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Disengagement Reasons 257 & 258

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 03/12/2020 - 11:42am

* Reason I withdraw from spending food $ indiscriminately and make sure DH pays me back for some of it; I do the majority of both food shopping and basic household misc. shopping (towels, linens, replacing a broken doorknob, etc.).  If it involves a major trip and food that is needed when YSD is here, he pays me at least half.  Household stuff I just buy unless it's a major deal like a bunch of new towels since his family is visiting and we didn't have enough guest towels. 

DH pitched another fit about me asking for $60 for half the groceries I got yesterday.  Because a week and a half ago he went to X store and got a bunch.  Oh, DH, did you forget about my shopping trip on Saturday, which totalled $180 BTW, did you spend that much at X store?  Did you hear me ask for that money, or for money for the repairs on the window or new doorknob I'm fixing?  Do you konw HOW much I actually spend going to the store for odd trips on my way home beause YOU are out of something (we have one car and it's difficult to get to - we've discussed this extra burden on ME which he forgets about...)....and how much did you spend at X store? 

So I've decided to keep each and every receipt I spend on basic household stuff for the month, note how much I ask in return.  Then I'm going to make him compare how much he has contributed.  I'd rather he pay his IRS debt off to tell the truth, but he's not allowed to b*tch at me because I'm taking some of his slack.

2) YSD coughing deeply in the shower this morning, does not sound good. Because of the health issues we allllll know about, I let DH know (he cannot hear it from our room).  He looks at me like I've told him something very minor. I say fine, then go talk with her when she gets out.  So what does he do?  Comes and finds ME, in the office, and asks, accusingly, if she's still been coughing - No DH, she hasn't.  Why don't you go ask her?  You know she hides it when she's sick because she doesn't want to miss school (truth!) and then don't bother me again.

Dammit.  Really, I cannot mention ANYTHING related to SDs at all, he's getting worse about it I swear.

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Dads_Wife's picture

Submitted by Dads_Wife on Thu, 03/12/2020 - 2:21pm

My solution to part of the money thing would be to no longer stop and pick up things he needs. Instead, I would say, DH I'll be home in 20 minutes or so and then you can take the car and go out. 

I've done this technique with mine when he is extra bitchy about something. At first, he gets his ass on his shoulders because now he has to do more for himself (god forbid) but eventually he calms down and he doesn't do/say whatever it was he did/said to irritate me to being with ever again.