So demoralized and frustrated and mad and disgusted and...
I am to the point where I hate SD19, and I know this is not good for me and I need to find a way to make peace with this situation, but maybe I am not a big enough person?
I just cannot understand how DH can just not only accept but encourage her negative attitude and behavior. We have been in our new home (one state away) for nearly five months now. My two BDs (SD's half sisters) have not heard a peep from her in all that time, despite both of them having birthdays. Not a text (to DH's phone), not a card, not a call, definitely not a present.
BD9 was out playing with a 15-year-old neighbor girl and was talking about how nice she was and how she'd like to have a big sister. Yes, even though she already has one. SD19 takes NO interest in these kids. Her entire interest is in herself and what she can get from DH. And it makes me mad!
I see the text from SD19 blaming DH for getting a D on a college paper. Despite the fact that 2/3 of her college expenses plus some are covered, she keeps crying poor and it's everybody else's responsibility but hers to fix it. DH bought her a printer, her college has computer labs, but it's DH's fault because she's trying to save money on ink?! So she shrunk the font on a paper and then it wasn't the length (a whopping one page) required by the teacher, and so that's DH's fault?! And instead of taking her to task for blaming him, his response was "Let me buy you some ink." WTH?!
I'm just so over this entire situation, I want to wipe SD's existence from my brain.
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I know. I just cannot
I know. I just cannot understand it. How can he accept and encourage that kind of attitude? Does he REALLY not see how wrong it is? It made me mad just to read the text, and then reading his response about made my head pop off. Not to mention all the other texts immediately before and after where he is paying for her trips here and there on weekends for fun. And buying her clothing. And giving her cash. Grrrr
the good side: 1. the
the good side: 1. the useless cry baby bitch is a whole state away. 2. you really don't want that kind of example for your two bd's, so hopefully out of sight out of mind for them.
i always thought as skids got older things would get better, every year i learn that is the farthest from the truth!
the good side: 1. the useless
the good side: 1. the useless cry baby bitch is a whole state away. 2. you really don't want that kind of example for your two bd's, so hopefully out of sight out of mind for them.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
YES-YES-YES!!!
Vickmeister, I have been
Vickmeister, I have been trying to turn over a new leaf with this situation and not care one way or the other, which is why I haven't been on here lately. Just trying not to think about it. But every once in a while something happens that sets me off again.
Amazing that an adult male doesn't have more control over himself and contents himself with the thought that what they have is a "relationship." It's "he gives, she takes" indefinitely.
I don't talk about SD19 to
I don't talk about SD19 to our two BDs AT ALL. No point rubbing in her total lack of interest and involvement when it comes to them. But I think DH brings her up to them and tries to make them miss her. That's when I get the fallout.
Sometimes a family doesn't
Sometimes a family doesn't blend. Sad but true. Well on a global scale it isn't REALLY sad. Not as sad as genocide or starving children in the Sudan or children trained as soldiers.
Elizabeth, step back and let your DH know your opinion and accept his choice in response as his supreme good sense for listening to you and acting accordingly or see it as his fatal character flaw.
She whines that it is his fault. I don't think he sees the idiocy in his response or acceptance of her attitude. He is stuck in a certain role and until proven otherwise he is completely immune to any attempts to prove his daughter is a whiney brat. How could the product of HIS loins be so obnoxious? He will excuse her attitude forever and mourn the loss of his 'little girl'.
As for your shared daughters, when he bemoans the fact that he (and the girls) don't get to see SD just say something like "I am sure she is having a lot of fun at college. Now she is growing up into a young woman. She isn't your baby forever! That is just creepy!"
From time to time DH gets sad about his sons leaving home. I ask him if he wants them back with the noise, empty fridge, dirty laundry everywhere, cars blocking the driveway or continual car repairs every single weekend. Not to mention the ability for adult consenual 'behaviour' wherever we want... He cheers up pretty fast.
I had wondered if the
I had wondered if the distance with the move would help with your DH and SD. Looks like it has not. Good to hear from you though. Your BD's are smart, they will "get it" about SD and DH. No advice on getting your DH to pull his head out of his @$$, it took my SD dropping out of HS to do drugs and move in with her loser druggie boyfriend to get my DH to take off his daddy-goggles. Not necessarily a path that I would recommend. Check in every now and let us know how you are doing.
Your'e trying to incorporate
Your'e trying to incorporate logic into DH's illogical thinking. It's "insanity, doing the same thing expecting a different result". DH is going to do what he wants to do. He sounds like he is ass kissing because he thinks if he does that, he will get a different result. You getting caught up in his relationship with SD is not going to change anything but make you more and more angry and resentful.
Disengage from that situation. Don't get involved with it, don't ask about it...NOTHING! When he speaks to you about SD, just say "what are YOU going to do about it" and then drop it. Don't give your opinion, because he already knows what he's going to do.