Reversion back to Disneyland
It's amazing how well a DH can be doing then BOOM back to Disney parenting!
He's "made up" with SD14 so things are super fun again! Don't ask her to do anything! Ignore her attitude! And lord forbid SD12 should do anything either!
We got home after dinner on Friday, it was great to have a night out. Walk in the door and there's a pool of water, with melting ice cubes in it at the bottom of the stairs, sitting there obviously for some time, on the wood floor. I ask DH, 'please make sure one of the girls cleans that up.' He indicates yes, then goes and sits on the couch a few minutes later. I'm like, WTF? 'DH, can you PLEASE get that cleaned up now, it's on the wood floor.' He goes to kitchen and gets paper towels. 'Seriously? Way to get them respnsible for their own situation DH! You can't ask them to clean it up?' Says he's too tired. 'J.C. DH, really?' He goes BACK to couch and pouts. I go down there, knock on their doors, ask whose water spilled, SD12 says it was her. I tell her to please clean it up now. She does. I thank her, she says 'you're welcome.' DONE. IS THAT SO DAMMED HARD?
Then he's negotiating with SD12 about dinner. Do you want this? What about this? What would you like? Maybe this? Digs through fridge and freezer to try to find something she will eat, even though he's just been to the store. I just kept mouth shut.
Then, after getting their bathroom floor/new toilet in, he takes the weekend to get the counters/sink/bathtub cleaned out. But it got done. But the hand soap and towels were never put out. For over a day. I ask why not. 'I don't know where it is.' 'DH, you know where the hand towels are and maybe check the cabinet for soap?' He goes and sits on couch. Pouts again. I swear he's acting like an 11 yo. So I put sticky note on their bathroom door to put out soap and get a hand towel in there. This morning, soap is out but still no towels. Done with that situation. Going to walk by and ignore.
I can disengage, but when the floor is being damaged or there's no freaking soap and towels out for basic hygiene, come on! I am not having them in the kitchen and touching everything. They do wash their hands when it's available but he KNOWS they will not do anything for themselves. G*d forbid they need to ASK about something. Everyone knows where extra things are.
Just so frustrated, and it'll be a week of this...spring break and all.
Disengage, breathe, keep mouth shut, get out of the house.
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Comments
I am "kinda" with your
I am "kinda" with your husband on the ice cube. Maybe because I have beautiful wood floors I love, or maybe because I have 6 kids at home right now, but if I see ice sitting on the wood floor, I just wipe it up and tell all who are listening, "You guys are going to ruin the wood floors if you don't pick up the ice that falls on the floor. Then I will be ticked off." It generally isn't worth hunting down who did and making them clean it up. If I see someone drop water/ice onto the floor, I just stop them and ask them to wipe it up. I don't know -- I guess somethings really aren't worth taking the time to track down the culprit and demand they clean it up. I just do it or my husband just does it.
Also, with the dinner on Friday, I have been known to question my kids, after I have gone out to dinner, on what they want. This isn't a daily occurrence but it is an acknowledgement that I just went out to eat, I don't plan on making a big dinner for the rest of the family, and so I am happy to help them find something they want. That being said, 12 and 14 seems a little old to be worrying about it. My 10 and 7 year old frequently just ask me, "Mom, can I have one of the chicken pot pies?" Or some other food choice. They don't need me to rustle them up some grub, if you kwim. When they get hungry on a "make your own dinner day" they find something to eat.
At 12 and 14, they are also old enough to set out their own hand towels and soap. I would just call them and say, "Hey, get some soap out from beneath the sink and put it on the counter. Also, grab some hand towels and put them in the bathroom." If they don't do it, I'd tell my hubbie (like you did) to do it. And then if I still doesn't happen -- well, they have to eat with dirty, poopy, peed on hands not me OR I'd put out the soap because, well, I have to live with the kids with dirty, poopy, peed on hands and I don't want to. Which ever way I am feeling at the moment would determine what I did.
I guess I would pick my battles. Some of these don't seem worth getting worked up over -- at least not to me.
1) I am not going to be the
1) I am not going to be the only one always cleaning up. This has lead to many problems for me and the lack of respect because it's not just one little thing here or there. That I'd be ok with, but this was a POOL of water and ice cubes. NOT ok to just leave a spill.
2) Picky eating is endemic and DH exacerbates the whole thing. We were making dinner already. He lets SDs dictate, not help decide. SD12 is better but she reverts to "I don't know" when DH asks her anything. She's capable of cooking for herself, but he doesn't let her do it.
3) I left it. No more words on soap/towels. It grosses me out but I left it.
Nothing grosses me out like
Nothing grosses me out like going into a bathroom and seeing the soap is empty or just not available. Gross gross gross.
Ye Olde Backslide
Also known as the 180 or 1 step forward 2 steps back.
I ran into this with YSS at the time 7, leaving wet towels all over the expensive laminate floor. Now at the Girhippo's house, anything goes because they live like the filthiest pigs, however, this was during the culmination of Chef's Disney/Guilty days. At this point only his beloved mini-me, YSS was coming over and he could do NO wrong. I told him about it and he told me to "pick it up if I don't like it" (once again, didn't want his brat not to come to visitation and was afraid of the HC Girhippo so anything goes).
Then he told me that he could FIX any damage (his brats) did.
In your shoes, I wouldn't have a problem with DH picking up after skid because it would never be a problem if it is just you having a "problem" with the sloppiness
I remember this WELL!! You are giving me flashbacks!!!
Yeah, the problem is guess
Yeah, the problem is guess who fixes any damage, who then must deal with up any piles left on the floor or all over the dinner table, or cannot cook a meal for herself because the kitchen is a disaster, or who lives with THREE people who cannot seem to wash their own towels (I've resorted to hiding clean/good towels under my side of the bed so I at least have those to use), etc., etc. COVER! It's not just a minor occurance but ice cream, pasta, all kinds of everything is just left on the floor for "someone else" to pick up ALL THE TIME. There's a reason I hired someone to clean their bathroom and a housecleaner for me once a month starting this Saturday.
I'm mostly just venting above, but holy cr@p it gets annoying the fifth time I step on pasta on the floor or clean off sticky stuff from the handrail (not only SDs BTW)....I've learned mostly to just keep my mouth shut so I vent here.
** last night DH had cleaned the whole kitchen. I suspect it was a disaster before I came home. Anyway, the SDs used the kitchen later on and he was complaining about cleaning it again because he just did it. YEAH, I know! Tell me more DH!
This is progress
Having DH act as butler to his "angels" and experiencing the DOWNSIDE of having never parented correctly!
BINGO
BINGO
Yep, this has been my go to
Yep, this has been my go to move with my SO. SD comes over and leaves and leaves a mess behind and I make SO clean it or he can choose to wait til she gets back to clean it. I would like her to be responsible for her messes but since he doesn't enforce that he becomes responsible by default. I also make him cook when she is there because of her expecting options/dictating foods/etc. Okay, all on you SO! Enjoy!!!!!