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Do Skids Have Selective Memory on Purpose?!

Frustr8d1's picture

SD9 seems to never remember any of the good, fun, awesome things we do for her (after 3 yrs of being with us full-fucking-time), yet, when she spends a couple of weeks with loser felony-$4,600 behind in CS BM, over the summer, SD decides that BM is so much fucking fun because she took her for ice cream and McDonald's kids meals all summer. Mind you, this is the BM who didn't send a damn thing for birthdays OR Christmas, and we had to FORCE BM to spend this summer with SD. SD does not realize that BM does not give one rat's ass about anyone/anything but her own self, yet, now BM is a HERO because she took SD for cheap-ass food & ice cream all summer.

Reeeaaaaaly? 2 days before SD left for this brilliant summer break, DH & I took SD for Doc Berstein's ice cream (the best in Central CA) AND we took SD to the beach, Disneyland, Universal Studios, San Diego, San Francisco, not to mention Hawaii TWICE (once on a fkng cruise ship to see ALL of the Hawaiian Islands!). We did Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, birthdays, friends' birthdays, pretty much every thing you could ever want...oh, did I mention stability and friends within walking distance? So now, SD swears up & down that we NEVER took her for ice cream or anything fun!

So, I guess skids will always remember only what they want to remember...their fantasy about the absent parent, right?

How does a full-time full custody SM come to terms with the never-ending sacrifices we have to make for someone who doesn't even acknowlege or remember the "fun" times??


Annanymous's picture

The absent parent will always be valued more because the child is desperately craving and wanting that parent's love and attention. A cheap item from the dollar store validates that my mommy LURVS and WANTS me, and well, you're SUPPOSED to take her to all those fancy vacations and theme parks (in her mind). They also may twist things in their mind to downplay the step or residential parent so they can play up the faux interest from their absentee parent.

My SD was the excuses queen. Mommy didn't send a Christmas present or visit because she has just no money and she had to work ALL day EVERY day (mommy had no job and refused to work). She is better about that now, but she still secretly pines for BM and makes excuses in her head over BM disappearing and never being around.

I can't blame her; when I found out my biodad was in jail a few months during my childhood, my self-esteem doubled and I decided MY Dad DID love and WANT me, he just COULDN'T come visit and be a good Dad to me cause he was in jail and had problems (alcohol, drugs)! hooray! And yes, I was an adult at that time. I realized what I was doing after a couple weeks, but so what, it made me feel like I wasn't just "unwanted" or "abandoned" while he went on to raise his younger kids 10 year later. He came around some the past couple years, and I can take it or leave it, but meeting him and realizing he was a teen when I was born in the mid-70s, had an abusive home he grew up in, then he was a heavy drinker (alcoholic) and did drugs and manwhore and yeah, I realized it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, it was because HE had problems. -- This is where I think some Skids are at when it comes to POS absent/half-ass NCPs; they just crave that validation.

IronRose's picture

Perhaps this is just the way it is.
I have a SD12 who fantasizes about outings with BM that actually happened with me, F/T full custody SM.

She is just a sad little girl who wishes her BM cared as much as I do, and lies to herself to try to make it hurt less.