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Our court date and an update on SD12

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

DH and I got notice yesterday that a court date has been set in the never ending custody case. BM has actually hired a lawyer and is spewing all kind of venom. She is claiming that she took SD10 because SD told BM that we were abusing her. She was just trying to rescue her. She is asking for visitation to be returned because she is working with CPS and is in counseling. These are requirements for her divorce from her DH. He is also asking for full custody of the kids they share.

To make matters worse, DH is dealing with SD10's backlash. She is so angry that she can't see her mom. She cries almost constantly. She begs and pleads to call her mom. She also has started to refuse to eat. We make her eat, but she has lost weight. She is doing okay in school, but the last few weeks before Christmas break were rough. Her teacher told DH that she is withdrawn and uninterested. It is like pulling teeth to get her to do her homework. It breaks my heart to hear her crying.

Her therapist says that we need to give it more time, so that is what we are doing. She is just having a hard time with it. It seems like she has fallen apart since BM came and took her.

There has been no further contact from BM in regards to SD10, but we figure that is because she is dealing with all kinds of things with SD12 and her STB ExDH

In the meantime, DH has been working to get things settled with SD12. She was in some legal trouble. She had to see a counselor because of these issues. Apparently, alarm bells were going off because of some of the stuff that SD12 was telling this lady. She contacted CPS and had a report filed on BM. They went out to BM's house and found that it is not liveable (what a shocker). So they took SD12 out of her custody and put her with DH's aunt. SD12 is seeing a therapist, who has been working with CPS and DH. SD12 has made it clear that she doesn't want to live here. She told her therapist that she will harm herself if she has to move back in here. And honestly, they don't recommend that we bring her around the younger kids right now. She is having all kinds of issues.

Obviously, SD12 cannot live with MIL as she is part of the problem. So DH came up with a solution. SD12 will be finishing out the school year with his aunt, who lives in the same home state. Then she will move back to our home state, but will go to a special school that combines therapy and academics. He has already started the process with the school. It is only 20 minutes from our home so he will be able to visit her. Also, he and SD12 will start counseling together to try and repair their broken relationship. He will be able to pick her up on the weekends and spend time with her. Eventually, he hopes to allow her visits with SD10.

SD12 doesn't seem so upset by this prospect. She doesn't have many choices. DH is hoping she will get help for her anger issues and her threats to harm herself. He didn't know it but she has been cutting herself. Right now, he is just trying to get the process started and get it approved legally. Of course, BM is fighting us every step of the way. I don't know if this will work out or not, but I hope for DH's sake that it will. These girls need to be kept from BM, as she is toxic.


Acratopotes's picture

Oh dear... I truly feel for you and DH..... and a bit for the girls but not allot...

Why do I have this nagging feeling that SD10 has contact with BM... maybe from a friends phone, during school?

BM sure did a nice job effing up those kids, would it help if you and DH and her soon to be Ex stand together against this vile creature....

would it help if BM.... just goes awy, never to be heard of or seen again }:)

Livingoutloud's picture

SD10 is likely talking to BM one way or the other. Check her school email. All our kids have school emails and parents often don't even know about it. What a horrid situation. Hang in there

Gimlet's picture

I'm pretty grumpy today around the topic of shitty fathers (BIL in this case, not my DH) and then I read the absolute Hell that your DH and you have been through and the tenacity and empathy that you display in helping these kids who, I have to be honest, I don't know if I could even stand at this point.

You guys are pretty amazing people.

StepStella's picture

I agree with Gimlet...You guys sure have put up with a lot and deal with a lot. I too have gone through some similar situations and all I want to do is say F-em! and disappear... But your strength and tenacity goes a long way. The shitty thing is you won't see the positive benefits of all your hard work until long long after they have grown... or moved on. But no one can ever say you didn't care or try your best.
Good luck, I am hoping for the best for you.