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It isn't going to get better is it?

Elena's picture

You know I found this place and I thought "How woneerful to find a place to vent, until it gets better." Now as I go back to read the blogs and posts I realize it isn't ever going to get any better. Just the same old Drama over and over and worst each time. Here are the things that I have a hard time dealing with at ther moment.

1 - He is always going to bail her sorry ass out. Last time he said that he has had enough and he wasn't bailing her out anymore because of her drunking stupidity acts. This is right after he paid the rent b/c she had no money, but money to party and get drunk.

2 - She has no frigging job and no intend of ever gettng one, but why should she? She gets unempolyment, DDDDDDaaaaDDDDDDyyyyy pays the rent, buys the groceries, gives her money to go to the doctor, only she doesn't, she goes out partying. She tells him her friends pay her way - hell that have less than she does for no one pays their rent or buys them everything. She qualifies for HUD housing, but refuses to move there b/c then she can't take the money from DDDDDDaaaaDDDDDyyyy that she thinks he might spend on me. There is one hotel that just opened in our small town at the Interstate, I told her they were hiring, she did nothing. I told her Sunday night whenwe had to drop by hr house that there are two more hotels being built and opening soon, more jobs. I said they have benefits, they pay well, they are a chain. She wont appiled, why should she? DH is a money water fall that never goes dry - it just gets bigger and bigger.

3 - Since he bailed her out, she has to clean our house before he pays her for doing it. Well that was a month ago today and nothing has been said about her cleaning. But then why should she, she gets money w/o having too. I think she should, BUT the is no way in hell that I will let her clean my bedroom, for I have a new bedroom suite that we bought right before Christmas. She is so jealous that she would scratch it and simple destroy it. I would have her clean the front bath, dust front bdrm and living room and clean the kitchen. And trust me it would be really dirty too. She did clean is friend's house for she knows that the friend isn't going to give her money just because. And get this - DH has to buy all of her cleanig products, she can't take it out of her profit. And she is suppose to work her debt off?

4 - Poor excuse of a Mother! She did learn from the best Mother of all Mothers - her own! Her daughter is having her tonsils removed on Friday. Her daughter does think of her little brother's dad as her's, he is a good young man, and his parents as her grandparents too. Get this her baby is having surgery Friday, but the child is going to stay with her Nana and let Nana take care of her and give Sd a break. A break from what? There are four adults in that house at all times and they all smoke like a frieght train all our the kids. When my Babies had surgery, there was nothing that could drag me away from them and no one even thought about trying. Oh but to hear her and DH tell it, she is such a good mother.

5 - She asks DH for money and if she doesn't he volunteers it. Of course you know, "She didn't askfor nay help" - hello she doesn't have too. DH knows that he is an enabler, he knows he has to stop, he says this, agrees when I say it. He has spend right at $100,000 in 20 years bailing her a$$ out.

6 - She isn't ever going to learn, b/c she doesn't have to suffer, all she has to do is call crying DDDDDDaaaaDDDDyyyy. When ever I mention this to him his response to me is that I don't have grandchildren and don't understand that he can't let them suffer. They are suffering b/c she stays drunk all the time and spends no quality time with them, but she lies and says she does and bless her heart she never lies. He11 he taught me how she lies.

7 - I am very resentful to her, and I am becoming more resentful to her daily. The resentful is trying to turn into hate and despise. Ho do I get pass this. My only way is to see him fix his problem.

8 - Sd has told many and even wrote it out in words that I have copies of, that she got rid of his others (wives gfs) and she WILL get rid of me too. I'll stick around and show her, well at least I am trying. I truly think that if my H thought that I was leaaving b/c of her, he would finally do something, but I don't want to take that chance - I love him, he loves me, and he is good to me.

9 - She claims to love him so much, she cusses him worst than a sailor ever thought about cussing, but hey the more she cusses the more she gets it seems. Maybe I should try this. He has almost had amental break down once, he has PTSD really bad. His near break down was b/c of her, the doctors told him that. That was before I csme along. He had kicked her out, she moved 4 hours away with her Mama. I met him, he was happy and content. His doctors saw a major improvement in his health. His blood pressure went way down, and to only one pill a day. He wasn't stressed at all. Then she moved here last January and has been the root of his medical problems going down hill since. His stress has been unreal and I have to live with it everyday. He started drinking more and I get the blunt end of it when he drinks. I have let him know that I can't take the drinking and wont. He has been better about it and I call him out when I see he is drinking to much.

10 - The stress at the moment that I am suffering. DH is retire, took an early retirement, he is 59 and I am 52. He wants to travel and he wants me to retire now so that we can. He/we are on a fixed income. We have money for retirement, but that has to last another thirty years at least. I have ajob that I love,I love going to work, I love my boss and I loved the govt agancy that I work for, I just dont make that much money, but I got one he11va insurance. If I retire I would still have good insurance from his. Heh as asked me to give hm a date that I will retire this year. MY STRESS? How can we travel, have anything if he has to support two households? Basely the $1100 I bring home a month goes to her added to the $1100 a month she receives equals $2200 a month. That will be $1100 a month from his income. I have huge chunk going into my savings/retirement. There would be no $ into savings. He would have to pull from his retirement fund if he thinks we are going to travel. He says no. Well I have been making my car payment, but in order for me to be proven to that it will work, he has to pay all of the bills, except for my gas to work, money for lunch, the money I spend each week. He has another week from today before he is paied again and he hasn't bought any beer in two weeks, because he is trying to strech his month to the end of the money. I have money in my account and it is going to stay in there. I don't know what SD is going to do. Oh btw her unemployment checks come her and they sometimes add up to 2-3 before she puts them in her checking account. But she needs the money. Am I the only one that isn't blind?

How do I keep from letting hate take over?
I want to retire and travel with him, that was our goal and was reasonable until she moved here and he pays for it. How can we do it without her blessing?

I have thought to just wait and get her here at our house and just plain ask her in front of him if she is going to permit this to happen or not? Does she want her DDDDaaaDDDDyyyy to be happy or not? Would she move away and allow her Dad to live stress free if I move out?

I am so glad that I raised my daughters better than this. The problems I have with them is one doesn't call enough or visit me enough and the other one calls to much sometimes, but she does come to spend the w/e with her Mom. I finally am sitting here now and not crying and actually smiling when I think about my Baby Girls. I will go to bed now with happen thoughts of them.

Please Dear Lord make it all better.


MSloan86's picture

One suggestion I would make is dont quit your job. The situation you are in could get much worse. Let your DH know that you wont retire because of the financial stress maintaining 2 households is on your fixed income. Should you retire that only becomes more stressful. \

If he stops with the free handouts, and shows he will continue with it, then you can start to plan a retirement date. If he cant stop he needs to stop pressuring you to retire.

sam's picture

is what he needs to do.Your resentment will turn to hate sooner or later.I can understand if she was trying to make something of herself and make a life for her babies but she is not.She is taking advantage of daddy and she will never hit rock bottom which usually changes people if daddy keeps bailing her out of her problems.When is enough is enough well for you i would say now.You need to let your dh know that she will never grow up unless he allows her to.And in the meantime it is hurting your marriage.Also she doesnt deserve to have kids their are plenty of people out there that spend thousands of dollars trying to have a child of ther own like my dh and i.People who would rather party then take care of their little children make me sick!!

justwantpeace2's picture

I think that your dh needs to realize that he isn't going to live forever to be there to make sure that the grandchildren do not suffer. If this girl doesn't start having to take responsiblity for herself, then what will she do if he does die from a heart attack or something else? Your dh needs to get real and start focusing on what is right and not what is easiest. I would tell your dh that if he wants you to retire early, then the enabling has to stop. Enough is enough. I think that he will be glad that he did in the long run.

Elena's picture

Its been months since I've been here and posted, but I have to update what has happened.

Granddaughter, 14, told us on May 26th that she wants to live with us. After we heard her out, we discovered that we had no idea how bad it was in that house. It was way beyond what anybody could believe. We went straight to a lawyer the next morning and filed for custody of her. Well for my husband to get custody for he is blood and I am not. I get Power of Attorney.

Anyway we went through pure hell when she got served and you would not believe what she was going to accuse her dad of doing. Well we left town for the weekend b/c of our phone ringing with her friend calling us too, the one taking the granddaughter's meds that she was taking from her. Anyway two days before court the SD finally realize that we were going to court and win and everything was coming out, the drinking, the drugs, the men, the not taking care of the kids, the leaving them alone at night while she went out partying, taking her daughter's meds, slapping the GD around when she was drunk, calling the GD names,(bitch), so hung over in the mornings that she couldnt be awaken to take the kids to school, and the list kept growing each day with the people calling us with info to help take the kids away from her.

Anyway she signed all rights over of the GD to my husband, gave permament custody of the grandson to his Dad. GD's dad who is in prison gave all rights up too.

Next step is adopting her, then we both will have her.

SD tells everyone that she had joint custody for she is ashamed? Yet she is whoring around drunk and high day and night since she doesnt have kids anymore. She even got pissed when we took GD to get her hair cut, we didnt ask her first - LMAO.

The only money DH gave to her was to pay for a U-haul to haul her and her shit across to the state to live with her BM who she is just like. The bank is closed, we are raising her daughter now.

I hope things continue to get better and that maybe some of your lives will get better too.