BM's Curveball
Hi all! It's been a long time since I've posted, but I'm a faithful reader of all your posts. I respect your opinions and thoughts, so I decided to get this out of my head and into the open.
My partner and I have been together for four years. He has a 9 year old daughter with his ex. His ex has been and continues to be spiteful and vindictive in all sorts of ways.
My man just got a new job that conflicts with exchanges one or two days a week now that school is out for the summer. He has asked me to help and I'm fine with doing so. My schedule is much more flexible and he has helped so much with my three - I'm cool with picking up the slack. However, his ex wants to have zero communication with me directly - she requires that he be the go-between - and it's not very effective. If either of us are late or there's some change in plans, she wants to text or email him (and I need to do the same) to let the other one know. Might work if he were sitting at a desk, but he's not. He's a chef and he's busting it out all day. It doesn't make sense for him to be involved at all.
So, Wednesday morning, I was going to be 15 minutes late for drop off. I texted her the following a few minutes before 9:00:
We are running a few minutes late. Should be there by 9:15.
Response four hours later: U r not welcomed 2 call me ever u stupid whore
My response two hours later: I will not attempt to communicate with you again. I was late and was trying to be respectful of your time by letting you know. I will do my best to be on time in the future. If you change your mind and are willing to work together on the infrequent occasions (my man) is unavailable, I'm open to that.
Response seven hours later: Fuck off whoreface.
A few mins later from her: gftothebf please stop texting my mom. (signed with 9 year old daughter's name)
The end of that exchange. I did not respond and I won't contact her again. The name calling isn't a big issue although she is almost 45 years old and I've been in the picture for four years - you'd think she could do better than that.
What is a big issue is the fall out that I'm sure is inevitable with his daughter when she gets back to us on Monday. I would never bring it up to her, but it's just one more step in the wrong direction for me and a little girl that is pretty confused about all of this.
I'm tired.
- gftothebf's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thanks bc:)
Thanks bc:)
you're so needs to put an end
you're so needs to put an end to this right now or it will only get worse, trust me. he needs to tell bm it's not ok for her to call you names, and he's not going to be the middle man. i fucking hate these bm's!!! ours is the same way!!! what does your so say about this?
Buzy, We are in a tough
Buzy,
We are in a tough situation as his ex put him through hell during the divorce - false allegations of domestic violence that resulted in jail time, restraining orders and probation.. His probation has ended but he's very careful about how he handles her. He doesn't like at all how she's treating me or the way she continuously exploits her daughter emotionally for her own gain, but there's really not a whole lot he can do.
It's hard and it's taken a
It's hard and it's taken a lot of work for me to get to the point where I can be civil with this chick, but I'm trying! Thanks:)
*****
*****
Thank you for this - I love
Thank you for this - I love it:)
just-a-mom, I read your
just-a-mom,
I read your comments and I appreciate your insights. I guess in a perfect world, everyone would be able to directly deal with their responsibilities without help from anyone else. But my experience is that it really does take a village, especially with children - a little bit of flexibility is better for everyone. I haven't insisted upon putting myself in the middle and my man has not insisted upon it either. My ability to help is simply the best option for us this summer from a scheduling and monetary standpoint. The schedule has been discussed and decided upon by BM and him and works well.
But based on prior actions by BM that I believe I mentioned in a reply to another member, we have to be very careful about our actions. I sent the text to document the fact that I was running late because if I didn't, it's a very real possibility that court would be in our futures.
Yes, it only takes a couple of seconds to text or email by phone, assuming you have your phone at the ready at all times. That may or may not be the case at any given time for anyone. To allude that my man's daughter isn't a priority if he isn't able to respond immediately to text or emails while working is simply false.
That said, I will not contact her again in any way. I will continue to do the exchanges that my man in unable to do because as his daughter's father, he has a right to choose what works when it is his parenting time - that is not BM's decision to make.
Holy moly, she sounds more
Holy moly, she sounds more immature than her daughter... Sad is what that is.
Keep your chin up!
Thanks too young!
Thanks too young!
personally i think bm saying
personally i think bm saying she won't deal with you and only dh is a game playing, controlling, manipulating move. she's angry and bitter that you're in the picture and trying to eliminate you as much as she can. who cares if you have to be the one to pick up skid every once in a while?! bm does! cuz she's angry and jealous and wants to have full control. you guys aren't married right?
Totally agree with Busy. BM
Totally agree with Busy. BM is green with jealousy!!! The down right nasty & crude remarks needs to be addressed by your man to this woman!!! He needs to put that woman in her place & he needs to say something direct & to the point when he does. Shes waaaay out of line!!! Sorry youve gotta deal with that woman!!
We are sort of in the same
We are sort of in the same situation, SS and SD have to be picked up at a certain time and since BM cant be mature enough to have a phone conversation everythingis to be done via text and email,,,per court order,,,,,If its my day off and I am the one picking them up I will text 2 messages,,1 says on my way ETA os 15 mon and the next says Here,,,,,,but sicne she hates me and wont communicate with me DH and I SWITCH phones for that day, That way she sees the text is from his phone and not mine, she then calls the sitter and lets the sitter know i am on my way or there beingnone the wiser at the moment