Her demands
I deleted the most recent post about this topic because we've gotten a little further or actually hit a road block.
Before I get told this isn't my business let me remind you that me and my partner act as a unit. That I am more than happy to support him and his kids to the best of my ability. Telling me this doesn't concern me will be ignored.
SO confronted BM about the fact that she repeatedly ignored his request to know the the doctor visit went but that she's plastering all over the place about how the poor kid needs therapy.
At the same time she still making it clear to SO she has no intent to follow through. In the same breath she states that no where takes her instance and if "You still want the kids to see someone you have to pay me upfront."
Because the insurance is in her name SO can not call the company to ask for a list of providers. BM rattled off some major places that are well knowing but don't do outpatient care. It was a list of 2. She clearly has made no attempt to use the insurances site to find any options. Without being able to use it myself I did a quick search and did find one options in seconds. SO spent 5 minutes on the phone and they wouldn't work but you get the pictures.
So what we have here is BM using the kid's "condition" to get sympathy but making no attempt to seek help. Then demanding cash up front if SO demands she follow though.
We will not be handing her cash. If she provides him the information he himself will show up and pay his half up front to the office. He also informed her she could do it all on her own and send the bill along with her receipt showing it was paid in full and he would pay her back. But there's no way she's getting 50+ up front just because she say's there is an appointment.
SO and I talked. He is giving her to a set time and then he will be bringing the children to someone in our area weather or not they are in network and he will be sending her half the bill. He spoke to the doctor himself so he knows there was a recommendation. He has all of the written evidence of her behavior. That she is going against doctors orders. That she knows there is a behavioral issue that is causing problems in school and home.
I know the behavior issue isn't dangerous exactly but its not exactly healthy for a 5 year old to sit in poop all day and hide it so he doesn't get kicked out of preschool.
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Go to the insurance company's
Go to the insurance company's website and do a find a provider search
As far as I understand we
As far as I understand we can't because it's in the password protected members area.
So called them in the past and they refused any help because he's not the policy holder.
So call the therapists and
So call the therapists and ask them if they accept her insurance.
So call the therapists and
So call the therapists and ask them if they accept her insurance.
Nope - most, if not all,
Nope - most, if not all, companies have a public provider search, typically used for those who are considering purchasing that plan.
For example, Asshat had UnitedHealthcare when my kids were minors. I had BCBS. I could go to the main UHC website and verify that their pediatrician and Thing2's specialists were in network.
Can DH or you put him on your
Can DH or you put him on your insurance?
DH's insurance offering is a
DH's insurance offering is a joke. It offers no real benifits and isn't worth it. It was so bad that even vengeful BM agreed it wasn't worth it for him to carry.
I have already talked about adding both children to mine if I'm able but thats not going to be happening soon.
If you know the company
If you know the company name... it may be a bit more backwards, but ask if the doctor takes that insurance.
Also, even if your DH is not "on her plan" he still should be able to get access to provider information if he can prove he has some custody and control over a listed dependent.
I was not able to get any of
I was not able to get any of SD's info even with permission from both parents. I usually do the online chat and pretend to be DH lol. There are always issues with her bills and its easier for me to handle chatting with the company with my job.
I'm not talking about
I'm not talking about necessarily getting specific information.. I'm talking about finding a therapist and then asking that office if they take BM's insurance company plan.
If would think if you were to send copies of custody orders that showed your DH was legally able to make medical decisions for his daughter they might allow that.
If you are married you can
If you are married you can put skids on your. My Bio-dad went to court when I was like 16 I think and told the court he would take insurance on me so that the support payments would be lowered. My mom didn't care as he lived in TX and we lived several states away. Guess what he go insurance on me, but through his work and guess what the only place I could go to near me since everything was out of network was the ER.
My mom was pissed off but my stepdad just said who cares I will keep her on mine and we are good. The one time I was visiting down in TX after all this I did end up in the emergency room and bio-dad never answered the phone, so I could get my insurance number from him.
Yeah gotta love that game.
Best of luck.
I think some insurance
I think some insurance companies only let you add stepkids if they live with you or if you claim them as dependents on your taxes. In a previous job, DH wanted me to add SSs to my insurance (because it was better than his), but they only allowed stepchildren to be added if they lived with you, which mine don't.
That stinks. My SS lives with
That stinks. My SS lives with me but SO and I are not married and have not been living together for a hear yet or he could go on mine. SO's insurance through his work is about the same as mine. His copay is is more but mine is super cheap but overall he pays way less. Once we are married I am hoping I can go on his. It would save us like 100 bucks a month.
I do not go to the doctor that often.
Best of luck
Was divorce finalized? If yes
Was divorce finalized? If yes then what does CO say? I’d check if CO says that parents have to share XYZ in regards to medical appointments. He can take CO to the doctors and therapists to show that he shares custody.
You can check on insurance site who is in network (see walkonby’s post), if that’s not doable you can also call therapists and doctors directly and ask if they tak insurance. Then when you go there they can check more specifically how many visits are covered etc They’ll tell you
I don’t know why people are saying you can put them on your insurance. Don’t you have to be married?
Currently there is no CO.
Currently there is no CO. There is a formal agreement in terms of visitation that has passed through the lawyers.
I will have him check the website again. Our issue is she is the policy holder and gets all phone calls. He can make an appointment but she has canceled them in the past when she has found out.
We've lightly talked about me putting them on my insurance but we're not even at the stage of looking at how to do that.
Our options are to push for her to comply with the doctors advice who said he does not have any physical issues and needs to speak to a therapist or to find one and pay out of pocket but with on going lawyer fees that's hard to do. It will also create a whole new world of trouble.
I would demand that something
I would demand that something is put into CO in regards to medical treatments.
I dealt with all medical and ex dealt will dental care and didn’t consult with each others less major issue like surgery . But we pretty much did what we saw fit in regards to DD, we had no reason to not trust that she gets the best care from both of us either way. In your situation with BM who cannot be trusted, I’d insist something is in paperwork (at least dad has to have insurance card). If it’s not possible, call local therapists and see who can take insurance and take children there. Since there is no CO in regards to medical care then who says SO can’t take kids to doctors? She won’t cancel if dad doesn’t tell her until after the appointment. Guess have to play dirty
All of this is too stressful. That’s why my DH stayed with a nutcase until kids were grown because he was terrified she will get custody and not only make his life he$$ but also the kids. She still is being crazy but at least kids are adults. That’s how crazy women operate
There is nothing to discuss about them going on your insurance. At the basic minimum you have to be married, to each other
The order is clear that they
The order is clear that they are to share information and both be included in decision making. Currently he's lucky if she tells him afterwards that the kids had any appointment. She gets away with it because thenlack of CO.
He wants the kids to get care but she's stupid when it comes to it. She's lied to him about work done for the kids dental and tried to get him to pay her 100$ for stuff that didn't need to be done because she doesn't know how to discuss a care plan......
It's this "pay me cash upfront" that's really the problem. He's waiting to hear back from the lawyer because basicly she's withholding recommended medical, be it mental health, care unless he gives her whatever she ask in cash to her personally. Not going to happen.
You'd think she's learn by now if she wants paid she has to follow the rules. The judge that's looking over their paperwork throw out the "receipts" from earlier this year. They were credit card receipts sent to him almost 6 months after the fact for stuff she didn't even tell him about.
It didn't help her that she submitted through the lawyers that she needed some 500 or so up front given to her personally so that one of the kids could have a pretty extensive work done. When SO call the office to talk about the care plan and they told him flat out her request was a lie.
As for my insurance it hasn't been a life changing discussion
Me- hey honey your insurance is crap
Him - yeah
Me- when all this is done and *if* we get married you should be on mine if X hasn't happened
Him - sure
Me - maybe we should also look at if mine's better then what she has and if so see if we can put the kids on it instead
Him- sounds good
End of discussion.
Why isn’t there CO? I think
Why isn’t there CO? I think when the situation is as hostile as your SO’s and BM’s and there is no productive co parenting, there must be CO in place. Is it going to be there soon?
Is he paying CS? Is she asking for money because he hasn’t been paying? No doubt she is nuts. But you said before he hasn’t paid CS for over a year, he’ll eventually pay it through arrears but she might need money now. She might be hostile and resentful for that reason. Is there order for CS in place? He might have harder time proving his point dealing with crazy BM if he isn’t paying CS.
My DH pays alimony. BM still occasionally causes havoc. If he didn’t pay or was in arrears, she’d eat him alive, I am sure.
They have a working agreement
They have a working agreement through the lawyers and are waiting for the judge to decide on one thing at which point their divorce is final and the CO will be in place. It's not for lack of want just a legal matter.
Their agreement states he MUST pay CS to the state's system as soon as he has the case number so she will be paid. Because this is in their order any CS that he would try to pay now would be completely ignore. I've heard alot of heat about this but the thing is CS isn't cheap and we can't afford him to pay it twice. The money is in a protected account and will be transferred to her through the court approved channel as soon as he can. His children are not going without shelter, food, or any basic needs. If they NEEDED something he would provide.
He will not be handing her cash for a medical appointment that doesn't exist though. If she sets it up he will go and pay them directly or she can send him an actually recipt showing what services were provided and he will pay as he has done in the past.
This is a matter of her not wanting to take the kid to a therapist though she went all over social media aeeeking attention about how badly the son needs it. SO has actively tried to get the kids to someone but with her behavior he can not do it. As it is we are seriously talking about taking the boy out of pocket to see someone up here but it's 125 a session AND if she finds out we don't put it past her to withhold his visitations until after court since right now there is no legal requirement she let him have them.
We're basically at a really tense stand point. We are weeks away from an order being done with a mother who's dropped hints that she's not above vanishing with the kids.
We can pull her back from the ledge when she makes crazy demands like this but if he pushes she will run and has in the past.