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Eve-Bee's picture

I have not blogged in a while since SD20 has been gone, it has been nice and healing to have time without her. It has also been a new journey where DH and I have a focus on our relationship. It has revealed all the broken parts from living with the drama from stephell. I don't know yet if we can heal past all the pain caused, but it sure is nice to be working on our marriage, that always seemed to be second to the drama of SD and BM, DH lack of parenting and protecting our marriage is one of his betrays, that have caused problems. One thing that gives hope is that while our relationship is not healed, we still love each other, and it is nice to focus on that and working on rebuilding the broken parts. 

SD20 is a full-grown version of her Narc BM, putting other people at risk for corona and manipulating to serve her wants. And I have worked past my guilt for not liking her, seriously she is such a terrible person. I have also given up the hope of seeing any signs(empathy or acts of care) that she has changed or any hope of having a healthy relationship with her. All of these three issues has been used by SD to manipulate me, when I did not fully understand her manipulation of me.

SD works two days a week at an elderly home. Some nice people were offering a house rent-free for people working full time within healthcare to avoid Corona exposure. She called and managed to get the house all for herself and a new friend of her by saying that she was a healthcare worker.  Remember, this was the same girl that wanted me to help her with a lot of things since she was so "helpless" on her own. (LOL)

At the same time, she has been partying fulltime, putting herself in a lot of situations where she could get corona. The next week after having acquired the house rent-free, she took an airplane ride(!) to another part of our country to partake in our country's equivalent to spring-break. 

She has also been paying people to do her HS homework. 

In my previous blog, I described how she got a flying monkey to try to ruin the peace at our home while she was gone in this house. Well, a bit of karma happened. The flying monkey told my mother-in-law that poor Sd was not treated well enough in our home and needed special care. So SD whole plan backfired, DH mom started making food every day and coming to SD to make sure she was loved and taken care of. This, of course, caused her to call DH in panic, asking him to help her make her grandmother stay away. I believe she does not want the family to see that her narrative of being a hardworking healthcare worker and HS student, working all the time is false. 

While I don't like her and her actions are unacceptable, I can't take on any responsibility for her or any of her actions. I am working on practicing self-care and putting in a lot of time in my career (which has been challenging in the corona times) to be more economically independent if SD wants to come back, and DH betrays our marriage again. I am fully committed to taking my power back. 

Comments

Kes's picture

It's good that you and DH can now focus on your marriage.  If SD says she wants to come back, you can say no, she has been an adult for 2 yrs.  No-one has an obligation to offer their home to an adult they can't stand. 

Eve-Bee's picture

Thanks, yes I agree, life is to short to be miserable with SD, again. I do not know if DH will handle me saying no, but I plan to be ready. Either way, with or without DH, I will gain a home without SD. 

Winterglow's picture

Those poor people in the care home! So little respect for other's well-being... She should be ashamed. 

Eve-Bee's picture

Yes, It's terrible! She definitely should be ashamed! Yet, she is just not capable of such feelings, one of the reasons why I have lost hope in her becoming a good person. 

tog redux's picture

Sounds like you've come a long way. Please make sure DH knows that under no circumstances will you agree for her to return to your home.

Thank god for the gift of a free graduation, now she can't milk that anymore.

CLove's picture

Many steps forward!

I have SD21, and have been blissfully free of her since her high school graduation. She is also a narccissist and loves getting her mother and sister upset (kibbles!), and she manipulates her toxic mother (because twins!) into allowing her to live rent free and jobless with no drivers license (because men like her, and buy her things and drive her around!).

Last time DH saw her was on her way to a drug test for a job prospect (failed!).

He doesnt give her $$$ anymore except bday...

Eve-Bee's picture

Thanks! Gosh, they are just terrible people! Drug tests, no hard work and no drivers license, all great accomplishments for the "young and promising" grown-up stepchildren.

Glad to hear that you have been blissfully free of her! And that your DH is not paying to support her anymore. It is probably as good as it can get with these toxic family members. 

Thanks again for the kibbles expression, it is one of the things I am trying to be more mindful of, and wow what a change when you stop unknowingly to feed narcs kibbles, they actually do discard you, just like people describe in self-help videos and blogs. Then, you lose them in your everyday life, which, for me, is a true blessing. 

I am still amazed at how effective all of my small changes have been; SD always used to be in my presence, even when she had a nice boyfriend. She also has many friends(narc suppliers) that she recycles, or new that she quickly attain, yet still, she was so focused on me, like I was her primary target. Very unpleasant times, and made me feel claustrophobic in my own home.  Life after SD left is so different, in a good way, no way I am going back. But I am 100% sure that she will hoover over me again, but I cannot unlearn what I have, so no kibbles for SD.