hide the valuables, SD is back
So it was eight days of blissful freedom. I enjoyed every minute. Now, SD20 is back. She came running to our house mid-day but forgot her computer, so she had DH drive to BM and get it. After he came back, SD was asking him how it went, and DH said that BM was in a horrible mood and pouting the whole time (sound like SD!). DH said, I do not know why she was like that. SD said yes, I know, I just feel so drained when I am with her (also, sounds like the way SD makes me and DH feel).
It is like I have seen, again and again, they are both takers/ emotional drainers, so to get their supply, they need someone else than each other. Damn it! Why can´t they just stay together, that would be karma. Perhaps I need to up my bad mood pouting skills.
She does not want to go to her mother anymore, which is terrible for me. But it has been like that forever. These eight days were the exception in a very long time. However, I know that the moment DH will try to parent her or set boundaries, she will run to her mother or most likely grandmother like she always has, but most often no longer than a weekend away from our home. Right now, I am just so glad that I booked a full easter holiday for me and DD. Nice to look forward to something good.
But at least it will not be me that gives her attension. I have decided to buy noise-canceling headphones! To be able not to hear her excessive throat-clearing, whenever she feels like she is not getting enough attention. Or her way of badmouthing others or the constant lies.
Like now she says that she is still sick (but looks perfectly healthy as all the other times she fakes sickness to not go to school) She will contact her doctor tomorrow she says if she does not feel any better tomorrow so that she does not have to go to school. DH tried to convince her to go, but she said that if the doctor says I am too sick, you have to respect that. Gosh, I wonder what kind of a show she puts on to fool her doctor. I was in the last stages of my pregnancy with DD and had a beginning bulging disc in the lower part of the spine and a note from my chiropractor, and I could barely get sick leave from my doctor. Again, how she plays people is remarkable.
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So again - how long does your
So again - how long does your DH plan to let her keep up this "I'm going to school" charade - given that she could still be trying to graduate at 37 in your country?
Well, that is a good question
Well, that is a good question. Honestly, he says it is her last try, but I predict that he will probably not be able to keep his word on this. Time will tell.
Also, you never know she might be able to get away with this with her teacher. The reason why she was eventually kicked out of school last time she tried was that she got sloppy and did not make sure she had approved sick leave from her doctor on all of her school absence, so she passed the limit, but expected special treatment. However, it seems like she has learned her lesson and has stepped up her game, not by working harder but by making sure this time that everything is doctor approved.
Can she get a job in your
Can she get a job in your country without a high school education? Frankly, I think it's time for that to happen. She is manipulating everyone and what is to stop her from doing this for the next 20 years? At the very least, he has to set some goals and time limits.
She has high goals, she plans
She has high goals, she plans to finish HS by summer and go to college and pursue a prestigious carrier, but she is just too lazy to work for it. She also has a part-time job, where she signs up for shifts whenever she feels like it. So she is supposed to attend school two days a week and work the rest of the week. The problem is that she lies a lot, she says she works more than anyone, but then she is caught in lies all the time, like being at the mall when she is supposedly working. Also, she is fake sick a lot and has her doctor wrapped around her finger. She will look you straight in the eyes and lie about what she is doing, pretending to be a hard-working woman.
I think there is no doubt she will be manipulating everyone for the rest of her life (just like her mother). I mean, if she one day woke up with a conscience and the ability to feel empathy with others, or even just less laziness, it would be the greatest gift, but realistic, nope.
I do appreciate your comments, and you are all right; it is a DH problem, he needs to parent her, and I need to decide when enough is enough. I guess my plan right now is to let him try to uphold his promise. And then decide.
What was his promise? Since
What was his promise? Since she says she plans to finish by next summer, then that should be the deadline. Let her go live with her mother - sounds like she would let this go on forever.
These failure to launch kids usually have lofty goals that they do nothing to achieve. It's just their way of lying to themselves, most of all.
Yes, summer is the deadline.
Yes, summer is the deadline. She is supposed to go off to college and move out. Or if she does not finish, then she will move out and start working fulltime. However, I highly doubt that he will be able to keep this promise. My plan is to see if he keeps it. If not, I will demand that she starts helping out around the house cleaning, which frankly, I think, will make her run. If that does not work, I will have to take a firmer line with DH. By coincidence, it also aligns with a promised promotion I will get, which will make me capable of keeping our house if I split with DH, so at least I will have options.
For SD, going to live with her mother is highly unlikely. As mentioned, they are both emotional drainers, so they do not enjoy time with each other longterm. Apparently, eight days was the maximum, and then she needs a "forever" break.
I get the point about the lofty goals, such a waste, really.
Do colleges where you are
Accept kids who've taken the long route to a high school diploma. Around here only the two year tech school has 100% acceptance. Also, how is she going to handle college? Perhaps a tech school program where she's in class and in an apprenticeship at the same time is more viable. That scenario worked wonders for a friends kid who hated HS.
Yes, they will only look at
Yes, they will only look at grades, not time spent. But grades will most likely not be good enough to get her into the college she wants. Her real options will depend on her grades and if she finishes at all. The apprenticeship might be an option, but that also requires work, and her main problem is she does not want to work at all.