I've had a small epiphany. I genuinely hate my husband's ex. Like really HATE. The kind of hate where you're pretty sure that if you found out she had died some horrible painful death you would have to consciously restrain yourself for smiling and laughing. So, in my epiphany, I've realized that I have to cut her out of my life as much as humanly possible in order to improve my own quality of life. I don't want to see her, talk to her, hear about her, nothing. I want--as childish as it may sound--to pretend that she doesn't exist and that my loving SD was simply created out of thin air. She brings me nothing but frustration and I'm not willing to expend precious energy on someone so worthless. In some ways I can do that, like when I see her car pull into the driveway I sneak away into the bedroom until she's gone, or when she calls my phone I refuse to answer and let her call DH instead.

However, there are some places that I can't avoid her without essentially punishing my stepdaughter. I love my stepdaughter. I have wished on many occasions that I was real mother and had the pleasure of birthing her. So when it comes to things like her basketball games or her music concerts, I can't not go. I want to support her and show her that I'm there for her and a part of her life. But how do I do this when it means having to encounter "the beast"? I'm honestly to the point where I don't think I can be truly happy with BM's constant presence, and to see her literally ruins my entire day and often the next one.

I don't know if I'm actually expecting an answer here or if I just need to vent, but I have to find a way to balance my support of my SD without sacrificing my own happiness, and as of now I can't figure out how to do that. Any words of wisdom? Anyone relate?