Just Need A Place To Vent
I'm in dire need of a place to vent. Also, does anyone know the protocol if your SS is just 18 as far as whether he's considered an adult or teenage step at this stage?
When I met my fiancé 5 years ago on a dating site, I liked him a lot and we had an instant connection. He is a sweet, intelligent, caring man. I was still reluctant because he had sole custody of his then-13 son. I think my dear fiancé maaaaaaaaaybe embellished a bit about the kid's motivation and direction in life. He also definitely didn't mention that he has moderate-severe GPS. And that's where I guess I may have made a mistake in insisting on not meeting FSS for the first year-ish and keeping things with DF to a weekend together here and there.
The fact that BM was willing to have him to her place for two weekends while I spent them at DF's apartment was comforting and led me to believe that maybe she liked having him over sometimes, but it turned out those were the 1st times she'd seen him in about 3 years, and she wasn't super interested in seeing him often after that. In the 4 years we've been living together, she's only had him over to hers once more. FSS18 definitely still hasn't quite recovered from her general lack of interest. No child support or anything, either, and the couple of times she had him she actually called DF to ask for money and openly complained that he eats too much (which, to be fair, he really does, but I feel like she should have been willing to suck it up and not make the kid feel bad given how little time or effort she's given him since he was, like, 7).
But it turns out the homeschooling situation was a pretty lax one that mostly included DF making him read history and science books and then talking with him about it before bed. Bed for DF, that is, because FSS18 has not had a bedtime ever in life. He went to bed / goes to bed when all his gaming friends have logged off their Xboxes for the night. Once his 18th hit, he made it pretty clear that he was done with "homeschooling". I send him links to GED prep sites and fun math and grammar sites all the time, and he knows he can ask me any questions he wants and let me know when he's ready and I'll help him schedule his testing and even drive him there, but that's as involved as I'm willing to get. It's honestly just too frustrating to watch him not try at all and I don't have the patience, so I never push him on anything... which I guess is how his bios feel, to be fair.
I was also under the impression that he had big plans to join the Army at 18, but I can't imagine that having worked out for him. He is too embarrassed by criticism to put it to any use, and the idea that he would ever get up early, make his bed, and go for a run or some shit is the best giggle I'll have all day. I will grant that he works out for about 30 minutes a day, but there's no routine to it, it happens when he decides he wants to. Anyhow, when the time came, he wanted to see how the elections went because he thought an administration change would mean he was definitely going to have to fight in some war he didn't support. I honestly think it was mostly just a cop-out. I would never say as much to him, but I don't think at this point he's got what it would take to serve successfully, and maybe deep down he realized that, too.
So to FSS18, life is basically Xbox and chatting with his online girlfriend. He is a sweet kid but there's a little manipulation to it, as well. He has daily chores but they happen every other day at best, and he's got what he and DF like to call "mess-blindness". DF did the "clean up for when she comes over" thing and I just assumed he didn't keep his house a god-awful mess, but they didn't bother with the clean-up the day I moved in and, yeah, they are very happy to live in lazy-bachelor conditions. I point out the obvious stuff to them and handle the rest as well as I can. It's mostly up to standard, at least. *ROFL*
FSS18's laziness truly knows no bounds. I think I mentioned "sweet kid" before, and he mostly really is, but he has no motivation and no direction in life. He's super immature, as well, which I guess is to be expected with an 18-year-old, it's not like he's had much experience outside home... but he doesn't seem interested. He's been talking to his online girl for almost a year now and they're both 18 and I was sure that by now he would be dying to meet her in person, but there's been absolutely no mention of that unless they're keeping it to themselves for some reason. I can't imagine he wouldn't mention it to DF and I if it was something he really wanted. He knows I support the idea of him traveling because I'm always trying to express how much there is to do and see, and how much easier it is when you're young. The fact that my little basement-dweller is rarely upstairs doesn't seem to have changed DF's mind on limited physical intimacy for fear that we might be overheard or something, so I'd also just plain like to have him out of the house once in a while. *ROFL* Plus it's one less person to cook for and clean up after.
OK, I think this is enough rambling for now.