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SD upped her game again

Eve-Bee's picture

For the ones that have read my previous blogs, you have heard how covert narc SD20 has been trying to get supply from me and was in dire need of supply. She took it to another level a couple of days ago, I will not go into the details, but she filled out a government form, and allegedly mixed her name and mine. So I was listed as the applicant and not just a person in the home. And this whole thing could cost me a lot of money because it is illegal to have false information registered. So she came to our house and told me this. She also asked me if I could fix it (which I had to! again not going into the details here) I did not want to say I will do it, so I was stalling, and she was love-bombing me in front of DH telling me how she did not understand anything and that she was so lucky that I was so smart. And if you do it SM, it will be no problems, because you are so good at understanding such things. etc.  I told her, well, you know you are an independent adult now you can manage such things on your own, you don't really need me. She answered I have nothing together. Just look at my room(which is a smelly mess)and went on to compliment me and talk about how she was not capable. 

Gosh this hurts to write, I had made so much progress, but I started thinking "OMG what if she is so lacking of skills to be an adult and DH and BM has made her into this person that has zero life skills, then maybe she is not such a bad person after all" (kicking my self for that one! The more you doubt yourself, the more abuse they get away with). 

So I ended up saying I will try to fix it in a normal voice (because I had to, again not providing all details), and at that moment, her face made this smirk that went from pleasure to contempt. And my gut told me that she thought, "You have a lower status than me, I am superior, and these tasks are below me." She got narc supply! 
I also felt like the timing of that smirk was so inappropriate as a facial expression in that situation. So my instant reaction after feeling so creeped out was that I have to make it more uncomfortable for her to get help from me than to do it on her own. So I made her sit beside me and fill out the online form as I was giving her directions. The whole time her face had a lack off facial expressions, it was bizarre! 

I just don't get how she could get supply from that? It makes no sense!

I have seen that misplaced smirk before, but that was also before I had realized that she was getting supply from me. It was on an average afternoon we had just finished dinner, and I spotted a stain on the floor, so I bent down and started scrubbing the stain away SD came in, and her face made this smirk again like she got supply from seeing me on the floor washing, which is crazy!

Comments

CLove's picture

Are in great supply with you!

Me too, because Toxic Troll loves berating DH about me and my "controlling ways".

"stop being so p-whipped" - kibbles

"she controls you, all your old friends see that and feel sorry for you" - kibbles

"I could get the alimony upped, it was kept low because you 'begged me down' and I believed you when you said you couldnt afford more alimony" - kibbles (Alimony ended a week later)

"I could get more for child support, let me consult my attorney" - kibbles

"Im going to win my case, and have millions" - kibbles

Eve-Bee's picture

For me, as a non-native speaker, kibbles are hard to understand, they don´t teach you that in English class. Or perhaps I skipped that day.

StepUltimate's picture

... meaning the "benefits/favors/treats" they manipulate from their victims. Kibbles is also a term for dog food, so it's a negative because if you reward a dog's bad behavior, they keep doing it because they want that reward.

For abusers and narcissists (but I repeat myself), they get "kibbles" when they lie or manipulate or trick someone into doing/giving something they otherwise wouldn't have done/given. 

See Dr. Les Carter on YouTube and the ChumpLady.com website for more info.

Eve-Bee's picture

Ahh, thanks for giving me this clarification and advice on how to educate myself on these things! I really appreciate it! I feel like I was very naive regarding the narc supply, and I still only see kind of the outline of the issue. I would like to know the whole dynamics behind narc supply, to recognize it better, and protect myself better from toxic people in general, I cleary am an easy target. 

What I don't really understand is what SD kibbles are, I guess. Well, money, praise, fame those are rewards I understand, I also kind of understand creating drama (even though for me, life is not a game, and her drama makes very little sense IMO), but seeing dad's wife casually wash the floor? Or fill out a form? Her being seen by others as a person that has impairments? Really? Does she get a kick from that?    

I will look at your suggestions. And your comment on how they get supply makes sense! thanks! This was what I did not understand!

Harry's picture

I would report this to the police,  This is against the law,  you must put a stop to this now,  Do not let her in your home.  Do not let her screw you more 

 

Thumper's picture

Wait wait WAIIIIT

What did the police say when YOU report this?

 

Eve-Bee's picture

I can't report it to the police, and again I am leaving out the details and full story on the government form. This is probably a cultural thing also, in addition to a loophole in the system. She was not supposed to be able to register things on my name, so there is no case, and she would just say it is an accident and get away with it. Also, this would give her the much-needed drama she was desperately pursuing. 

I sure can understand that I and my life baffles others. It has just been so many years of stephell and toxicity, and I have, as pointed out by a previous poster, come to accept the unacceptable. Now I am trying to break free, but I have a long way to go, and Honestly, I think everything is so messed up, I think I have issues with co-dependence, but I am trying to face my problems and build strength. 

At the core, is a huge problem regarding DH, he refuses to see SD bad behavior. I cannot put any boundaries down regarding SD in our house, and it is not possible to even talk about SD with him. Had I told him about the smirk or all of her manipulative acts, he would not believe me. He is entirely in denial and has a my way or the highway attitude towards my opinions or feelings regarding SD. In August, I will have the financial security to keep my home, and I plan to challenge his position, which most likely will break my marriage, which breaks my heart, but I just can't deal with this hellish step life anymore.

Eve-Bee's picture

I also think that breaking the silence and speaking up about my reality with SD and DH, both here and to close friends, gives me an outside perspective that helps me. I have kept silent for so long. And, I appreciate every honest comment I get, even if it is that my situation is ridiculous (gives me hope, actually. My normal is not normal, thank goodness). 

For many years I have not been listening to my gut, and been in constant survival mode regarding SD, BM and DH drama for so long, and also kept silent about it to most of my friends and family, because the things that have happened have felt bizarre. I have focused on other sides of my life, so not everything in my life is a mess, but every aspect of DH relationship in regards to SD is. 

Eve-Bee's picture

Thanks hereiam, your supportive comment meant a lot. I am working on changing that. 

hereiam's picture

My DH (who is very spritual) constantly tells me to listen to my gut. It is more than just "some" feeling. It is God, the Universe, the Superior Being, the Something that knows more than you do. Listen to it.