It's Been Over A Year
So what's the hold up?
May 2020 - BM messages DH to let him know that she is taking him back to court to regain custody of SD. She had been taking parenting classes, speaking with a social worker, and already had a retainer on an attorney. She wanted to reach out to him "one last time" (she lost custody in 2012 and this is the first time it has ever been mentioned again). She then proceeded to tell him she didn't want to go through the courts again, she already had a bedroom made up for SD, and would he please just let her be a part of SD's life. DH let her know that was fine, let's go back to court. He reminded her that the judge laughed when she missed TWO court dates for custody last time and told us we would never have to worry about BM winning it back. Our attorney remarked how rare it was for a judge to do that with a single father, but that was a very good sign. He also reminded her that SS already said he would take the stand against her, that SD had expressed she did NOT want to live with her, and he knew about her selling pills on the side with her boyfriend.
That was over a year ago. Almost two years now! We have received no paperwork from the court. She has not messaged DH again, about literally anything. Surely if this was supposed to happen, why wouldn't it have taken the first step by now? When DH met with an attorney over the custody issue, we had a court date in a matter of months. The second court date came and it didn't even take us 6 months to have everything notarized and finalized. I can't help but feel like BM might have been bluffing. If she was that serious, we would have at least received something in the mail or heard something by now? A part of me hopes that she did file the paperwork and it was thrown about by a judge. That would be a sweet victory on our part. I am really hoping that it was received and the facts were there - the arrest record a mile long (most recent arrest was just in 2018), the letters she wrote admitting that she did not provide at all for her children, the two court dates where she failed to appear (especially since the second one SHE requested herself!) - and the judge simply said "This is not worth my time." The only thing we know recently is that BM told her older sister that she was going to take us back to court for supervised visitation. So is that going to be yet another threat that takes over a year too?
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Comments
You guys are extremely lucky
You guys are extremely lucky you had a judge who sided with you. If we had a judge like that I know Meth Mouth would have fallen off the face of the earth never to been seen or heard from again. But our judge kept letting Meth Mouth think she was going to get custody back. It wasn't until DH's final court battle with Meth Mouth that the judge told her flat out she would never get custody back and that this is how things were going to be until Spawn turned 18 in a year. 7 years my DH battled in court with that woman, all because no judge was willing to tell her she wasn't getting custody back.
That is awful, I am so sorry!
That is awful, I am so sorry!
It is very, very rare for a judge not to side with the mother - but BM dug her own grave by failing to appear at both court dates. I'm sure the judge would have let one slide, but then when the second one rolled around and she didn't show, I think his eyes were truly opened. We were hoping that losing custody and vistation rights, and the children obvilously doing well with me and DH and without BM, would make her fall off the face of the planet. But alas, she will not relent.
The problem is, attorneys
The problem is, attorneys want to be PAID.
And they hate dealing with high conflict clients.
She's delusional.
Yes - I remember when we went
Yes - I remember when we went to court the first time over custody. The retainer fee alone was outrageous! I think I'm finally calling her bluff on this one.
I think you want to keep the
I think you want to keep the status quo. I don't know what you mean by calling her bluff. I hope you mean ignoring her. In many states, the party initiating litigation in family court is responsible for the other party's fees if they are impoverished. Starting something would give her the opportunity to respond, on your dime, which you don't want.
Just fyi.
I don't mean we literally are
I don't mean we literally are calling her bluff, I just meant in my head that's what I am thinking. DH knows better than that. He spent enough time with her - he knows how manipulative she can be and how easily she likes to lie about things. I truly don't believe we're ever going back to court, but as long as she thinks DH is willing, I feel like she will back down easily after what happened the last two times.
These women are all talk and
These women are all talk and think they can bluff their way along. If they keep saying they are going to do something then everyone will know that they are the wronged victim who is trying really hard to get thier kids back from the evil ex.
Oh, yes! I agree 100%. I
Oh, yes! I agree 100%. I sincerely have my doubts she even talked to an attorney and put a retainer down - she probably just went in for a consultation. She has painted herself as the victim and DH as the "evil" ex who "took her kids away from her" for YEARS.