I knew what I was getting into....yeah right
Then reality hits.......I had NO IDEA. See previous blogs for history. So much crap has hit the fan and I am LOSING it. SD20 has gained almost 100 pounds since she went out of state for school. ALL she talks about is her weight, her anxiety, how many meds she is on, etc etc....it's annoying beyond belief. Even FDH has had it. She is about a year behind and at least 20K into student loan debts, not including the Parent Loans that BM has taken out. Thank all of the higher powers that FDH does NOT believe in taking out parent loans for college. So she is dropping out of school and wants to.....get this.....go to cosmotology school. Another 20K approximately. So if she actually sticks with it, she'll be at least 40K in debt before she starts working a "real job". She HATES any sort of physical activity. Um.....how are you going to handle being on your feet ALL DAY doing hair and bending over for shampoos and such???? All I could think was "SheCan'tLiveHereSheCan'tLiveHereIWillGoInsaneSheCan'tLiveHere". One night after a bottle (or two) of wine I blurted that out and as you can guess, it wasn't well received. NEVER MIND that we agreed no adult kids boomeranging back into the homestead. If she needed a place to stay for a few weeks/a month or so until her lease or whatever started I would have NO problem with that. Moving in with NO plan is not an option. She is stuck with her lease for her current apartment for this semester so I don't need to start really freaking out until May.
SD15 is the only "normal" kid out of the 3. She's the only one out of the 3 skids that doesn't have some sort of diagnosed mental issue, so yes, she is the "normal" one. Now she is starting to have "anxiety" and FDH is feeding into it!!! NO NO NO. She is a normal, messed up teenager, that's IT. Please let's not feed into the neediness and attention-seeking behavior!
SS14 is diagnosed autistic, "high" functioning, if you can call it that. Picture a 14 year old boy with an 5 year old's mentality and maturity. If he's not being a little a$$hole, he's being completely annoying. I have HAD IT with him. I treat him now like a chore I have to do. I do the basics for him, but that's it. I told FDH the same. There is nothing nice, kind, or interesting about this kid in any way. FDH admitted that, at least. It's a constant dark cloud on the household. I have to move my chair so that I am not within eyesight of SS during meals, otherwise his disgusting table manners would ruin my appetite. It's not that FDH is lacking in the parenting department. He has and does correct and discipline, but it does ZERO good. The kid just does not care. He does not get embarrassed by his behavior in public or in school. He feels no remorse, except to yell that we aren't FAIR when he receives consequences for his poor behavior. He has a detailed IEP at school, but they are getting sick of him, too. He is physically inappropriate with students and teachers...mostly excessive hugging. He hugged and kissed (on the cheek) a girl at school a few weeks ago and they suspended him for a day. The day before Christmas Break no less. On the grounds of sexual harassment. Then they decided to tack on a previously "undocumented" incident from a week before the hug/kiss incident where they said he "dry humped" a teacher. I am a total harda$$ when it comes to this kid and even I do not believe this. He hugged a teacher. FDH and I did ask him about both incidents. He 'fessed up freely to both. He did hug and kiss the girl and wouldn't let go when she said to. He said he hugged the teacher, but let go when she told him to. We asked if he was "rubbing" against the teacher and he looked very confused and asked "like a massage????" We inquired further and both agreed that we didn't believe the dry humping part. Also, his special ed teacher was specifically NOT included in any of this disciplinary action when she has been first and foremost involved with all of his previous incidents and progress reports, so we think it's the school administration just being....well, administration. Protecting the school, not the student.
So with all of this, FDH and I have been distant to and with each other. We had a good talk tonight, I explained that I just could not, would not, interact with SS anymore until he decides to be a positive addition to the household. I would be one of the first in line to encourage and cheer him on if he would JUST put some effort into controlling his behavior. I do believe that he has something wrong with the part of his brain that handles impulse control, but I do not believe that it is all-encompassing. He is also choosing his poor behaviors. He KNOWS right from wrong, he tries to be sneaky and underhanded (but I'm a hawk), which tells me that part of his behavior is CHOICE. It is much harder for him to control his impluses, but he just doesn't even try. I told FDH tonight that it doesn't even matter that he's autistic and his brain is messed up.....an a$$hole is still an a$$hole even if he can't help it to a certain extent. FDH loses his $hit with SS quite often so he readily admits that SS is a pain in the a$$ too. But he's DAD and he loves him. I do not have that connection. I think FDH understands and hopefully tonite we can get down to some intimate business (sorry TMI) that has been at ZERO these past couple of weeks.
So, yep. I suck at this SM business. I am counting down until SS is out of high school and out of the house and our "real lives" can begin. He qualifies for disability and there will hopefully be a halfway house or group home locally where he can live. Otherwise FDH will have to fork over some cash for a small apartment and a caretaker. FDH makes good money and he doesn't want SS living with us indefinitely either. Bleh. It's been almost a year to the day that we moved in together and for the most part, it has SUCKED. Hoping for a better 2019