So I have once again found out that my DH has debt that he has failed to disclose to me. In our 10 year marriage, we have had 3 HUGE blowups around the issue of money and his financial secret-keeping. The last two arguments he has sworn that he had revealed every single last dollar of debt.

So the other night I ask DH if I can use his office computer while he was out, since mine wasn't in the house. He said sure. As I'm at the desk, a letter laying across the printer catches my eye. I see it's from our insurance company, and it says a policy has lapsed. So I take a look. No.... its not a normal late bill. It says that a loan taken out against a universal life policy (payable to BM- per CO) has collected so much interest it now eclipses the cash value of the entire policy, and if we don't pay off some by X day, they forfeit the entire policy.

So I had no idea what a policy loan was, so off to Google I go. Apparently you can cash out equity on a universal life policy. But that charges interest. -From Investopedia: When the loan sits unpaid, the interest that accrues is added to the principal balance of the loan. If the loan balance increases the amount of the cash value, your policy could lapse and risk termination by the insurance company. In the event of a policy lapsing or being surrendered, the loan balance plus interest is considered taxable income by the IRS. If the loan sits unpaid with interest added to the principal, the amount of taxable income could be steep.

And apparently my #$%^&**&^%$ DH has been sitting on this loan NOT PAYING ANYTHING, FOR OVER 10 YEARS because he didn't think about the INTEREST! So lord knows what we could be stuck owing. Either way, we will have to pay it, because we are CO'd to provide her 200K in life insurance if DH dies. So we might be stuck having to pay off this bad loan and losing this policy, AND having to pay a higher premium to start a new one.

So- to my question- Do any of you know a valid way for me to find out ALL of my husbands debt? Because I can't trust him to tell me. Every time it's like this. He tells me half truths, and then sooner or later I innocently stumble across some evidence that he has hidden debt. Each time he SWEARS it was an over-site and was unintentional. Yet it ALWAYS happens again. Sooner or later.

I am so devastated. He knows I think these financial secrets are the same as cheating. Yet he does this to me, again and again. My head is reeling and I have no idea if my marriage even has a foundation.