Aaaand we're back to food *facepalm*
Oh, the shit my BM says.
Convo between DH and BM after dinner this evening.
DH: SS told us you're going to send him oreos.
BM: He asked. So I said yes, then he started to cry saying you don't keep unhealthy food in the house so he can't have them. If I send a small pack, will you let him have them? It seemed so important to him and I hate to see him that sad.
DH: No, primarily because we won't let the girls have any (namely DD right now)and it wouldn't be fair.
BM: Isn't there any time that he is up and she isn't? It's also not fair to take all of this stuff away from him. He misses home and this would comfort him a little. I am not advocating he learn to pacify himself with food, but once in awhile it can be a comfort.
DH: If he eats all his veggies tonight he's going to get a bowl of organic vanilla ice cream during his TV time.
BM: And he likes that?
DH: He's pretty excited about it.
BM: I guess we'll see. He only recently started eating ice cream because they had it at daycare right before he left. But I still think you could at least think about the oreos. I have made concessions on how he is raised because of fairness to the girls. Sometimes he needs to see that he is important too and letting him do this would be a special treat that only he is allowed and would give him a sense of value. Please just consider it. I won't send them if you are not okay with it, but I would really appreciate some thought first.
DH: I thought about it before he got here. He knows he is important and has value. He gets to go to camps the girls don't get to go to because of their age. We're taking him to soccer camp after the 4th of July weekend and after that he's going to San Diego Zoo day camp for a week. And when we go to Sea World it'll be just him and DD with us so he can go on rides of his choice.
BM: But none of those things are something from home. Those are all fun and that's great, but a small comfort of home. I understand you hate the way we eat just as much as I think you're over the top. But I try to buy more of the organic stuff even though it's way more expensive only because I know it's important to you, why can't you make a compromise?
BM: (cont) Look, all I'm asking for is an oreo when what I really want is to come hold him. If you won't do it for any other reason can you at least consider doing it to make me feel better? I know you know how it feels to miss him and everything be out of your hands. I can't hug him when he cries, please just let me send him a stupid oreo. Then it's not even coming from you so you haven't bent any rules. It is his dumb annoying mother that has indulged him once again and you can continue to blame me for everything that's wrong in the world.
DH: This is my house, and while he's here I will feed him what I think is best, in the same way that you feed him what you think is best when he is at your house. Not only that, but he's going to be able to eat the fruit snacks you sent, and those are from home.
BM: I get that it is your home, but he is our son and I thought we were trying to take stock in the other parent's wishes.
DH: He's not getting oreos here.
BM: Well thanks for hearing me out. I'm glad we can have this open dialogue and really listen to each other's perspectives.
DH: I'm really glad we could too. Having open discussions about making healthier choices is very important. Here he is enjoying ice cream. *picture of SS enjoying ice cream*
A few points:
1) You're telling us that you're feeding him healthier food SOMETIMES... ONLY to 'compromise' with us? And that because of that you want us to 'compromise' and feed him crap?
2) Once, DH did something deliberately with consideration to your wishes. He chose to let you leave with SS instead of fighting for full custody when the two of you filed for divorce. Then you ran home to mom and dad and started refusing visitation... so.... yeah.... BIGGER POINT: We're not going against what we think is best for him here because of your wishes. Fuck you very much.
3) If you don't like to see him sad, don't keep telling him shit like that you think his dog ran away because he missed him.
4) You sent that kid an entire box of stuffed animals from home because he asked ALREADY, so you can take your comforts from home and shove them back into your own fat face.
5) His value will never be expressed with OREOS or anything of the kind, in THIS HOUSE.
6) "I have made concessions on how he is raised because of fairness to the girls."
WHAT? In what way? I'm calling bullshit.