This was the last week of summer school. And boy what a week it has been! Before I begin, I want to preface this week’s logs of SS’s antics by saying I feel the same way I did when my manager unwittingly invoked Skitt’s Law when trying to get me and my colleagues to be more careful with typos and spelling mistakes. He sent us all a rather terse email stating “From now on, grammar and spelling mistakes will no longer be tolerate!”. It was extraordinary difficult to not laugh. So much so, I hurt myself from holding my clenched jaw in place. Such was SS’s antics every morning this week. To say that DW and I are glad this is the last week of summer school is an understatement.

Week 3 Day 1:
DW needed to nudge and nag SS to get him going. She was practically following him around the house making sure he is doing what he is supposed to be doing. I’m watching this trying very hard not to laugh. Oh and remember that project that DW threatened hell and damnation if he didn’t complete by Sunday? It wasn’t complete. I am thinking hell must be heavenly since DW was giving SS hugs after hugs last Sunday (read my earlier blog about me trying to get photo evidence of this). SS asks me if we could go out for ice cream tonight on account that he got 100% on a pop quiz last week. Long story short, whenever SS got a 100% mark on something, I would treat him to ice cream. Last time he got 100% on anything he was in Grade 5. I laughed and say “So for all those fails you got, I should have served you liver and blood sausage?” SS asks “What’s liver and blood sausage?”. OMG, Rutherford is right, I really should make a sitcom about this kid! DW says we should take him out - you know - just to encourage him. I repeat to DW that she can do whatever she wants but I want no part of it. As for homework, SS had about a half-hour’s worth but it took him over 2 hours to complete, largely because SS was more interested in playing with this gadget he got from his Dad’s that emits fart noises. Figures; I buy this kid books, his Dad buys him a whoopee cushion.

Week 3 Day 2:
BS, for some reason got up extra early and woke the whole house up. Don’t know why he was so excited but needless to say, he is going to bed extra early tonight! SS took that “fart toy” to school. Once again I found myself fighting the urge to say something but I managed to keep my trap shut. I did however tell DW that toy is starting to grate my nerves and if SS doesn’t stop playing with it, it is going to “disappear”. DW called me at lunchtime and said SS lost his house key and therefore has to wait until one of us comes home to let him in the house. I look out the office window. It’s raining cats and dogs. I can just imagine SS cowering for shelter by the side of the house emitting fart noises from that stupid toy. I can just see how my neighbors will react. “Hello 911? There is this freakishly tall kid next to my neighbor’s house suffering from a severe case of flatulence”. Turns out SS waited inside the school until the rain stopped before going home. He had no homework (I didn’t see him crack open his school books when I got home). SS just spent all evening playing. Maybe he did his homework in school? I doubt it.

Week 3 Day 3:
Oh the calamity! Oh the horror! We ran out of Nutella! This made SS a total grump-ass in the morning and was giving us all some serious attitude. He refused to eat breakfast. Like what are we supposed to do? Run to the store to get him a jar? DW tried the nurturing/good wife routine with him for as long as she could “Oh come on honey. I am so sorry there is no Nutella. How about I fix you a nice bowl of Corn Pops instead?”. That didn’t work and SS just crawled back into bed to pout. DW was ready to leave and SS didn’t want to move so she ended up having to shout at him. BS and BD, who were obviously very concerned, came to me and asked “SS is bad?”. I say yes, SS is being bad which is why Mommy is angry (Well what else am I supposed to say to them?). I have no idea how long SS is going to last through the day with no breakfast and no lunch (yes, he still refuses to eat the lunches DW makes for him). I hardly saw SS in the evening. He sequestered himself in his bedroom to play on his iPad. Not sure if he had homework or not and I didn’t bother asking.

Week 3 Day 4:
Still no Nutella. DW told him to make himself a bowl of cereal. SS says he doesn’t feel like it and he “always” has to make cereal and it’s just not fair. OMG! I couldn’t help myself, I had to run into another room because I couldn’t contain my laughter. I’m not sure if SS or DW heard me as DW is now screaming at SS saying that she doesn’t feel like driving SS to school and that it is not fair that she has to get up extra early to take care of his ungrateful ass (no she didn’t use those exact words, but they were pretty harsh). DW actually ends up fixing a bowl of cereal for him. Later in the day DW calls me to complain “I tried talking to him to find out what is wrong but he won’t answer. What the heck is wrong with him!?”. Uh, let me see… He has to go to summer school. You are not coddling him like he wants you to. You have to get up extra early in the morning to chase him around the house to get him ready. Gee, I don’t see a problem. You expect him to be all eager-beaver and sunshine perky? If he wants to be a miserable f*ck. LET HIM!. No homework tonight as SS was too busy rummaging through his mess to find that fart toy. It disappeared. No I didn’t have anything to do with it. Honest! It actually disappeared.

Week 3 Day 5:
Same as usual. SS has a hard time getting up. He plops himself on the couch to watch TV. DW asks him several times “Are you ready to leave?” SS says yes. When it is time to leave, guess what? SS is not ready. He hadn’t brushed his teeth or got his school bag ready. DW is out the door saying that if SS doesn’t follow her to the car in the next 20 seconds, she is leaving without him. “But I can’t find my eraser!” SS cries. DW comes in and mumbles “This is fucking ridiculous”. Once again, I am hiding, making sure no one can see me laughing. When SS and DW finally leave I throw my arms in the air like I am Rocky Balboa. After today, SS goes back to his Dad’s.