Place your Bet- Did DH confront OSD????
So, last night we had an "issue" at the house. It was multi-faceted, but I will skip to the important part.
Minor back story so this all makes sense- Here's the cast of characters
MSD: MSD is 23 and smokes marijuana for medicinal reasons and has not had a seizure in 2 years since using. DH and I don't whole-heartedly approve, but we can see the incredible benefit to her, so we have taken a "don't ask don't tell" policy with her about it. She lives with us, so we ask her to not do it in the house and keep it on the down low.
OSD: OSD is 26 and does not live with us. Her grandparents have helped her out tremendously with loaning her money for school, providing her housing up until recently, and giving her a car to use when she is in the area.
YSS: YSS is 17 and lives with us. Currently seems to not be interested in drugs nor alcohol, and we hope to keep it that way as long as we can.
So, in an incident that occurred with MSD, we found out that she and OSD left our home in the grandfathers car (loaned to OSD) to go smoke up. DH said *nothing*. Crickets.
Later on in bed, I pointed out that OSD hasn't grown up any (like he was bragging about the other day- saying how much she has changed and is SOOOOO mature now. GAG.) as evidenced by her behavior. DH is perplexed.... "What behavior?!?!?!" So I point out how incredibly disrespectful it is of OSD to borrow her grandfathers car, which he generously provides, and then go out and smoke weed and DRIVE. Especially after all he has done for her. Dh tries to defend that smoking and driving isn't "like" drinking and driving blah blah blah. I counterpoint that YES IT IS!!!! Not only is it against the law and still a DUI, who gives a FUCK what the law says- if Granddad knew he was giving her a car to go get high and cruise around I think he would rescind the offer. I'm 1,000% CERTAIN that GRANDDAD doe NOT think it is ok for her to drive his car while high.
So, point of the story is DH is supposed to confront her today about how immature and disrespectful her actions are/were. Bets on if it happened??????
I'm guessing no. But we will see.
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Only if he thought it would
Only if he thought it would do her any good. Which it sounds like it won't. She's an adult and DH has no control over her. She doesn't live with you.
The only limit I might set with your DH is that I would insist we would not spend our money to bail her out when she gets arrested. Let her hit up someone else.
But other than that, she's 26, I don't think DH should confront her unless he really wants to as long as OSD doesn't bring all her mess to your home.
But here we are in a
But here we are in a conundrum, as well. As a decent person, how can I continue to allow Granddad to loan her the car knowing what she is doing? I know absolutely that if he knew, he would withdraw the offer of the car. Since I DO KNOW, I feel an obligation to tell him,
Oh, well, then if you think
Oh, well, then if you think their grandfather would want to you tell him what's going on, I don't know, it kind of depends on your all's family dynamic, which is a little different than what I'm used to.
If you're a close friend to their grandfather, then maybe you should tell him. If you're not, I don't know, it would probably be okay for you to stay out of it.
I wouldn't worry about your moral obligation because they shouldn't burden you with all their family problems.
But if you really feel obligated and it would stress you out not to let him know, then I'd tell him. You know better, though how your DH will react. His kids are a mess, I would recommend staying out of their affairs as much as possible, just for your own self-preservation.
I know MSD lives with you, so that might be hard, but I would at least try to distance myself from all their issues as much as possible. Try not to get too burdened with this family's craziness. It's nice that you care, but you also have to take care of yourself emotionally. This all sounds exhausting to me. If your DH doesn't seem to care, then there's only so much you can do.
It's the middle one who uses
It's the middle one who uses medicinally, OSD who borrowed the car has no such reasons and was just along for the high.
Dh tries to defend that
Dh tries to defend that smoking and driving isn't "like" drinking and driving
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What an idiot.
We only "banned" it from
We only "banned" it from inside the house. She is welcome to use on the property, just not indoors. We have a very secluded place, so she has no reason to need to drive anywhere to use. But the issue the other night was not about MSD, the medicinal user. It was about OSD, who was just partying and was the one driving. MSD doesn't drive.
So... the update is, he did
So... the update is, he did talk with her about it, in a round-about sort of way. She conceded that it was stupid to smoke and drive. She refused to acknowledge that it was disrespectful to blatantly disregard someone's preferences and ideals when using their borrowed car. I gave the analogy that if GD said "Don't eat sardines and drive my car" she should respect that based only on the fact that he was kind enough to loan the vehicle, and she should abide by his wishes. She refuses to take any responsibility for disrespecting him.