The Ex Zone (OT)
Tales of ex's and the bizare things they do! Feel free to share yours!
*cue Twilight Zone Music*
Introduction: "There are women out there that whilst known to man, defies explanation. They have dimensions that looks as graceful as a gazelle and yet be as peculaiar as a platypus. To know them, is to stand in the middle ground between comedy and sheer horror, between misery and insanity, and they always hone in on the deepest pit of man’s fears and defy any and all logical explanation. This is the women some men are cursed to have known and to even think of them invites the stuff of nightmares. It is, what we call ... The "Crazy Ex Zone".
Meet Drac0. He is a kind, hard-working man who has a penchant for geek hobbies. Whilst this may seem a little odd to some, his wife also has a penchant for the same hobbies. Unbeknownst to Drac0, his wife's "passions" far exceeded his own and unwittingly dragged him into the darkest corners of the Ex-zone.
Our tale begins on a bright summer day in 2001. Drac0, after many years of hard work has finally garnered the respect and admiration of his peers. His supervisor, has selected him to attend a week long training seminar in New York, an event that will not only secure his position with the company but may even possibly lead to a promotion.
Drac0 arrives home, anxious to tell his wife the good news.
Drac0: "Honey! Guess what!? Remember that training seminar in New York I was telling you about? The boss wants me to go!"
Wife: "How long is this seminar?"
Drac0: "A week."
Wife: "A WEEK!?!? What the hell Drac0!?"
Drac0: "What's wrong?"
Wife: "What am I supposed to do for an entire week while you are gone!?"
Drac0: "Whatever do you mean honey-bunch? I shall call you every day."
Wife: "No you idiot! I mean who is going to buy the groceries, cook the food and drive me to work!?!"
Drac0: "I am confused. You are a full grown, university-educated woman. You cannot do these things yourself?"
Wife: "Don't patronize me! It's not right for this company to send you away for so long! Who do these people think they are!?"
Drac0: "I...I'm sorry pumpkin...I thought you would be pleased?"
Wife: "Well I am not pleased! This is f*cking ridiculous! And you are f*cking ridiculous for thinking I would be pleased!"
Drac0 suddenly feels ashamed. He had not realized that his wife had come to rely on him so much to take care of her. Drac0 takes it upon himself to please his wife every day up until the trip inluding cooking all her favorite meals, making sure all the bills are paid, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry. He also makes sure there is enough gas in the car and food in the fridge so his wife has enough to get by in the week that he is absent.
Sadly, only one chore remains undone.
Drac0: "Honey, I am sorry to have to do this, but the lawn needs cutting and it has been raining every day for the past week."
Drac0: "Well...urm....The lawn my dear. You will....ah....you will have to mow the lawn - by yourself."
Wife: "WHAT!?!? What the hell are you talking about!?"
Drac0: "Oh it is fairly easy. Here, let me show you..."
wife: "Can't we hire somebody to do that!?"
Drac0 gingerly leads his wife to the garage and shows him the lawn mower. Drac0's wife listens to Drac0's explanations with as much interest as one would have cleaning a septic tank. Content that he has prepared his wife for the week, Drac0 kisses her goodbye and leaves for the Big Apple.
Two days later, Drac0's in-laws pass by for a visit.
MIL: "Where is Drac0?"
Wife: "In New York."
MIL: "Why? What is in New York?"
Wife: "I don't know, his company keeps sending him places and always at the last minute."
MIL: "Oh? Well what is he doing in New York?"
Wife: "How should I know!? He's probably boozing it up and slipping twenties to strippers in strip clubs."
MIL: "Oh my word! How....How could he!?"
FIL: "Look ladies, at least he has a good job. Oh by the way, your grass looks a little long. why hasn't Drac0 mowed it?"
Wife: "I don't know Dad! He's lazy!"
MIL and FIL look at each other and take pity on their poor daughter as the first seeds of resentment towards Drac0 begin to fester. In the few weeks following his trip, Drac0 would find his relationship with his wife begin to go astray....