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My SDs fart butterflies and my MIL is the Entomologist...

GoldenGoose's picture


I have become a rather cynical person. I used to have a wonderful sense of humor; I really did! For that reason, my ramblings tend to be on the darker side of normal. Please do not confuse cynicism for anything other than that. Many apologies, for those who may be offended, by my writing style. Kudos to those who make it through my blogs and have been able to sort out all of the sordid details. I have decided to blog to divest myself of the bad energy; a therapy of sorts. Okay... onward...

*** end of disclaimer***

Yes, I have always said that my SD (30) farts butterflies and my DH's family stares off in wonderment at the beauty that comes straight from her ass. Biggrin Actually, this opinion applies to all of my MIL's granddaughters. It is amazing! Let me first preface this next story, by saying, my own children are not perfect. They have given me my fair share of grey hair. But, I also KNOW that they can do wrong. Imagine that? There are repercussions for their behavior. I am a solid disciplinarian. My ExH, carries punishments through, in his home and likewise. I know that I am lucky… blah, blah blah... ok toot toot!

Like many of you, my MIL would cut off her left proverbial testicle to be in the same room as the SDs. :sick: Were it not for the extreme hatred of the troll (BM#2) for my MIL, they would be going over more often to shake the money tree. But, the girls (SD19 and 16) rarely go over. They see her approximately twice per year (conveniently around birthdays and Christmas). However, this year, they went to see her an extra time so that SD19, could show off her new spawn. SD19 has completely severed my DH from her life. I know it started with the PAS campaign, but also, her repeated requests for things like: a car, $150 sneakers, and a new computer. Mind you, at this time, she would not see him, but despite this, she felt she was entitled to big-ticket items. DH said no. Most of you know, what that means. Still, he is devastated that he doesn't have contact. I have explained that he is being punished. If you give her those things, she may or may not reward your text with the affectionate, "K." in response to anything he writes to her. Wink I digress.... This story was about butterflies. Anyway....

Does anyone in DH's family intercede on his behalf? That would be a resounding, "no." So, there are plans underway for the heralded visit of SD and newly born spawn. Fearing that my DH may inconveniently stop by, while this visit is occurring, all involved are at the ready with "plans" for the day. I knew something was up. We, both, occasionally lurk on FB. Why do they think we friends with BM#1? Is it because she is the most dynamic person we know? No. We can see other's FB post as a result of being friends with her through the "friends of friends" privacy option. We capitalize on this on some occasions, and quite honestly, this is THE only way my DH can know what is going onhis DD's lives. Please, don't judge. Wink LOL. On my previous blog, I did explain that I am not the disengaging type.

So, we know this little get-together is going to happen. I cannot help myself. We must call MIL. This is a woman who has previously issued a proclamation to the family that she will not partake in "splitting." If people do not like each other, they will have to deal with it. She is not going to have separate parties/get-togethers/arrangements. Everyone needs to learn to get along. (In other words, Golden Goose, you need to learn to suck it up, anticipate dog crap treatment. Be prepared to be the scape-goat when the grand-children don’t show up. This is your lot in life!) All the while, she has forgotten that troll hates her and as a result of the PAS campaign, now GDs do not like MIL as well. She still feels that the reason that the GDs don't come and visit her as that they are worried about running in to me. Really? I go over 3-4 times per year. SD (16) works 20 feet (minor exaggeration, but you get the picture), from her house and doesn't pop in to see her. Now, before anyone starts thinking that I am instigating a fight or am the cause of the “splitting,” please know that my MIL has gone out of her way to insure that we are barely included in ANYTHING. DH and I always are served the leftover scraps. Once the party is over, we are then invited over. There is resentment here. Sad

So, we wanted to test this new plan of my MIL's. DH calls her on this much-anticipated day. DH tells her that we are shopping at the mall, right down the road from her house (We are home, an hour a way) and are thinking about stopping in for a short visit, in a few hours. ((Please, remember that she proclaimed there would be no further splitting. She wanted to let the chips fall where they may)) Pause... "Oh! I am going to get my hair done." "No problem," DH says, "I will just drop by, quickly, to see BIL." Her reply was that he had just left to go see a friend and would not be home. Okay, NP. Okay, maybe we are wrong. Perhaps, we misread FB. Maybe, they are not going to her house today. naaaaahhhh! Fast-forward a few hours: new pics on FB of MIL, BIL, SIL, crazy niece and grand spawn in MIL's kitchen. My DH makes a 180 turn, now and says, "Oh, I am glad that they brought the baby to see mom." Can you hear the steady thud*thud*thud of my head, hitting a wall? I have a CT scan of my self-inflicted concussion, to prove my ongoing frustration (j/k). Why, dear Lord, does he think it is okay for his family to lie about seeing SD (16 and 19) Ugh! I just know that one of the activities my MIL does, in preparation for their much anticipated arrival, is to remove, from the shelf, our wedding portrait. Someday, I am going to secretly crazy glue it to the shelf. I can see it now, all of those flakes of wood veneer, gently wafting to the carpet, as she hurriedly hides any evidence that I exist. I really did not have a contentious relationship with my previous MIL. I shall detach, disengage, dehisce (well, maybe not dehisce)... there has to be a "d" word that I actually could follow through... drink, deliberate.... dry heave... well, you get the picture...

DH's daughters set out what they meant to do and used MIL and her family, in the process. They WANTED photos of grand spawn with ILs to hit FB. They wanted my DH to feel as though he is the only one who has missed out. We have been through this before. We know how it works with them. They thought that they hit their mark. Thankfully, in this instance, my DH is thinking completely selflessly and is only concerned about his mother. "Isn't it just blessed that she was able to hold the great grand spawn?" Dirol He doesn't comment on the photos that BIL and SIL posted... nothing. What's funny is, I don't think he actually cared, once he saw the photos. It had an almost opposite effect on him. I think I care what their intentions are, more than he does. Food for thought.... See, now this is where this blogging thing is coming in handy. I am realizing, truly what my issues are. I need to, dare I say it, "disengage."

But, I certainly can't end it at that.....

As if this whole convoluted mess makes any sense, let me expand on this a little further. BM#1 used to hate BM #2 (troll) and vice versa. Troll was jealous of the ongoing mutual admiration of MIL and BM #1. The relationship between MIL and BM#1 doesn't bother me, in the slightest. At times, BM #1 seems pretty chill (a new term that I learned from my kids). I am not crazy about her co-dependence with SD(30), but if it doesn't directly effect me, right now, she is okay; a little passive-aggressive, but I have that covered. So, BM#1 and troll hated each other, until DH divorced the troll. BM#1 and troll became fast friends when SD(30) and the troll found their way to mutual hatred of DH. Well, BM#1 is a double agent, of sorts. Dirol She speaks to me, DH and also the troll and all SDs and well, of course, MIL. A few weeks ago, DH and BM#1 are talking on the phone, regarding SD(30)'s issues. BM#1 blurts out that she has seen pics of SD19's baby on FB and "isn't he beautiful? Did you get to see the pics?" Oh, how I wish that my DH had more gosh damn foresight, so that he could have come up with a cleverly worded response! He tells her that he did see the pics and that his girls are not speaking to him blah blah blah and then quickly changed the subject. To which, she responded that she heard that SD16 would be "coming around real soon" and should begin speaking to him again. Hmmmmmmm...... Call me cynical, but she is a junior in High School, with excellent grades and her eye on college. Let me guess on when she will try and reestablish a relationship with her father, again? At the risk of being jumped on, keep reading...

DH knows that I have NO PROBLEM helping her or her brother with some college expenses. His dissolution does not cite that he or the troll have to pay for college or its expenses. But, we will try and do what is right. However, because once CS ends in June 2013, our expenses will merge, we will be moving to a different house and there will no longer be a "his account/her account" situation, but rather an "our account" endeavor. Therefore, if my children or his children need to have money for college, they will sit with BOTH of us, at our dining table, in order to discuss finances. (BTW, this is something we BOTH agreed with) My DS has already done this and my DH was included in the financial end of the college talk. I expect the same courtesy. We are on the same page. I am not sure that SD16 is "up" for such a discussion.

Contrary to DH's family, I do not think that gold embossed butterflies are born bred and released from her rear. I care not what they think of me (fairly obvious, correct?), but rather what my DH thinks, considering what he has gone through, with them. Unfortunately, my DH has the memory of a tsetse fly, but I make up for that with my elephant-like recall.

So, circling back to my original issue. My MIL thinks that she has now made significant headway with the SDs. They came to her house. They care about her! She is a trusted ally! (it is sad, really) How could I be THE only one that knows that they went there for one purpose and one purpose only? It rattles my brain! “It's hard to argue against cynics - they always sound smarter than optimists because they have so much evidence on their side“ No one could see that the photo-op was designed to hurt DH, who could see these photos on FB. They were using HER. So, apparently, thinking that she had her "in," she keeps calling SD19. She has an outfit for the baby. Why can't she return her repeated calls?

Thud* thud*thud!

SD19 does not return the repeated calls/texts, from MIL. How is this my problem or my DH's problem? Well, who do you think MIL calls? My response: "I am glad I don't have to deal with it. I'm sorry, but didn't we have this same conversation, last year?" My DH's response: "Do you have SD19's phone number? I will call her." Well, yes, MIL has her number, but since SD19 does not want DH to have the new number, MIL cannot give it to DH.


Now, DH is upset. How ever is he to help her? Should he go to her low-income housing apartment and knock on her door? Perhaps, SD's big goon BF will answer the door.... I told him that if he should not risk life and limb to insure that his mother gets a call back. This is her (MIL's) issue, not his. JMHO

So now, we wait with baited breath, for the soon-to-be reunion of SD16 and DH. I can't wait. Wink I wonder what she will talk to him about at their first meeting? I will arm him with a butterfly net, just in case one of those gold-gilded creatures escapes. We could make some money here. Have you seen the price of gold?

I have... I am...

The Golden Goose


Auteur's picture

MIL's testicle is "PROVERBIAL?" I think I actually saw a bulge around the Wookie crotchtal region (The Behemoth's BM)

"BM#1 blurts out that she has seen pics of SD19's baby on FB and "isn't he beautiful? Did you get to see the pics?" :sick:

princessandthepee's picture

Defecate, detonate, destroy, damn, drawbridge up, deaden, depress . . . I get the picture, you draw it quite well. And I think your writing is hilarious, dang funny.

GoldenGoose's picture

Oh, the things that happen over a 12-hour period of time.

My DH speaks to MIL, for what seems like the umpteenth time in a 3-day period.  Of course they need to regurgitate, chew, swallow and reedigest the issue of SD19 not calling MIL back.  I am trying to turn over a new leaf.... Disengage.  I offer no advice.  I am a mute.  I say nothing.  It is entertaining, so I can't find my way to leave the room, but i am offering no advice, no input.  I am merely a fly on the wall.  An irritated fly, but a fly nonetheless.

The conversation slowly turns to Christmas.  This is the time of year that most of us step-parents get to demonstrate our ability to be flexible, to give up our plans for our new families and yes, to swallow more crap in a one month period than a dung beetle does in its lifetime.  

Last year, my MIL and FIL came to my sister's house.  By ALL accounts, everyone had a very pleasant time.  My DH has never been allowed to have any of his children for the holidays, even though he has a good relationship with his DS.  So.....  Apparently, a month ago, unbenownst to my DH, my MIL made the decision (in a vacuum )to host Christmas.  Without asking my DH or myself what our plans are, she decided that since she heard that my family has an extended family Christmas Eve party, that DH, me, SS (yes, we are getting him this year), BD, BD and BS, will be coming to her house for dinner at 2pm.  First, my family is not having a Christmas Eve party this year.  Her response: "well, you went last year.  How was I to know?". Alexander Graham Bell invented this very nifty thing.  It's called a phone.  You have two of them......  

Mind you, at my DH's surprise BDay party on 11/3, my sister asked MIL and FIL about Christmas.  They had a conversation.  I, mistakenly thought it was set.  I know, one should never ASSume.  Call me an ass.  That's okay.  I am alright with that. I am a SM!  LOL LOL

She doesn't want to hear that we have plans.  She is having Christmas.  We are all going.  She is inviting the SDs... All of them.  "I am not having separate events.  I am inviting SDs and i am telling that Golden Goose is going to be there and if they don't come, then they don't get a gift.". I am not going to MIL's s house.  My father has dementia.  We do not have much time that he will remember events/people etc. I am going to my sister's.  My biokids do not like MIL's house.  They are going to my sister's house.  Thank you, for making plans for me, though. Wink  

My DH has to figure out what he and SS are going to do.  As far as SDs; I told my DH to text SD16 to let her know that I will not be going to MIL's house.  So, that when they don't show up, DH can tell MIL that it was NOT because I was going to be there.  They will be told in advance and it was their choice.  MIL needs to address their relationship with her.  I am not the cause of their issues. Smile

GoldenGoose's picture

Isn't that what prostitutes do? Of course, it takes two. Rather a symbiotic relationship if you ask me.

EXACTLY!!! You have described this relationship to a "T!"