Hey All! Happy New Year! Or atleast it will be when SD heads back to college next week. It's been a struggle for me with her her here. If you've read my past blogs this isn't much different. I blog simply to vent to people who get it as I'm assuming most on here do. Soooo... SD was supposed to split up her time here according to HER between our house and her Mother's... that hasn't happened. Can't enforce really since she's an "adult". It's her choice. But in my opinion she creates a toxic environment which I've stated before makes me feel physically ill... I deal with IBS and my God she makes my stomach so sick from nerves I can't take it.
Anyways... here's the latest and maybe some of you guys have dealt with it?? My OSS now 24 has supposedly had depression / bi-polar since I've known him (16) and used to cut himself. Wicked long story short we had alot of difficult years... did our best to help him and now he's kind of better but not really. The difference is he's a sweet and loving kid for the most. That time in the muck of it all was a nightmare though. It really tested our relationship. Now I'm reliving it. SD18 is now cutting herself as well. My DH had noticed some marks on her arms and asked her about it but she is very standoff-ish when he does. Yesterday I noticed some bloody tissues in the bathroom and said something to him about it. After we talked he correctly decided to go talk to her and be a bit more direct letting her know this isn't OK and she needs to talk to him about what's going on. She also talks to a therapist at her College so not that we haven't been trying to help her.
When he went to talk to her about it she was awful to him. Just told him off pretty much... "you don't understand me"... "I talk to Mom and she understands me"... well not to be totally insensitive but WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN???? Go stay at your Mothers! Listening to the way she treats my husband.. who only just cares and is concerned about her?? If he's so awful and Mom is just wonderful then again... why are you here?? Maybe she can help her or give her what she needs... obviously we can not. I want to be clear that DH is not hard on these kids... he doesn't yell at them or pressure them. He's supportive and loving... it angers me that she portrays him as anything else. It's a lie. He is not the reason she is doing this to herself...and if he is it's not his doing.
So basically last night was uncomfortable. She stormed off after DH tried to talk to her and express his concerns. I don't even know who picked her up... didn't really care. Even though we've been in the house together all day (me upstairs working from home in my room and her downstairs in her lair) I haven't seen her. DH had to work late (convenient for him!!) so I'm stuck alone with her here. We are separate but my nerves and stomach are still feeling her presence overall.
Have any of you ever dealt with this whole "cutting" thing? I don't understand it or sympathize to it. To me it is stupid and a snowflake response to a "hard world" and "hard life" which is just total BS most of the time. I just have no idea what the right reponse is here. I know DH is doing the best he can and I can't blame him for not knowing all the answers as I cleary don't either. Really never thought it would be something I'd deal with. But now again...
Man I hope 2021 gets better!! LOL.