Manipulative Daughter
I am not going to start at the very beginning, it will take too long. Instead, let me give you a brief synopsis of the beginning of my story of what has lead to my post today.
I didn't have children when I met my husband, and I dreamt of being a mother. I loved kids. So when he told me he had three children from two different relationships (we will call theem mom#1 and mom#2) I didn't mind too much. He left out the fact that the oldest children (mboth from mom#1) boy age 11 and girl age 8 lived with him. My husband and I fell in love quickly and I left my life in the city and moved in with him to the Inland Empire. Aftern some time of me moving in, CPS called him that they had his almost 2 year old sono (mom#2). I accepeted with open loving arms.
I tried for long to be a good mother to them. Treated them as I wanted to them to be raised, set rules (little chores), had family activities, and shared my account with my husband. This is an important fact. I never separated my money from my husbands although I had not kids and he had three.
Fast forward three years, life has been extremely difficcult with his kids. All of them. My husband never gives me my place and when they do something, he tells them "next time you do this, next time, next time." Needless to say, there is never a next time. At age 12 his daughter ran away. She has begged him for years to let her live with her maternal grandmother, and my husband does not accept. She ran away to the grandmothers home. My husband found her right away and she refused to come back. The cops were involved and she presented false alegations towards my huband. She claimed to be afraid of him (since i've been with him he slapped her on the mouth once because she cussed him out). She claimed he was abusive (not sexualy) and that I always purposedly got in her trouble. CPS came into my home and interviewed and took pictures of my then 3 year old and 6 month baby. I was incredibly angry. I could not believe that my children were going through this.
Fast forward again, the daughter didn't like living with the grandmother and said she wanted to come back home. At which point I told my husband that we needed to see an attitude change. When we lived together, I literally got home fromm work and ate in my room. She made the ugliest faces at me and was cruel. She used to call my mom our maid (mom helps me watch my kids when Im at work.She is really toxic.
I told my husband she needed to prove some growth before she came back home and so CPS placed her in his sisters home. She got kicked out of his sisters home for seaking out with boys and bringing boys into the hours in the midddle of the night. Turns out she was sexualy active. After the sisters house, she moved in with my husbands mother, and continues to have character issues and a lousy attitude. She got in a fight with my husband and she told CPS she didn't want to live with him. Again ,she involves CPS instead of talking to my husband.
They made up and he brought her over for a visit one day, and she didn't leavve. So I felt my husband basically went around me didn't discuss anything, and moved her in. He asked that i talked to her in private and I recorded. She said nothing that had happened in the past was any of my businesss. That she never did anything to me and that she would never change. She said I brought her dad's life down. My husband heard this recording. We decided to separate.
He says he can't be with someone who can't accept his daughter. I never said i wont accept her. I said I wont live with her again unti she changes, which only days ago she advised she wont.
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Comments
I'm so sorry this has
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Honestly, though, if he says he doesn't want to be with you due to this, and he has 3 kids with 2 unfit BMs (assuming the other is unfit since they don't live with her), and the kids are this difficult, will you be that much worse off without him?
I agree. It's just hard. I
I agree. It's just hard. I ask myself if I'm a terrible person because I won't live with his daughter. I know it hurts him but I'm afraid of what she can do to me and subsequently my kids. It's not worth the anxiety.
I agree...don't subject your
I agree...don't subject your bio kids to this...or yourself! It's a matter of time before she blames you for something and calls CPS on you...you could lose custody of your children!
You dodged a bullet. I wish your exH luck. This girl is going to become a drug addict, rob him blind and end up getting pregnant. He's in for a bumpy road
My mom says the same thing.
My mom says the same thing. That she will always be troubled and at the end of the day we are there for our kids and her dad needs to be there for her.
What you have here is a crap husband and a crap father
Instead of protecting his minor kids, he'd rather pamper and cowtow to his whore of a princess because she is damaged goods courtesies of mum and dad.
the moment my skids crossed the line with boundaries, privacy and severe disrespect, that was it!! It has been over 2 yrs i have refused any contact or be fuilted into any meets with my husband and them. Hubby thought he'd give me a few months to cook down and ask again so we can fake a 1 big happy family
when i ask him what about them has changed?? He says they apologized to me for how they behave. The reality is the eldest stepdaughter said "sorry if we did anything wrong" and to him, not us. I will not subject my kids who are 3 &4 to so-called half siblings who yoyo with their fake relationships. My kids deserve and require stability, not bs from the dysfunctional skids.
this is non negotiable for me as my kids are minors. I do not see my kids wanting any relationship with half siblings, i mean sd's claimed my husband went to witch doctors to do black magic and voodoo crap against her. Reality was she couldn't stand the fact my husband divorced her crappy arse and found a real woman, wife and mother to marry
So she didn't even admit to
So she didn't even admit to the wrong doing! Sorry IF I did anything wrong is not a true apology. I feel you. 100 percent I know what you're going through as well. Unfortunately I'm always the bad one. Because the daughter is just a kids. That's always the excuse. She is just. A kid.
Honestly, the kid is his
Honestly, the kid is his responsibility, not that of various relatives. It makes sense that she should be with him. That being said, if he won't parent better, then it's time for you to go.
He agreed to place them in
He agreed to place them in his relatives home to give me time and see if she would change. I see and agree with what you say, but in a way he was trying to give us time. But she didn't and she won't so now he's moving out and taking her back without me of course.
I feel for everything you
I feel for everything you have been through. Years of of being used and mistreated. You are absolutely right in your position to demand that girl gets help. Her behavior is only going to get worse. She is still young and her father is setting her up for failure.
I would be thankful you are out of that situation. He just gave her more power and control and she will use it. As far as SD is concerned she got rid of you band now it will be easier for her to manipulate her father. I feel for any woman he tries to get involved with now. She will make sure to run them out.
I would keep BKs as far away from that home as possible. There is plenty of documentation through CPS to support your claim.
Wow. You're right. It hurts
Wow. You're right. It hurts but it's true. He did just let her win. We spoke with a therapist and their new social worker and they both told him the same thing. That she is manipulative. I've never asked him not to suppport her and be there for her. I wanted them to haven A great relationship but not have her in my home. She makes me miserable and makes us fight like crazy
SD21 Feral Forger
She was a total nightmare as a teen, when I first met her. Cut to now (if you want gory details read my blogs), and shes still a nightmare. Stealing, filthy, rude, disrespectful. Just not to me, because she lives with her mother, Toxic Troll. Shes tried moving back in and put DH on the spot Christmas Day. "Dont you want me there Daddy?" Sobbing and crying and begging.
Meanwhile, during this phone call, Munchkin SD14 was begging us not to let her back in, that if we did she would destroy herself.
DH is understanding that yes, she is his daughter, but she needs tough love and not just a place to land when her mother asks her to clean and her meds are making her tired.
Feral Forger is very manipulative, and watching my husband sit there with tears streaming down his face was the worst thing, but he was strong because he knows that he would lose me. He would lose everything we have worked for.
He is free to have a relationship - outside our home. We have separate finances so if he wants to give her some cash here and there no biggie. BUT I have made a vow that I will NEVER live with her again, ever.
Sorry you are going through this, but glad that you got out before its too late.