You are here

Haven't been here in a while... have to admit I'm frustrated

Colorado Girl's picture

The mother of my stepchildren is in the process of adopting a one year old child.

The stepmother of my own children is pregnant.

My husband pays child support and has 50/50 custody, it's true 50/50 but where dad has residential for school purposes. All health insurance and daycare are his responsibility. Copays for medical and dental is 60(Dad)- 40(Mom).

I have primary with an about 65/35 split (EO-WND during school and EO-WK in the summer). I'm responsible for health insurance and other expenses as well. Copays for medical is 50/50. My exH lost his job and is not currently paying child support.

Both exes decided that they can't "afford" to help with braces, school supplies, medical presecriptions, school fees, school clothes, sports fees and equipment... nothing.

How I FEEL. The new babies with their current spouses have taken precedent.

My youngest son got kicked out of his room to the basement and is sleeping on a bed that he doesn't fit on. The babies room is newly painted and furnished. Mom doesnt' work. Goes to school.

All three of my stepdaughters will have to begin sharing a room once their new brother is older. He currently sleeps in a crib in mom and dad's room.

I do believe that we are a symbiotic family, where everything affects one another. So, we are all in this together. I have zero expectation to take part in the decision of our former spouses to procreate... but I do have an expectation, which I firmly believe is a reasonable one, that you continue to take care of the current children who seem to be slowly but surely drifting towards just "visiting" the other households where they don't seem to take precedent. My older son and my older stepdaughter don't want to go at all. BM has expressed that she "doesn't know how [SD] is going to get to school this year [the weeks that she is with her] now that she's in highschool. I'm not taking her that early."

Yeah, well I'm not picking her up every morning either. She can just stay the night all week is my solution.

I'm pissed off... and broke.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Hi CG, sorry you're going through this. I guess I don't know what else to say other than, sometimes things have a way of working themselves out. It may seem like your kids life at their dads is taking a back seat to the baby, but chances are it won't be like this forever?

I say this because I am on the opposite side, I am the SM who has an almost 20 month old BS with DH. We live in a small 2 bedroom house right now and BS1 has one bedroom and DH and I have the other, when the skids come they have to sleep on the couch. HOWEVER, BS1 room used to be a spare bedroom that the kids refused to sleep in, so it's not like BS1 just took precendence. We've been cramped now for almost two years, but DH and I are in the process of buying a house where everyone will have their own bedroom including skids. So who knows? Maybe in a year or so, you're Ex will be able to move into something bigger and everyone will have more space?

I can also say that from all outward appearances it may seem that my BS1 gets lots of toys and cute clothes and such from DH, but that skids don't. Well, yes, BS1 gets lots of stuff, BUT I have a full-time job and I pay for almost everything for BS1.. diapers, clothes, toys, daycare, EVERYTHING! I think I could tick off on one hand the things that DH has bought for BS1 and it's not that he doesn't care, he's just not into the "baby" stage stuff and that's fine. But people who don't know this might think that skids are getting the shaft because of BS1, when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

At any rate, I know your situation is different than mine, but I just wanted to give another perspective. If I was in your shoes, I would be annoyed too, try to keep your chin up and hang in there for those brighter days that MUST be around the corner. Smile

Colorado Girl's picture

You're right. Smile

I also wanted to point out that I really don't mind that they are having more kids. That is their choice. The little brother that is already here is just as cute as a button...

I'm just mad that they won't help me pay for stuff. Now.

I never thought I'd be "that" kind of person who would pick up my stepdaughters and be pissed at the sight of a new stroller because she owes my husband over $1400 in medical reimbursements.

But I was.

I'm also jumping to conclusions in that it could have been a present (or whatever). Her husband is also fully employed.

I'm just annoyed RIGHT NOW. Smile

I just spent over $1000 in the past two weeks on school supplies, orthodontist/dentist appointments, school clothes, tennis shoes (where my youngest SD informed me that "Mom says you guys have to buy them"), school fees, lunch money, blahzee blah... oh and child support is paid in full to the non-contributing BM.

It just feels very, very unfair right now. Not saying that it's truly not fair. Just FEELS like it right now.

DaizyDuke's picture

I never thought I'd be "that" kind of person who would pick up my stepdaughters and be pissed at the sight of a new stroller because she owes my husband over $1400 in medical reimbursements.

Yeah, my ExH did this crap to me... owed me thousands of dollars per the divorce agreement, was supposed to pay off a credit card that was in my name per the divorce agreement, and couldn't be bothered to do any of that... but went out and bought a new boat and a new truck and took golf trips etc. Hey, all that stuff is A-OK with me, seriously, have a great life, enjoy yourself, but DON'T thumb your nose at me, when you owe me money. It's called being responsible. If your BM can't pay the bills for your skids, why on earth is she adding another kid to the mix?

Colorado Girl's picture

Ummm...yes.

I am truly amazed that she ever passed the first interview (or whatever it is that they do).

She is comorbid BPD/Bipolar. Diagnosed. She's on several medications addressing her mental health. She is doing all that is required I'm assuming... and she also seems to just adore the little guy. So I don't know. I've known some pretty wonderful people who suffer the same, and I feel they surely deserve being a parent if they are doing the best they can.

I just believe that it should also involve taking care of the children you ALREADY have.

Colorado Girl's picture

So, this certainly has crossed my mind. Smile

Have you ever been thru a custody dispute?

My experience has cost me money and heartache... and almost my marriage.

Any other ideas besides that? Smile

purpledaisies's picture

Honey you need to stop doing her part! Plain and simple. Do NOT buy her stuff for her kids for her! When your sd said mommy said you guys have to pay for it, I would have said sorry honey but I only budgeted half or my part as I can't afford the whole thing. Need to do that with EVERY THING! Only do your part and leave it at that. I know it sounds like the kids might suffer yep but only for a while til bm gets her head outta her a$$. As it stands now she knows you will pay for it and she doesn't have to so you are enabling her to not take care of her kids. She has come to rely on you guys so she spends her money else where knowing you will cover it.

Take back the control of your money! Quit letting her decide how you will spend your money. For that matter do the same with your ex he knows the same thing that you will cover it so he is not worried about his kids. Neither is the bm she knows you will take care of it so she doesn't have too.
you can't keep doping this.