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NYE and the Witch is here!

donewithdrama35's picture

Hey All! Hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and if any luck you're going to enjoy a nice night at home without your Skids there!

So my SD18 got home from college the week before X-Mas. I absolutely hate when she's here. If you've read my past blogs you know how I feel about her! SS20 has been home since Thanksgiving and I feel the complete opposite about him! He's sweet, helpful, doesn't complain when asked to do / not do something, etc. SD18 is a total bi#$h unless things are exactly as she wants them to be... her way. 

DH and I decided it would be a good idea for him to buy an old used car for SD18 to use when she is here for work, etc. TBH- I was onboard because it meant she won't be sitting around the house and I won't have to see her face as much. So he very sweetly surprised her X-Mas morning with it.. put a big bow on it and everything. I wish she was someone I actually liked because it was a very cool moment but I didn't enjoy it because I despise her so much. 

Wellll.... she drove the thing everywhere for 5 days straight. Didn't see her- it was great! The car is older and we bought in private sale. It just passed emissions and seemed to drive really well! DH put 4 brand new tires on and about $3,000+ later we called it a day! REALLY nice gift! Well on the 5th day apparently the transmission blew on her way to see BM. The best part... SD18 was "too scared" to call DH and tell him which is total BS because he has NEVER yelled at these kids she had BM do it. I was SO pissed. So long story short... not it's going to cost another $2,000 to fix the stupid car but we really have no choice. We're too far into it and would get no $ back and then have to go get something else I suppose. 

FF to last night. I was SOOOO hopeful that SD was going to spend the night at her friend's house for NYE with their "boyfriends". So she comes out into the living room and opens with the dreaded question to daddy she's been doing since I've known her (12) that makes my stomach turn because I know she's going to ask something that I'm not going to like... " Dad... Do you love me???" (INSERT ME SCREAMING INSIDE MY HEAD). "Well.... would it be OK if friend and boyfriends sleepover here tomorrow??? We will be quiet". NOW- we have never allowed boyfriends to sleepover the house. He tells her he's going to think about it so she proceeds to stand there staring at us and finally gets the hint to leave the room. 

I ended up getting into small argument with DH because I'm wildly uncomfortable with this. I barely know these "men" and I don't understand why they need to sleep here unless there's obviously shenanigans going on! He of course just wants to tell her yes and make her happy with his never ending guilt complex I feel he has. I tell him do whatever he wants and I'm going to bed because I know now my NYE is not going to be what I want AT all. 

Well... I don't hear the whole conversation between the two of them after but the gist I believe was that he told her everyone could hang out here but boys could not sleep here. I hear her arguing and then stomp off and slam her bedroom door. What a selfish, immature little brat. It makes me mad that DH does nothing about that. I would've followed her @$$ in there and let her know if she slammed the door ever again she wouldn't have one. 

UGH- it just makes me so angry all around. She's all "love you dad" and "thank you sooo much" when she's getting her way (r.e. car, etc) but then the second he tells her no (which was a very reasonable no) she's a nasty little bi#$h. EVERYTIME. Can I also say that she NEVER addresses me when she's in the room. Anything she has to say is very specifically directed to only Dad, not me. Which is more than fine with me!! Now I don't have to pretend to fake an interest in her or her life. 

Well... thanks for listening! I just needed to get that out. I didn't sleep well last night. I suffer from very very bad stomach problems which I think is triggered greatly when I have anxiety.. and when she's home it's everyday. I wake up during the night with my stomach gurgling and I just can't sleep through it. I just tossed and turned thinking of everything I want to say to her + to him about how he handles her. BUT, I think it be best I let it go and just find my own personal peace no matter what tonight brings. 

Happy New Years All!!! 

Comments

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I become immediately nauseous everytime OSD says her fake forced " I love you". It's the same here. You know she is going to ask for something as soon as you hear " Daddy" ( bat eyelashes) and as soon as she gets exactly what she wants " I love you daddy" 

5 minutes after getting what she wants she is back talking to her father like he is crap on her shoe. 

I laugh at her, but admire her gumption, when she tries it in me. She knows I'm really the one with all the money, so she always tries. Except I enjoy being a ruthless B. So as soon as she turns her fake charm on. Before she can even get to ask for anything. I respond always with " that's nice" walk into my room and shut the door. 

She thinks she is more powerful than she is because daddy is a stupid sucker. I made it very clear to her a year ago, to never ask me for anything, if she wants to be an adult who doesn't have to follow rules. Then I am going to give her exactly what she wants and treat her like I would any other adult. 

donewithdrama35's picture

I agree!! I'm kind of hoping she does... although I'm not sure BM would allow it or not. I think the original plan was they were going to all stay at her friends house but the Mom there won't be home and wasn't comfortable with it. I just don't get it... why on earth would an 18 year old expect to be allowed to have boys sleepover???

Winterglow's picture

Your DH probably thinks that his princess would never do anything untoward with a boy ... after all, to him, she's probably still a child (insert eyeroll). Did you ask him if he'd be providing their condoms? 

Angel

Winterglow's picture

" Dad... Do you love me???"

I'm sorry, but given she's been doing this for years, I'd be tempted to look up, visibly set aside what I'm doing and smile encouragingly as I said "Aha! The magic words! What are you going to ask him for this time?"

But I'm not known for my tact ...

donewithdrama35's picture

I need to start saying those type of things! You'd think at some point she'd grow up and mature a little bit but she's still the whiney little baby she's always been.

Left out mama's picture

As long as it still works, she is gonna keep doing it.

she has not been given a reason to stop.

Maxwell09's picture

I'd be more blunt "SD, how much he loves you doesn't equate to the favors you're about to ask...." 

Stepdrama2020's picture

I can totally relate! Except with my ex DH and ex SD he never said NO.  I get the syrupy sweet "Daddy ...then insert question like will you buy me a circus?"  Daddy "sure sweetie anything you want because I will forever kiss your royal fat ass"

It doesnt take much for these bitches to ruin ANYTHING  Christmas NYE a Monday  you name it.

Sorry she is still in your life. Best to keep disengaging. Good for your DH to insert a NO, my ex never did or would.

tog redux's picture

Ugh, "do you love me?"  Does he not see how emotionally manipulative that is?

So why do these two stay with you guys and not BM? Have you agreed to that? Perhaps at the minimum they need to split their breaks between your home and hers (preferably stay at hers).

Maxwell09's picture

Exactly! Calling her on being emotionally manipulative is the only favor that kid needs. I can't imagine what she pulls with this boyfriend if this is how easy it is for her to work up dad. 

JRI's picture

Im laughing, thats a new low!  SD59 hasnt even thought of that one!

I'm relating to the stomach trouble.  I had that for years, I'm positive it was stess-related.  Eventually, it was diagnosed as irritable bowel but I'm still certain stress played a part, it didn't start til the SK years.

CajunMom's picture

Gotta love the manipulation these kids are so great at. SD36 loves to say "I love you tremendously, Dad." LOL Oh, and the SK overuse of the word AWESOME. "You're so awesome. Tremendously awesome." Puke. 

On your topic, I would not allow any co-ed sleep overs at my home with my own bio kids; sure as hell wouldn't let it happen with SKs. What if the BM is not okay with that either (apparently not since she didn't ask BM, or probably did and BM said no, so she's going to dad). 

Oh..and your DH needs to go to parenting school. For what it's worth, I DID threaten to take my DD's door off her room years back for being a jerk. That fixed her behavior. And I put my DS out of his room for about a week....made him sleep on the couch until he learned how to clean. Fixed that, too. Bad behavior demands consequences to "fix" said crappy behavior. NO one slams doors in my house.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

What a blatantly manipulative thing to say. Too bad your H doesn't have the testicular fortitude to call her out on her carp.

You need to start focusing on you, just you and your own well-being and health. I too am an anxious person, and developed ulcerative colitis while YSD lived with us. The stress also caused me to start breaking out in hives. Unfortunately the colitis is here to stay, but I haven't suffered hives in over a decade because the source of the stress (crazy YSD) is no longer in my life.

Step stress comes from being repeatedly subjected to carp situations without having any control over them. If you make your health your priority and make ruthless decisions about eliminating what triggers it, you'll feel more in control. That, along with  disengaging from all things SD, can bring calm and peace to your life. 

Additionally, what fault can be found in someone taking care of their health? What do you think your H would say if you matter of factly told him that the stress SD causes in your home is harming your health? That your doctor has ordered you to avoid/reduce stress, and you need him to help by keeping his kids in line? It become a health issue rather then a "You just hate my kids" issue.

Floral_SM's picture

Your health comes first. SD manipulation will seem petty and immature when you compare how impacted your health is. I learnt to choose my battles to help cope with my own stress levels. Slamming doors and bad behaviour I have now chosen to let go, and knew it would annoy my DH to breaking point where he would snap at the skids. 

Wilhelm's picture

18 is an adult. I would not be too concerned about what they are doing. I would be concerned if the noise they make is going to affect others or they do not act like adults and take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves.

Peach's picture

WTH is it with skids wanting boyfriends/girlfriends to spend the night and sleep in their rooms with them?  When you get your own house, then you can have anyone you choose to spend the night.  I don't want grown strangers spending the night at my house.  This isn't a sleepover of young kids or preteens.  Sorry, hard no from me.  When SD was in high school, BM allowed her boyfriend to spend the night all the time - most of the week and every weekend.  I think it made the breakup harder for SD.  There wasn't the normal dating and getting to know one another.  I feel like that is too intense for teenagers right off the bat when dating.   Thank goodness she didn't get pregnant, but we got the bills for the STD treatment from the doctor.  I remember letting him spend the evening with her at our house once so they could watch a movie, and she laid around in shorts where you could see every private part she had.  I was shocked.