SS15 wants to murder me and our family
Last week I went into SS15's room to check that he had cleaned it before he went to his mom's. It needs to be vacuumed and I wanted to make sure there was nothing on the floor. On his desk was an open notebook, so I read the page that it was open to. The first paragraph was all about how I had told him to go write down things he is good at to find some motivation in life. The second paragraph started with, "I often contemplate the murder of my stepmother, but I care enough to know that would do me no good." The paragraph ended with "I guess I'll just do my work at school and plan the murder of my family, jk lol."
He hasn't been back in my house since.
DH was outraged with SS15 at first and freaked out about out little kids safety. But then he took SS15 to the ER for a threat assessment and they said we should get him counseling and secure all unsafe items. SS15 gets counseling sporadically for all of the other threatening comments he has made to his classmates and teachers, but only gets it when I CONSTANTLY remind DH to make the appointments. "Oh yeah, I gotta do that." is the answer most times I remind him. Anyway, SS15 went to DH's friend's house for two nights, and when she finally responded, SS finally went to BM's. He has an appointment with his regular counselor on Wednesday and DH made a "family" appt on March 3.
Slowly DH has changed his tune (as I'm sure MANY of you have noticed they do). Now he's saying stuff like, "He doesn't have to come back here if YOU don't want him to." Or "What would it take to convince you that he is not a threat?"
My answer is that there is nothing that will convince me. If SS sleeps here I will not sleep at all and the other kids will be in my room with the door locked while I point (something) at the door. IF he were 8, 10, 12, I would waver, but he is 15 and man-sized. I was on him about his grades that weekend (see previous entry), but not as bad as DH was. And DH reminds me that maybe I was too hard on him. What about the teachers he threatened to kill in May when they told him he was too dangerous to go to the 8th grade dance? He was suspended for the last 7 days of school. OR the threat assessment that was done on him in 7th grade when he threatened to blow up the school and hit a teacher with a bat.
The other two biggest things that DH keeps forgetting: 1. SS15 hasn't even ASKED to come back home. 2. SS15 has not even apologized for writing that stuff, let alone tried to convince anyone that he isn't dangerous.
So I'm sticking to my guns and not allowing him to come back. DH has said that maybe he will get an apartment so that he can stay will SS when he has his custody, and I'm like go for it. (It bs anyway, it'd be cheaper to pay CS to BM) I am taking myself out of the equation here. They can say I kicked him out or that I was SO MEAN :sick: , but that's the last bit of ammo they get from me. I am always to blame, BM texted SS all summer about how DH was choosing me and my kids over him (classic). So she can have that. Now THEY can try to set boundaries and THEY can try to say no to this psychopath and THEY can have him break all the rules and threaten to kill THEM. I'm done being the fall guy. If he was my bio-kid he would have been in weekly therapy for years and been getting the help he needs. At this point, the two goofballs who made him can figure out how to make it through the next three years.
Anyone who sees me as the bad guy can say what they want. I am a good mother protecting my children and setting a hard boundary against SS15. You don't get to write the word murder twice about your family and continue to be a part of the family until you prove that you're not dangerous. So far the only one trying to bully me into believing SS isn't dangerous is DH, not SS. So SS15 is now a free bird, he can fly out in the world and con all the people he meets, I pray for all who come in contact with him.