Plain and Simple
BM is worthless. Plain and simple.
I am so unbelievably sick and tired of having her as a constant in my life. She is a pathetic waste of time and space. Any benefit of the doubt I have extended to her, I humbly retract as of this very moment.
She's as worthless as she is typical in all that she does.
I knew something was going on because all her needy phone calls to DH stopped about two weeks ago. I thought to myself, "Wow, she finally took the hint..." and I was enjoying the quiet. Not only that DH has been enjoying his new found freedom of not having to listen to her whine about all that is wrong in her life. We both figured she found some poor lost soul to feed her neverending need to have some sort of penis in her life.
Well, we were right. Only problem is that the faceless loser that she's been spending her nights with just became apparent and it just so happens that BM has a permanent restraining order against the idiot who beat her up a few months ago.
She called DH yesterday to 'inform' him that she has dropped all charges and that she misses him. She feels that everyone around her is 'moving on' and she wants to be happy like everyone else. DH quickly reminded her that this prince she misses so much also beat her up on his front lawn with her crying children taking a front row seat. Her response? I should have never called the cops and it was blown way out of proportion.
WTF?
Not only that, DH had to take a day off work to testify at the permanent restraining order hearing. Then when I get home, I open the mailbox to find yet another friggin' bill that BM had the doctor's office send to us instead of paying the damned $20 copay. JUST PAY THE BILL!!!!! As of right now she owes us over $150. Then she had the audacity to call DH this morning wanting to know if we could just get SD11's school supplies since we were getting SD5 and SD9's and she would pay us back. DH told her that would not be likely.
I am so tired of the shennanigans of some cuckoo coco puff that my husband met before I was even out of highschool.
The girls will never forgive her for this. SD11 told me last night that she wants to come live with us...all the time. She said that she will never step foot in (her mom's) BF's house again and her mom can't make her.
BM is bipolar which I is a forgivable excuse to her madness. I can appreciate that she struggles with how she feels at any given time....BUT this sad showing of her neverending codependency just makes me strip her of ANY respect I might of had. How feable minded do you have to be to be with a man even if it is at the expense of your own children? She disgusts me and she embraces EVERY trait I hate in a woman.
She's a loser and a sad excuse for a mother. Period.
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Comments
Unfortunately....
that's where the Bipolar diagnosis is doing it's part, BM has no knowledge of how to think about, much less FEEL anything for others, INCLUDING her poor children. These women have to have a warm body next to them NO MATTER WHAT! Believe me, been there witnessed that! And your skids, because they love her, NO MATTER WHAT, will eventually forgive her. I wish I could give you a little bit of good news, but until and IF this woman admits she has a problem and DOES something about it (like take meds) it will be a never ending circle.
Oh, I forgot! You DO HAVE HOPE. The skids will grow up and begin their own lives, and she won't. I feel sorry for the kids. They are going to be the ones that have to live with her the rest of her life (in one way or another, YOU DON'T)
Sorry for the bad news, it's just that I have been down this same road you are going down now. And yes you are right, I just call them a waste of space, and using up good air!
Call me jaded and scarred, and hangingin (sometimes by my finger nails)
She does take her meds...
but she is still in the business of extremes.
You're right. I feel sorry for the girls. She will soon become their sole problem. They'll pick her up when she's down because we won't have to care anymore about her mental state.
I'm just pissed off today.
She's 40 years old and she acts like a poor love sick teenager that doesn't know better.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Sounds like your BM is related to ours.
I can only empathize with you. Our BM is bipolar as well and she only considers herself as her children are an after thought most days. You just have to find ways around her stupidity to cope. As the kids grow up, they will eventually begin to see her in true daylight. The bad news is that it takes time. They want to have the best relationship with her and will oftentimes elevate her to a status that she is unworthy of. The good news is that at some point they will be 18 and if they choose to continue with the crazy cycle of bipolar then they can go live with her. You will have done your job. Chances are even then they won't want to.
My Skids want to see BM, but they don't want to be around her for any extended period of time which says to me they see it, but don't want to admit it. Keep your head up.
My new StepMother's Motto:
When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.
Seeing her for who she is...
They already do. She has sat them down at least a half dozen times in the past two years and 'promised' that she would never go back to this man. BM even resorted the last time to sneaking him in her window while they were sleeping. SD11 had her figured out after hearing his distinct voice and promptly explained to her dad how dumb she thought her mom was.
But she is still their mother. I just don't respect her as a human being today.
I'll get over it.
But today I am stomping my feet and screaming...
"BM is a MORON!!!!!!!!"
I am tired of cleaning up her messes and consoling crying children because of her complete inadequacy of being even a mediocre mother.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Yep
Sounds like our BM, a waste of a perfectly good sperm and an egg.
My new StepMother's Motto:
When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.
Agreed.
She is a waste of space.
When I agreed to take DH's kids into my life, I never realised I would end up having to deal with the big ugly adult size children that are the BM's.
That about sums it up.
"When I agreed to take DH's kids into my life, I never realised I would end up having to deal with the big ugly adult size children that are the BM's."
Big, ugly, adult size children...
She is like a 12 year old...most of the time.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
lol
My skids are 11 and 12 and act like they're 5. The BM is 31 and acts like she's 11. You see her with them and she acts like their friend! WTF! No wonder she had no control over them and they became out of control.
~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~
31....
That's mentally 9 or 10 in BM years, isn't it?
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Lets just hope and pray,
that BM dosen't do what our BM from HELL did! When SD started "budding" (as the old timers would say) into the beautiful young lady she is today. BM became her "BESTEST" friend. She would NOT let her go out on a date unless BM could come too. She LITERALLY became a teenager! I had young boys parents calling our house and asking what in HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN? She picked out the young men that SD could date, unless the boy did EVERYTHING BM wanted and bowed down to HER, SD had hell until she broke up with boyfriend just to get BM off her case. SD finally did rebel, and met a older man that (at first) BM APPROVED of,(he has MONEY!) UNTIL he told her EXACTLY HOW THE COW ATE THE CABBAGE, and told BM he
"WAS NOT SUPPORTING HER FAT ASS"
His EXACT words!!! But of course by then it was too late, SD WAS PREGNANT.But that was right up BM's alley too, she had what she wanted anyway, another brain to manipulate andd control.BM did manage to break them up a few times. BUT, I do believe she has a rude awakening coming.... Baby Daddy is not like any other man she can manipulate, he is biding his time and gathering all he needs to take the baby, he has power, money and influence. So time will tell. I just fell sorry for SD, because I know that SD really does love her baby's father, and they would be happy if not for the selfish, MANIPULATING ASS of BM.
hangingin
I love it
Big, ugly adult sized children!!! My DH (and me, I guess) have TWO of them. BM #1 who is mentally ill, diagnosis unknown except nutty and a skid row type alcoholic. SS27is bipolar but functioning right now. BM#2 who is probably Borderline/Narcissitic personality disorder-it's all about HER,HER, HER and never SD20 or 17. SHe prides herself on being friends with the skid which is why they have no bounds or limits.
Luckily BM#1 has no way to contact us and BM#2 canonly talk to DH by way of a personal cell phone or email. DH decided that she could not be allowed to have contact with him at his job when we moved back home.
BM1
Imagine a six foot tall, 300 pound toddler. She pouts, she whines, stomps her big old foot. She can't change a light bulb, let alone a tyre. She can't budget. She can't be alone. She can't say no to the skids. She doesn't think life is 'fair'. She sobs 'don't you care about me and the children?' into the phone when DH says he can't give her any more money. She tells tales and talks behind peoples backs. She has tantrums and runs to mommy when things don't go her way.
I don't care how mature you want me to be, I ain't changing Chucky's diapers.
She doesnt have any disorders. She just needs to grow up.
If she is old enough to have sex and get pregnant four times, then she must be old enough to sort out her own life.
I have a mirror situation to
I have a mirror situation to this but hope we are toward the end if this chapter, SD hates her exSF, even after the divorce and several restraining orders, physical abuse and cheating on both sides BM stayed w/ ex SF til last week- he has court again for domestic next month and is likely going to jail this time. BM owes us almost $1200, but can not pay due to her "disability" but this situation does not keep her from going out every night, driving round for hours, sitting on her computer for hours stright lookin for the next sucker, and still feels her "life" has no effect on SD and blames us for SDs issues even though SD was sadly a witness to much of this.
I do my best for SD, and pray often, let's hope it works.
There is no reason where logic does not exist
I think stupidity....
Should be considered a disability, at least that way these bm's could have another route of income besides ours!! Just kidding, or am I??
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
CG.. Do you feel better now you got that off your chest?
It's always quiet before the storm. My SD at age 14 came to live with us and I soley believe that she did this in order to punish her mother for not kicking out her loser SD. She didn't move here to obtain a better way of life, she just began to resent our way of life. If I heard it once, I heard it over and over...It's not fair that we have a nice house here, that we don't worry about where our next meal is coming from and my mom has too. I just responded by saying, well your mother could have taken some college courses when she was on furlow, but chose not to.
Becareful of what they are saying, they may just be telling you what they think you want to hear, know what I mean?
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Good to know
that this type of irrational thinking is across the board and not just in my home. When DH & I try to rationalize with Skids that we have a nice home, nice cars and vacations because we WORK for those things. They tend to feel sorry that BM does not. It is not our fault that she has squandered away every opportunity afforded her. She had a job making $50K plus $1K monthly in CS. SHE chose to shop, not pay her bills, not show up to work and a host of other bad decisions that have her in the predicament that she is currently in. No one forced that life on her. They didn't seem to care when it was reversed and we had to make do because of the amount of CS. My saving grace is that one day they will see who really did what and who really was there for them. In the meantime all you can do is hang in there.
My new StepMother's Motto:
When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.
Some Cuckoo Coco Puff!!
LOL - Ok that cracks me up! So she is now the CCP instead of the BM? I can't imagine dealing with this kind of crap on a regular basis. I keep thinking powdered donuts and tea. Over time, they will eventually take care of anything. Serve them on some old lace...
A good vent. Keep on going. I think your stability for your SKs is critical for them in the long run.