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SS the lying thief

DarkStar's picture

I don't even feel badly anymore for disliking this kid.  I mentioned on previous blog that SS14 (high functioningish autistic) has recently lost his calculator.  Yesterday he tried taking calculators away from 2 teachers and 1 student claiming it was his.  Then, one of the teachers told SS to give the calculator back.  He refused.  She stood in the doorway and again asked for the calculator.  He refused again and pushed/brushed past her and left the classroom.  He has a history of inappropriate physical contact (mostly hugs) so this is a big no-no.  Another incident report emailed, I think this makes 7 or 8 for the school year?  Way to go SS.

Then this morning, I hear FDH yelling at SS, which is the norm about 80% of our mornings.  I do NOT participate in this morning nonsense, I retreat to our bedroom with my coffee.  So I asked FDH what was up.......SS had (again) taken food and was trying to hide it.  A package of cream cheese, a package of shredded cheese, and 2 pockets stuffed with crackers.  He's done this several times, he's a hoarder.  Mostly garbage.  Every day we have to have him empty out his coat and pants pockets.  Every day we have to go through his backpack to find whatever garbage and/or food he's stashed in there.  The things I have found would curl your stomach.  I'm the first one home usually, so I get stuck with this pleasant task.  There was an older blog about someone's SD that was a hoarder.  They mentioned that she kept all of those little plastic round things that you see in pizza delivery boxes because "she's crafty and these would make great crafts!"  That is EXACTLY SS.  He prefers leaves, sticks, stones, wrappers, and the cardboard roll from toilet paper.

And they lying is exhausting, but I just don't believe anything out of his mouth.  Stupid lies like washing his hands, brushing his teeth, having homework, etc.

He is so embarassing.  I avoid going in public with him as much as possible.  Hell, I avoid contact with him altogether.  I dread going to school activities for him or older SD cuz I can FEEL the whispers and HEAR the looks from teachers.  Yes, I did that on purpose, haha.  I want to buy a T-shirt that says "NOT my kid".  It will go nicely with the one that says "Ask YOUR Dad"

I wish SS14 would get into just a LITTLE more serious trouble.  LIke having a kid knock him down (no injuries) for stealing his stuff.  Or having a police officer collect him from school and scare the crap out of him.  But so far, nothing gets through to this kid.  No positive reinforcement, no negative consequences, writing sentences, losing screens, corner timeouts, Rags' Extreme Chore Plan, nothing works.  He feels no embarassment or shame in his behavior, he acts up in class in front of 30 other students and gets removed from class on a regular basis.....Nope, not embarrassed in the slighest.  In desperation a couple of months ago, I told him I would give him $100 and we would go out and get WHATEVER toys he wanted if he could finish the rest of the week with no incident reports.  Hell, he didn't even make it a day.  But, when I wouldn't give him another chance, here come the tears and "you're not faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!"  Of course, with his speech impediment, it comes out "you're not fayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyowwwwwwww"

So finals were this week and kids come home from school early.  T minus 2 hours and this little brat will be home. 

And FDH is NOT ditching me with SS, I'm not going to bail on FDH, FDH is not a lazy uninvolved parent, this is just me VENTING and VENTING and VENTING some more about a situation that totally sucks for everyone.  Yep.  I'm going to have a cocktail at 9am over this, cheers!


Chmmy's picture

Since he is on autism spectrum he wont be embarrassed. They dont pick up on social cues but sounds like you do when you HEAR the dirty looks.

Ah to go through life without feeling judged by others lol!!

I've actually read quite a few of your blogs recently and dont know how you are still with this man. You must be a saint. Didn't you break up at least twice?

My DH is so cluless that teachers hate his kid. Read my recent blog if you're interested.

DarkStar's picture

and it's been a long hard road.  A little backstory....I met skids after 9 months of dating FDH.  BM had primary custody and he got them every weekend.  I was shocked when I first met them.....feral animals.  Filthy, smelly, dirty clothes, non-existent table manners, crappy grades, SS then in first grade could barely READ.  BM was and is a lazy parent.  I thank the heavens that she is NOT a greedy vindictive person, because she could have bled FDH dry with CS and raised the kids into future criminals and burger-flippers.  Instead, about a year into dating (3 months after I met skids) BM called FDH and said, "I can't do it anymore, will you take them?"  He said YES....I said YES, thank goodness.  He said it's going to affect our relationship, and I said we will work through it, you need to take those kids and yes, SAVE them.

Things are sucky now, yes, but I do not regret that FDH took primary custody of skids.  They aren't perfect by any means, and they are all currently struggling, but it would be MUCH MUCH worse if BM had continued to raise them.  It's just so damn hard.  I see kids running around playing, walking home from school, doing NORMAL things that SS will never do and I just hate it.  I hate it for him, I hate it for FDH, I hate it for his teachers.  I'm just trying to get through this stage.  That's what this is.  A stage.  This is not my permanent life.  If for whatever reason, FDH reneges on our deal of no adults living with us, I will leave.  He knows this.

Chmmy's picture

Same here. I don't regret him taking the feral brats from their mother. They were with him half the time anyway and he paid CS and he bought everything from clothes to expenses and even toilet paper cuz BM blew all the CS money on her psychic lol

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Is collecting things a sign of autism? DD collects things like sticks and rocks for "real life minecraft" and shiny stuff like coins and her best friend has a ceremony of collecting small rocks and piling one at a time on the front porch when she gets home. I call them little magpies. 

DarkStar's picture

If left to his own devices, his room would look like a Hoarders episode.  It DID used to look like that at his old house before we moved in together.  FDH would just close his door and forget about it until the stench would waft through the house, then he would push-broom everything into a garbage bag.  Lather.Rinse.Repeat every month or so.


DarkStar's picture

I would NEVER have gotten engaged and moved in.  I thought I would be able to handle things, I thought I understood how SS is/was/would be, but it's gotten so BAD since he started puberty.  If there was just some redeeming quality about him, I would cling to that in a heartbeat, but if he's not being a little jerk, then he's being completely annoying.  My dad told me that I was too cold and harsh with him, until our family Christmas party.  THEN he said, "Wow, I couldn't even take 10 minutes with him, I don't know how you do it."