And another thing..
Is it normal for a BM to text DH every week about something, I get when the topic is relevant, but it always seems like it is something irrelevant (like the sick cat). Sometimes it is just sooo annoying, even he gets annoyed. Like why does she have to text on a Friday evening at 9 or 10 at night, I keep saying to DH like where's her husband ?!?! I'll tell him does she like realize you aren't together anymore? I don't know I just know when I was in a relationship with someone and we broke up the last thing I wanted to do was talk to him. I get it, they have a kid, talk about the relevant stuff and leave the small talk for your hubby.
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Does she realize? Ask if HE
Does she realize? Ask if HE realizes it. Those buttons she planted in him to make him behave are deep. I would leave him be each and every time he lets her intrude on your time. He can't have his cake and eat it too unless you let him. He needs a dose of the 180 and a steady diet of it until he gets his priorities straight. Skids are responsibilities. Right now BM has a higher place than you do. He'll deny it but actions speak louder. So show him.
Thank you, I know, I agree, I
Thank you, I know, I agree, I generally keep my mouth shut unless it is one of those times that I can''t resist!
Your DH is facilitating this. He ends this now. Or you end it.
smh
You can't do anything about
You can't do anything about her texting. Is he responding and engaging when it's not something important about the kids? If so, that's your issue.
I didn't have this problem with BM thank goodness, but I did have an issue where DH would answer calls and texts from anybody, kids or friends or work or literally anybody. Addicted to that instant gratification and having other people's attention. I got tired of it, we'd argue, he'd promise, nothing changed. So I took action-- I would consistently leave the room, leave the table, and even leave a restaurant. He eventually got the point and it stopped.
He generally does not respond
He generally does not respond, but if he does not respond then she goes to me, so I've been trying to say just answer her even if it is one word because I'd rather not recieve the text too!! I really think it is just the attention and her trying to irritate him ... which is the part that does sometimes make me not so happy is because it creates stress for him.
Then HE needs to set and
Then HE needs to set and enforce that boundary with her. Tell her that he will NOT be responding, and neither will you, unless it is a relevant urgent matter. That doesn't mean she won't still blow up both your phones, but you don't have to continue to play her game.
She is still taking up too
She is still taking up too much head space for him. That's the point of turning away from him. He's not even fully engaged with you once she texted or called. His attention is elsewhere. When he pays attention to you it should be positive, when he gets distracted by her, you leave him sitting there. Depending on how stupid he is, he should catch on. He might ask why you keep leaving and tell him. You also have to remember to not bring up BM when he focuses on you , that just defeats the purpose. It's tough to stop the BM attention, I went thru it too but changing the relationship requires her being eliminated from it for both of you.
Block her from your phone.
Block her from your phone. She has absolutely no reason to call you.
Toxic Troll the oversharer
Toxic Troll used to text about her personal life. Especially before we were married. He sais he would not respond, but Id ask him, and rather than tell me, he would show me the texts, and typically his one word response would illicit several badly spelled psuedo sentences. Stuff like "Im going away for the weekend with new guy. He treats me like a queen." Or like when she got her tax returns money, "can you please measure my living room? Im wanting to buy some new furniture, and will also need to borrow your truck".
Measure her living room? Wth?
Measure her living room? Wth? She doesn't know how to use a tape measure? And borrow his truck. Ah, no, rent a U-Haul. Toxic Troll indeed! Aptly named!
When I met DH, BM was calling
When I met DH, BM was calling him daily to talk about herself, complain about her life, or tell DH he was a terrible person. They had been divorced for over three years at that point and she was remarried, but she definitely still used DH for emotional support. Early on, I asked him, what, other than not living together, had changed in his relationship with his ex wife? I also told him that I had no interest in being involved with a man who was still in an emotional relationship with his ex wife. He quickly stopped talking her calls and limited his responses to things to do with skids...and then all hell broke loose with her, but that's a different story. Lol. She still periodically tries to reminisce with him and get sympathy, but now, nearly 8 years after we met and after a thorough parental alienation campaign from her, he doesn't care to hear from her at all, so he fully ignores her. She recently emailed him to say her life was hard because she had a cancer scare...too bad, so sad, BM, DH didn't even reply. Unless she has cancer and we have to take in the kids, he doesn't care. We have 1.5 years until skids are 18, then as far as DH is concerned, BM doesn't exist...
Crazy BMs
BM and DH used to text a lot when we first started dating. She was already pregnant by the next baby daddy and I found it odd she only texted DH at night when baby daddy was most likely asleep because he had to get up super early for work. DH finally told her to stop because she eventually stopped saying things like she msises the kids (he only had them three days a week) to "I miss when we would go four wheeling and go on trips." Lady....you got pregnant by another guy when you were still married. Like, what? She stopped after he had to tell her to talk to her husband and not him.
Any non-kid communication... ignore. Irrelevant.... ignore.
Only respond to legitimate communication. You and DH decide what is legitimate. BM does not decide.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
Until DH gets the testicular fortitude to put and keep XW/BM in her place, you have to keep his nads in a vice until he does.
Some people struggle with this type of thing. My XW did. She would call me in tears about her post move our life, post divorce life, what do do regarding her repeated illegitimate out of wedlock pregnancies, etc...
Those conversations remarkably followed much the same script. Rags: "Why are you calling me about this?" XW: "You know me better than anyone. What should I doooooooooo?"
XW: "I'm pregnant." Rags: "Not my problem." XW:"But what should I do." Rags" "You are Catholic. What choice do you really have. Have the baby, or abort it and get excommunicated." XW:"You are so righ!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Rags:"Are we done?" XW:"Why do you hate me so much?" Rags:"I don't hate you though I certainly don't like you very much." XW: "Your family hates me! Whaaaaaaaaa" Rags: "Yep. Buh-bye".
I dodged such a huge bullet by not polluting my gene pool with that skank whore.
Though she did keep up the calls for 3.5 years after the divorce was final. While she was sqeezing out illegitimate puppies and ruining a series of DH's lives. At last count. She was on #3.