year old son. Apparently the mother had a mental breakdown and was being held under psychiatric evaluation. He had not seen his son in months at this time and was sad at the situation, but happy that he would be reunited with his son. On the phone I told him that as soon I was out of work I'd go buy necessities for his son and that I was there for him and his son 100%. 

Fast forward a few months and it proved to be a challenging task. I gave his son affection, cared for him, and tried to be there for him. Mostly this went well at first, but as MIL started watching his son (we both worked) things changed a bit. The in-laws didn't like that i was trying to be step mom. The child was incredibly difficult, as any 2 year old would be. Terrible Twos. My husband ultimately won full physical custody of his son.

Fast forward some years and I refuse to watch his son alone. One day, he was almost four, he was throwing a fit, I was pregnant with my daughter, and i grabbed his shoulder to guide him to his room to cool down (not agressively, not forcefully). He paused, looked up at me, and said "You're touching me...". At this time i was on maternal disability due to a complicated preganancy so i watched him full time. I freaked out. Immensely. Oh my the trouble this could get me in. I talked to my husband told him I did not feel comfortable alone with him, at least not until he could understand the implications he was making. So we started paying his mother $150 per week to watch my husbands son. It was a relief, he was such a difficult kid. My husbands family resented me immediately and my husbands sister came to my home one day and tried to butt-in my life and disrespect me. We don't speak since then (almost 4 years). 

Fast forward more, the child has gotten kicked out of 2 elementary schools already, suspensions, anger issues, teachers call atleast 3 times a week regarding his inappropriate rude behavior. Even my husbands mother has said "I understand your wife now" but ofcourse always gets over it. 

To all of you with step kids out there that have a hard time dealing with your feelings as inadequate, mean, or guilt. I understand you. I felt the same things. But I tried. I tried with the kids and he refused me, and that's ok. My children are my priority now, not his. And that is okay. Not everyone can have a peachy blended family like in the movies. it is unreal especially when you have a partner that is not a partner.