Does dh answer evertime bm calls?
This weekend I planned a fun adventure for us. We went to my sisters ranch Friday night and stayed until last night. It's 3 hours away so we were out of town. Bm called Saturday morning while we were having breakfast and dh didn't answer his phone. Surprise surprise dhs stepdad called and dh knew it was related to bm so he didn't answer and just checked his voicemail. His dad (stepdad) left a voice mail that said he was going to pick ss up for him and let him know when he is coming to get him. Dh called his dad to ask why he had ss, and apparently bm got called into work and called dh to offer FROR and when he didn't answer she called his parents. Dh went outside and came back in frustrated saying he needed to go get ss. I told him enjoy the 3 hour car ride home and then the 3 hour car ride back to get us and then the 3 hour car ride back home when we leave. I also asked him if he got permission to keep ss over night or was he going to just stay home with him and come get us tomorrow. He wound up calling his dad and telling him he wasn't coming home and that bm didn't give him notice and his step dad laid the guilt on thick. He was grouchy for a few minutes after talking to his dad and then we went horse back riding and he was fine. We had a great weekend. When we got home last night my girls had uploaded all their pictures they took to Instagram and dhs dad called furious that he was off playing daddy to my girls. His dad isn't on Instagram so I am guessing his mom is on the bandwagon now. I'm hesitant to remove his mom from their accounts but this is bullcrap! I am so frustrated and sick of this drama that I told dh I don't want to hear it anymore. He needs to deal with his parents and bm without telling me about it.
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Dh would have taken him if we
Dh would have taken him if we had been home.
I'm not sure about alienating
I'm not sure about alienating dhs mom like that. Her friends dd took her off (she took a lot of people off not just mil) and she went on for weeks about it being a slap in the face. She would take it very personable and I'm not sure I want that.
SF needs to butt out. Big
SF needs to butt out. Big time.
I know it. This is really out
I know it. This is really out of character for him. Dh and his dad have always been extremely close and this has really driven a wedge between them.
Do you think maybe SF is
Do you think maybe SF is having a mid-life crisis?
I honestly don't think that he understands what he's dealing with. It's wonderful that he stepped up to the plate for your DH and was there for him. But step-families are like snowflakes each one is it's own unique kind of crazy.
IMHO it's okay for you and DH to plan and have your lives on your time. I think we all know of experience that if we jumped every time a Bio-parent wanted something they would quickly take control of our lives and not in a good way.
From what I can comprehend of the situation, I think SF needs to understand that he has seemingly set her on a power-trip which and is trying to use SF against DH to control him. It's kind of sick.
I only know because BM1 tried
I only know because BM1 tried to do it to me.
She is such a sucky mom that SO and I agreed we would take SS whenever he was offered. I work from home, so she would call me at 1 wanting me to pick SS up from school at 2:30 (which sometimes I travel for appointments) and would do this ALL the time because she "had to work".
It got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore and I would tell her, you give me a week's notice or bust.
It really does make it almost impossible to have a job, a life or any rhyme or reason to anything.
BM did what she is suppose to
BM did what she is suppose to do. Offered Dad rights of first refusal. After that any of the other crap is all on your DH, you and Paw Paw.
Why do you keep insisting on blaming and faulting a woman who has not caused a bit of all your recent 'issues'? Focus on the real problem which is DH, you and Paw Paw. Besides, I thought you had all this damage repair and painting to be doing *shrugs*...oh well, horseback riding sounds like a nice break from reality of vandalism clean-up.
The repair work will begin
The repair work will begin when ss is home. Why should my children be the only ones put out when our home is vandalized?
So you just live two weeks in
So you just live two weeks in the mess? Ok. Whatever. It's your house. Frankly, I'd hire it done.
The mess was cleaned up after
The mess was cleaned up after it happened except the mustard on my ceiling that I can't get off. repairs need to be made to the holes in the walls and areas need to be repainted. We are going to do that this weekend when ss is home. So that he is as inconvenienced as we are. Also my dds will be getting new tvs while ss watches since his wasn't broke. When he complains I will explain to him that he doesn't need a new one and that the intruder didn't break his like my poor dds.
Your daughters probably would
Your daughters probably would have liked to have their tvs replaced right away. You could have made the same 'point' when SS arrives and sees girls have new tvs, he doesn't.
You're punishing the girls by thinking you'll punish SS. A tv is a tv regardless of when it's gotten. Are you selecting huge 32" tvs for the girls while SS's is a dinky 13"? Be careful there, Paw Paw will arrive at your front door with a 55" for SS
My girls will be receiving
My girls will be receiving the same size tv they had before and I waited because I wanted him to see that his damaging my girls stuff only worked out in their favor. Him seeing the tvs won't have the same impact as him having to watch them get new tvs at the store and the excitement of setting them up.
Excitement of setting up a
Excitement of setting up a television? Ok, if such things are exciting to them. They live a pretty sheltered life, I guess. I'd think the new curtains and bedding sets would be more excitable than watching a tv be set up. What kind of comforter sets are the girls getting?
They got new sheets from
They got new sheets from Walmart.
This will all back fire in
This will all back fire in your face, eventually your DH will see you for what you are.
My only worry here is that
My only worry here is that your using this as a way to punish him but not directly. Your taking a jab at what is a child. I know your mad and should be but this will only fuel the fire more.
You're adding to the 'they buy stuff for for daughters but not me' and expecting him to connect the dots.
Children and teens do not have adult brains. They are not capable of thinking like adults. Unless you get him something too he will feel left out and no he's not going to understand.
You are the adult. Be the adult. You know he feels left out already because he will see sisters getting stuff and he doesn't. He doesn't understand that they need it and he doesn't.
This will not have the impact you want.
Ok, tell the judge that 'the
Ok, tell the judge that 'the whore bothered Dad with ROFR and when Dad didn't answer she offered it to SS's grandparents'.
Do you understand what ROFR is? Once exercised , BM is free to call any sitter she please. The child's grandparents are not a stretch , nor is BM responsible for what Paw Paw does.
I think she realized she
I think she realized she created tension between dh and his dad and she is using ss to weasel her way in. His parents are really well off and I think she is trying to paint herself as an abandoned ex wife left to raise the kid by herself.
I'm starting to get the
I'm starting to get the picture now. I had the feeling his parents were offering something she wanted.
His parents have never liked
His parents have never liked her and insisted dh have a prenup before they married that his parents paid for. They refer to her as the gold digging whore or at least they used to.
Babysitters , have no legal
Babysitters , have no legal rights. Grandparents babysit. Paternal and maternal grandparents. Geez, blood is blood. A babysitter is a babysitter. Perhaps BM has a list she goes down and the first three or four said no. *shrugs*
It's not illegal to ask someone to babysit and grandparents are usual targets. Maybe BM's parent, siblings, whoever (typically trusted last minute familiar sitters) live far or are dead or work on weekends...or, ah, maybe it's all just more of the evil conniving bat sh*t crazy BM trying to set Dad up as a failure. Lol.
D*mn, I must be pretty bored on this rainy gloomy Monday to be paying this much attention to the continuation of this saga.
I think if SF took SS and
I think if SF took SS and said "I'm going to have him for the day for BM while she works" it would be a different story.
The demand on SF's part that DH immediately drop whatever he is doing on a whim to accommodate BM is ridiculous. If it's feasible, DH should absolutely do it. He's 3 hours away. This wasn't planned.
Sorry nope. It's not like he's home just chillin 10 minutes down the road to be a PIA. He's taking a weekend with his wife and kids out of town.
Now, is it BM's fault that SF did this? No. Is there a possibility that she could have contacted SF KNOWING she is causing friction-abso-freakingloutely. This is the same BM who was so hard up for money that she couldn't buy SS a uniform but two weeks later gets a new truck?
She has lied about needing money before. That is the reason why DH didn't just hop-to when she started spinning the "poor broke me" deal. That is what started all of this. She lied, she can't be trusted and somehow DH is a deadbeat for not wanting to be an on-call ATM?
eeeeehhhh the needle is starting to trend in the "manipulation" direction.
Sure she is. But I don't
Sure she is. But I don't think that it's a stretch to consider that BM has been calling in Paw Paw reinforcements a LOT since the uniform incident.
No, I think BM actually did
No, I think BM actually did do what she was supposed to, but SF's involvement is only feeding the beast. Calling DH's parents? That's a little weird to me. Is he 5?
^^ This.
I think my response would
I think my response would have been to paw paw that I was out of town. Had we known BM was going to have an issue with keeping SS, he of course would have been included on our trip.
And yes, Paw paw.. we allow the girls to have fun times and we have fun times even when we don't have custody time with SS. Lives don't go on hold. Had we been in town when the emergency arose, we would have had no problem including SS on this trip.
I'm glad you were able to step in and take him when his mother had the unplanned thing. Thank you.
Goblin, Remove and block the
Goblin,
Remove and block the mom asap.
And this SF of DH's is waaaaaay too emotionally involved. This needs to be between your DH and BM only. I think it's a fine time for DH to set things straight with BM and her games, which she involves SF in every.single.time, legally.
I cannot imagine their tag team shenanigans would look good to a lawyer or judge.
If I removed his mom she
If I removed his mom she would take it really personal and it would end our relationship, I believe. I'm not sure what to do right now on that.
Not on instagram. It's either
Not on instagram. It's either all or none.
Do you and your husband ever
Do you and your husband ever goes on fun trips with just your stepson. Or do your husband ever goes on fun trips with just his son?
If that is the case, you guys are treating them fairly. Even if you guys were not treating your s.s. fairly. That could be help by your ful talking to his son calmly and discussing why he doesn't think it is fair. He just demands his way. Your dh stepdad sounds real controlling. Your dh needs to find another job. But he probably won't.
His dad (stepdad) left a
His dad (stepdad) left a voice mail that said he was going to pick ss up for him and let him know when he is coming to get him.
But your husband didn't ask his dad to pick SS up FOR HIM, therefore, SF was actually agreeing to babysit for BM and there was no need for him to call your DH.
Your husband's step dad is a piece of work.
He does know that his son and the BM are divorced, right? Your husband has every right to do other things when it's BM's weekend and not come running when called.
I think it boils down to
I think it boils down to whether you think a relationship with your kids and their "grandma and grandfather" will be beneficial for them. I think it won't be, personally. The sd seems to be very controlling (though i do think he's right in most case but this fun adventure one). Out of spite, he does seem like he might try to punish his "granddaughter s" it may be better to cut your loss and protect your kids. If it all goes wrong they can get emotionally hurt.
"Quite frankly I cannot STAND
"Quite frankly I cannot STAND grandparents meddling and trying to control/parent their grown ass kids and the decisions they make w/their children."
This.
BM has made off comments about my DH that he "must be adopted... lolz" because DH's parents "are SO nice, he can't possibly be related to them."
And by "nice" BM means that his parents always come through for her, no questions asked, when it comes to babysitting/giving the thumbs-up to a very extended visitation, without consulting DH first. It's a game that only benefits BM, the puppet master, making DH look like a bad father.
I totally agree.
I totally agree.
I think your DH talking to
I think your DH talking to his dad is the equivalent to talking to a brick wall. Whatever BM said to him was exactly what he needed to hear to swing in her favor. Let that be. In the future, ignore BM's call and Sdad's call as well (like he did this time) but instead of calling back and arguing with his SDad he needs to just send a quick text that he is out of town. At this point, your DH is dealing with TWO BM's (his stepdad and his ex) so he needs to ignore those whores. Let them say and think what they want but have peace in your house. I do think your DH should schedule some (a lot) of one-on-one time with his kid away from you and your daughters. Keeping him away from them and their stuff is the best defense but if you're not around he can't blame you for anything either. I also think your DH should start keeping records like taking pictures of the things y'all do with SS when he's with you. Since BM has everyone thinking poor little stepson gets left out, then SHOW them the truth. I always take pictures of SS and one day when he's older and he's turned on me (they all do) saying I favor BS more than him or I never do anything for him, I have literally thousands of pictures to show him that is not the truth.
Good Lord your FIL Is a piece
Good Lord your FIL Is a piece of work. I feel bad for your DH. Seriously.
I think he overstepped the boundaries by taking SS out and buying him an enormous amount of items for scouts. He went way overboard and then demanded payment. UM NO!
Now he goes and gets the SS and demands to know when DH is going to pick him up? I personally would have said, NO can do Dad, I am out of town and can't be there.
Maybe after FIL gets stuck with the SS enough times he will get sick of it and stop catering to BM.
Personally I feel that FIL is making things way worse for your DH and SS's relationship instead of helping it.
And didn't your FIL tell your DH he regretted treating him like a Son?? Yea...I think that would have ended my relationship with my Stepdad after that comment.
What's weird is Stepdad
What's weird is Stepdad stepped up and parented a stepkid for HIS wife...but he's angry that his SS is stepping up and parenting stepkids for HIS wife now. I mean...isn't your DH just following his stepdad's example?
If the worry is that he's doing so at the expense of his own son...I don't know how you convince him that isn't the case. Sounds like BM has him totally fooled.
Man I feel bad for your DH right now. His stepdad is ruining his relationship with his son and acting morally superior about it to boot.
Is the FIL a bio parent? If
Is the FIL a bio parent? If he doesn't have kids of his own that he tossed aside in order to parent the OP's husband, then no, he didn't set this example for him.
I'm not convinced this story
I'm not convinced this story is true because it all sounds so unbelievable...but if it is, I see no evidence that this guy has "tossed" his son aside.