(Backstory) We are getting ready to purchase our home that we've lived in for our entire relationship (and beyond for DH). So there is a lot of updating and repairs to be done. I am worn out. We are buying it from my SIL who is basically a dictator. So she is running us ragged. I have chronic back issues, have for the passed 8-9 years. I injured it on the job when someone did something stupid and I paid the price. Not seeking pity, but explaining the cards dealt to me. I deal with it. But it does affect my daily life often. Like, right now its on fire from a rough day at work. I do everything I can to help DH with stuff to get ready, but I just can't do as much as I want to because it will put me out of commission. And I can't be laid up, there's so much to do, and bills to be paid. I know you all can relate. 

A while back my DH asked SS if he'd be able to help with some of the tasks to get this house ready for appraisal and purchase. My SIL is always in town to help us paint, and do minor repairs/paint, and to bitch at us because she had a superiority complex. *eyeroll* Anyways, SS has yet to follow through on his word. Everytime DH asks SS if he can come help (to work on the garage, or to repair siding...etc) says yeah I will, then he flakes out. "I don't have a ride" "[GF] has to work" "Mom says I have to find a job." If you've read any of my prior posts then you'll know that this is the biggest crock of lies we've heard. I feel terrible that I cannot physically help with some things. Even mowing the grass for DH can send my back into a frenzy. One time I had to go to the ER cause I couldn't bend forward beyond 20 degrees. So I do have to be cautious. I try to help with other things though, something lighter-duty so he isn't totally on his own. (And he understands. He's seen my worst, including putting my socks and shoes on for me ---this is true love!). And DH doesn't complain. I know it aggravates him, but he understands my pain. He's not a spring chicken at 50, so I will forever be grateful for him stepping up to the plate and picking up my slack. 

When my older SS was here, he would do anything to help. If I asked him to take a Saturday evening and mow instead of go out with his buddies (there were only one or two occassions I'd put duty ahead of fun for him -- I believe in letting them be young and do young  people things-- other SS included.), he would. If I asked him to run and grab something from the store I need for dinner, he would and wouldn't take money to pay for it. Right now, he is back home with his Mom in a different state. But he wants to come back here ASAP. He hates where he lives and all the toxicity that comes with it. 

I'm trying to not compare my two SS. I am truly intrigued though. Both are legally adults but one constantly acts like a 10 year old. Tantrums when he doesn't get his way and unwilling to do any form of labor. ( I touched on this in last blog) He will jump when his buddies need something, and that's often his excuse for not coming to help us. "So and so needs to put brakes on his car, so i can't help you with your garage." But when DH asks for help on a car, he says no. Or just lies. "[GF] has a headache..." You can't leave your GF for a couple hours???? Her headache might go away if she has peace and quiet for a few minutes. Oy. Well young and dumb and in love does hold precedence I suppose. We've done a lot for him, as any parent should, and would. But I'll be damned if it doesn't sting when he just flakes on us. Not like we asked him to replace a roof. Its paint. PAINT. I'm fairly sure he never painted before, so maybe that's it? Hmmm.... Like I said, I believe in letting them be young, but SS uses it to ask an excues to keep him from being responsible, even with BM.  And BM lets him get away with anything, hell his GF of 6 months lives with them now. And she won't hold him accountable for anything.She also doesn't hold herself accountabl for anything, so what do you expect, right? But she will steal his money in a heartbeat. We had to advise him to make a new Checking Account when his mom took the money he was saving for car repairs. She does this constantly, and it aggravates us to no end. A lot of that money came from us, and it wasn't meant for her because her 56 year old self can't grow up and be an adult either (she's changed jobs AT LEAST 14 times, and moved - usually evicted, about 6 times in the 7 1/2 years DH and I have been together). I guess I can't totally blame SS for his personality quirks, because its how he was taught. Taught that instability is normal. Taught that you don't have to tough through some things. Taught that its always everyone around you that has the issues, not yourself. Expect the world to change to meet your needs, but never change for the world. 

I hate the bitterness that stems from her. I try to let people do their own thing, but when I see the damage she's done to SS its really burns my biscuits! I'm just the SM, I don't matter. But I cannot sit by and watch a child be destroyed, and that is what she's doing. SS can't see it, but  I think he feels  deep down that something is wrong. He just can't put it in his mind that he could be away from it. Be something more. He left because I asked him to do chores and stressed standards... structure. He'd rather be a wild beast, accountable for nothing, himself included. And its sucks to see all that potential be flushed right down the drain. :-( 

If you read this far, thanks for listening. I really need to get it off my chest and you all make really good listeners. If you have helpful insight, feel free to share. I'm not necessarily looking for advice, but thanks if you have some.