only when it benefits BM
So back story first, last March BM wanted us to take SD for an extra week so that her and husband could go away for the week on some trip so she could go on business trip with her husband, at that time it was well okay for SD to miss a week of school.
So last night we tell SD that we are getting married 9.8.23, she then says mom will not let me wiss an entire week of school, sorry.
(SD lives out of state), even though she will already be here for Labor Day, there is no school on Monday, so technically she would only miss 4 days of school.
Of course DH will hash it out with BM and there is plenty of time to hash it out but made me just want to shake my head, like it is okay when SD misses school when it benefits BM but not BD. Not to mention BM is always asking if SD can come visit, like if she comes to visit she has to most likely come for more than just the weekend and will miss school. Really doesnt make sense to me the thought process of some.
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Is there anyway to change the
Is there anyway to change the wedding date to a time when school won't be in session?
We did so that my SS could be there, his mom wouldn't let him come to our original date even though it was during the summer and she had no reason not to. So we traveled back to DH's home state where SS lives now and got married without telling BM that's what was happening.
During schooltime BM will win any fight about her missing school and a judge will agree with her if you took it to court.
oh my ... yah I tried telling
oh my ... yah I tried telling DH it would be better to get married in the summer ... there was only one date that worked with venue and church and he didnt want to do it in the summer. so now this is what we are going to deal with. We have plenty of time but its like really!!
Mine are adults and there is still no compromise.
Anything DH tries to plan with them cannot coincide with anything else they've got going on. In fact even plans with DH can be broken if something else comes along. They learned this as children of course fostered along by their mother.
I get it .. it's like this SD
I get it .. it's like this SD wanted to be here for his birthday this past weekend, but he had a procedure done on Friday so it wasnt going to work out. But if she did come she would have missed school and BM was OKAY with that .. but not for the wedding ... it's like a losing battle ...
Do you think your SD wants to
Do you think your SD wants to attend your wedding? She gave a reason not to very quickly, so perhaps BM is just a convenient excuse?
Regardless, There's a million ugly stories about skids and weddings. I chose my DH's elder daughter as my maid of honor, and in hindsight regret it. Try not to focus on what you can't control (BM and skid issues), and instead focus on having a beautiful, meaningful wedding. Let your fiance worry about his kid.
Yes, I truly believe she does
Yes, I truly believe she does, because she does miss her dad and wants to see her dad's family and be a part of the festivities.
I believe BM had something to do with the response. Thank you, I appreciate the suggestion and plan to let him worry about it... we of course will get SD a dress for the wedding as she is to be in the wedding party, and I really think she will disappointed if she is not included as she is with other things we do without her...
Not sure if I wrote that
Not sure if I wrote that wrong, but SD has not ever missed school to come visit. BM wanted us to take her for a week in March to accomodate BM and Stepdad's trip but she did not come. If she did she would have missed a week of school. SD9 visits during school breaks. I feel a wedding would be a one off thing that could be an exception, also from my understanding they have lap tops for school and she could complete her work remotely (not sure if that will be the case next year but it currently is now). The week of wedding she would only miss 4 days because of Labor Day, still a lot I know but BM was the one of moved SD away ... she sits there and sends texts that she wants us to make time to see SD but its on her time not ours.
Honestly, I think you need
Honestly, I think you need to work harder to ensure she can be there.. even if it means adjusting the date.. having the wedding in the summer. She is his child.. and I get that her mom moved.. but it really is important for her to be included.. and to not feel unimportant.. I do think she is important enough to warrant going above and beyond to make it work.