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Goblin's picture

My dd called soon to be ex dh and said she missed him and asked if she could see him. I didn't know she called him. She has really taken our seperation hard. She adores dh. Dh called me and asked if the girls could spend the night so I took them over to our old home Friday night. I was hoping we could talk out some of our differenes but his new live in girlfriend answered the door. He moved his girlfriend into our home!! Dds were shocked. Her son has oldest dds room and repainted it blue. She wasn't ready for that. I'll post more about it later I'm just so pissed that they are so damn happy and I am heartbroken and my girls are devestated! I saw ex dh and he acted like I was a neighbor stopping by and not his wife!

Comments

notsobad's picture

So sad that you and you kids are dealing with this. 

The silver lining is that now you can be 100% sure you made the right decision. 

My SILs SO had this happen to him. He’d been gone a week and when he went pick his kids up another man, shirtless, wearing pajama pants no less! answered the door. He just shrugged and said good luck buddy. 

Then about a month later the ex called begging him to come back. There was nothing between her and the guy. She was just trying to make him jealous! So so sad.

Daisymazy2's picture

I understand you are upset.  It does take awhile to get over this betrayal.  My EX left one day and moved in with his girlfriend (now wife) the next day.  It was very painful.  They have been together for about 16 years now.  I never thought they would last more than a few weeks.  My kids have told me manystories over the years and I realized that even though they may still be married, they do not have the happy ever after.  It was very hard in the beginning to see them together.  It took me a few years before I could deal with it without getting upset. I never thought I would ever get over the betrayal.  Now, I don't like either one of them but I am cordial whenever they are around.  In my opinion now,  they were two very selfish people who really deserve each other.  She was married too.

You are so much stronger than you know. You are going to be fine.  You are going to find a better life.  Just breathe.  It will get easier, I promise.

Maxwell09's picture

If I remember correctly, and I might not because I can’t keep track of stories and usernames so apologies if I’m wrong, your now Ex was the guy who had the Stepdad who would pay for the BM and skid to have new things like Boy Scouts. 

To you I say: let it go. If his stepdad interfered with y’all’s finances and skid relationship like before then he will run this new girl off in no time. I’m sure they’ve received her with open-arms because she’s new and not you, but a crappy dad is a crappy dad no matter who he’a with or got to cover his slack. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Whether it be a few months or a few years, divorce is never easy for kids. 

I especially hate it when a divorcing/divorced male or female moves in their new GF/SO/DW/DH into what was the 'family home'. I believe new relationships deserve a fresh new start, including the home. Moving a new person into an established environment (aka current home) sets the new arrival as the outsider. Not a fair thing to do to the new GF/SO/DW/DH nor any children they may be bringing into the home with them. 

I'm sure it was indeed a shock to your girls to go visit where they've called home for a number of years, only to find they've been displaced. I actually find it quite disrespectful and inappropriate of your STB-ex not to have mentioned when he called, 'oh, by the way, just so you know, if the girls come sty the night , that ______ (lady's name) and her kids have moved in and will also be here'. 

It would have certainly given you the final decision on whether or not you thought the girls should go and stay or to have prepared them for what they were to find. That is one advantage you do have or a divorced BM where the children belong to the opposite parent. They don't get a choice to send them still or not, they have to send them... but even in that situation the mother/father have a change to prepare the children.

Children get the short end of the stick in relationships that are ending and new relationships are beginning.  I'm sorry your girls went with no clue and no preparation for what they would find. I'm sure they were hurt. I do hope though, that as long as they were invited and went that the GF and her children along with your SBT-ex tried to make the adjustment comfortable for the girls and welcomed them and made them feel included in the home's evening. I would hope that your STB-ex, their still stepfather, took the time to pull them aside and talk to them and concern for the girls surprise and confusion. If he wasn't going to show understanding and compassion to these two displace little girls, why invite them over e could have just taken the two girls out for ice cream along with just him and talked with him. I wish he would have. It's pretty cold to just drop such a zinger on children with no warning nor preparation. 

Get your divorce, OP. Forward march. There is a whole new life and happiness out there for you and your daughters. Perhaps your girls would benefit from some counseling as you are doing yourself? It's natural to grieve and the girls are grieving the loss of what was and what will no longer be. 

Disneyfan's picture

The man has moved on with his life.  You and your kids need to do the same thing.

I'm surprised his girlfriend allowed the sleepover.  That seems like a huge  boundary issue to me.  It gives the kid(and you) false hope.

Goblin's picture

Thank you for your support. He didn't meet her till after we split up so this is rapid. I do believe that and all of the snopping i have done points to that also. I just can't believe he moved on and didn't give us a chance to fix ourselves. He blames me for how he thinks I mistreated ss. This new lady apparently just adores ss and she wants exdh to continue being a father figure to "his" girls. She was very chatty when welcoming me into my fing house!  When i talk about this I get so choked up. I know i messed up but so did he. He isn't giving us a chance to fix our marriage. 

Goblin's picture

This is just incrediable. This whore is living in my house with my dh! I'm so mad and my exdh could careless about me. I'm his garbage. He just tossed me aside for some new woman who would bow down to his kid and accept a double standard. All I asked for was he enforce the rules we set for OUR FAMILY! I asked him to set his parents straight when they favored bm over us which is a normal thing to ask! He said I pushed his family away and treated ss like he didn't belong. That isn't true. I asked him to respct his court ordered parenting time. I asked if his parents don't respect us then we don't see them till they do.

Disneyfan's picture

She's, saying that now, but it won't last.

She's going  to get sick and tired of having 2 extra kids around.  As their family grows, there will not be room for kids who are not related (by blood or legally) to that man.

You are doing your kids a disservice by allowing them to cling to your exhusband.

Indigo's picture

Stb-exDH should have given everyone a "heads-up" on relevant changes before inviting the girls for a sleepover. 

It torques me off that his actions deliberately caused harm to children he knew.  Deliberately, willfully, consciously caused hurt for your girls.  Feigned ignorance is merely a diversion to hide malicious intent.

I don't care if you had a menage-a-trois with a donkey, nothing that you did in your marriage between 2 adults justifies a trusted adult knowingly hurting a child.

 

Disneyfan's picture

It is the OP's responsibility to protect her children, not her ex's.  Agreeing to the sleepover was a poor decision on her part. 

Blocking his number from their phones and making it clear that they are not to call him should be the next order of business.  He's not their father.  Expecting them to have a place in his new life is ridiculous.

Indigo's picture

Protecting her children is OP's reponsibility. 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

I think I would have told the girls to get back in the car if it was me. I think she was trying to prove to her XH and his new lady that it didn't bother her. I agree with the others who said please cut the ties. This woman is a joke. Already uprooting her kid and moving in with a man who is barely seperated is gross. That kind of poor judgement would keep me from trusting her with my kids. There is no blood or ties that need to be kept with your XH and your girls. 

He is a jerk. He is clearly rapidly trying to replace you. Sure, the first few months in any relationship you are all about making everything peachy and lovey and positive. It won't take long and you will see her on this site as well! 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Is the house still legally in your name? Go in one day when they are gone and paint a wall lime green. Rearrange the kitchen. Put a glamour shot photo of you up. 

justmakingthebest's picture

4 months and someone new living in your marital home. Have you done a separation agreement? I would talk to your lawyer. I know you don't have kids together but you might still be able to get him for abandonment and adultry. I realize you said that you think they met after your split (so together even less than 4 months and moving kids and themselves in together- you can't see my giant eye roll, but it was there), but if you don't have paperwork signed you might have a case. Especially if you contest this divorce. Just thowing that out there. Then he can have you to battle and his babymomma drama. It will be too much for the new broad to handle. 

Disneyfan's picture

OR she can just move on and accept that he is done.

Doing all that suggested is exactly what all the bitter, BMs posted about here do.

justmakingthebest's picture

You are right... but the more and more I have seen here and with my last marriage, I get why some of these BM's are the way they are. If she is within her rights, why not? He put her through hell for years.