Road bump
Ok, so I bought my laptop - its beautiful!!!! All by myself with my own financing and set up and EVERYTHING. Always had hand-me-downs before, so this is a BIG DEAL.
ok. So for the Road bump:
I checked the parent portal for Backstabber/Munchkin - Failing Art, Failing Orchestra, and D in honors English. High Bs all other classes. Shes at our house because Toxic Troll is at yet another doctors appointment.
I also noticed (because I got mad at F) that in the last 2 days/nights at Trolls she has logged over 300 text messages!!!! Probably because no room of ones own (which is why shes being so nice and pacifist because she has it so cushy at our place and she doesnt want to mess that up!)
Do I say anything?
NO I DO NOT!!!!!!!
I feel like Roger Rabbit when he hears the "shave and a haircut 2 bits" knocks.
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I did take screen caps
So if anything comes out and I am blamed for her not getting good grades, there is the proof of what assignments are missing and when...
But on the flip side, the husband is much nicer and treating me currently like gold.
Stop checking the parent
Stop checking the parent portal. You will continue to cause inner turmoil for yourself. STOP.
They cannot blame you for her grades. She is the one responsible for her assignements. She is old enough to keep up on them, herself. If she needs pushing, it's her parent who should be doing it.
Congrats on the laptop! You deserve to treat yourself.
Of course, your husband is treating you like gold, he knows what he could lose. But be careful, he also wants you involved, again, so that he doesn't have to be.
Somehow, some way
Toxic Troll and Backstabber/Munchkin will need to use me as an excuse.
Perhaps the angle will be "Clove damaged our child who was then unable to complete these assignments and therefore failed these classes that are not even needed for graduation..."
It will make me blow up, but Im keeping my trap SHUT.
It seems she had a hard time
It seems she had a hard time with assignments before and only did as good as she did because of you, so I wouldn't worry about them using you as an excuse. You know it's not true and your husband, if he keeps his head out of his ass, knows it, too. Besides, TT claims that she wants to work on her kid's education and be involved, so....
So what? Who cares what they
So what? Who cares what they think or who they blame? They are losers. Don't worry about them.
I used to look at the portal,
I used to look at the portal, I confess. But I never considered anyone would blame ME. How could you be to blame? Don't gather evidence to defend yourself. If they blame you tell them to pound sand. It's not your kid.
Blame Games
These are NOT logical intelligent people. And they look for ANY kind of way to blame anyone else for anything they can.
My main work, in addition to disengaging, is to really let go of caring what THEY think or feel about me. No one enjoys being hated, no one enjoys being vilified. It truly utterly sucks.
cLove
Good for you for taking control! Buy that laptop, enroll in those classes. Soon B/M will be in the rear view mirror.
The thing about taking little steps towards empowerment is that they snowball. Soon you'll be an unstoppable force.
You're on a good path. Little setbacks like checking the portal happen. Keep on' rollin girl!
Snowball effect
YES, so excited for my future endeavors!
Congrats on the lap top and
Congrats on the lap top and getting yourself set up!
I'll admit I can easily log 300 messages very quickly. I was just going back and forth with a friend I haven't seen in years and him and I probably just had around there. Messages add up quick.
Remember though not your problem. I also agree with hereiam that I don't think they will blame you for her grades when TT clearly stated she was taking charge. I would stop checking for your own piece of mind though.
Oh, they might want to blame
Oh, they might want to blame Clove, but they can suck it.
FOR REAL!
FOR REAL!
Neither from legal nor moral
Neither from legal nor moral stand point stepparent csn be blamed for skids grades. But what do you care if they think you are to blame?
Seriously, will you ever STOP
Seriously, will you ever STOP?
It's like you don't want peace.
STOP looking at it.
Our system allows us to see
Our system allows us to see how often and who logged in on parent portal. We had some obsessed family members who logged in up to 10 times a day. We had a kid once whose aunt logged in on it every hour during school day. We knew it was an aunt because she'd call us to inquire why grades aren't posted 15 minutes after he took a test. I am sure your school has similar system and they wonder why are you on there so much and if you use dads log in, why he logs in but never addresses her bad grades. Stop looking up her grades. I never looked up my own kids grades as much as you look up skids. It's not healthy. Let it go. Get busy. Find stuff to do
I used to look a lot, since
I used to look a lot, since it was sort of fun to watch the drama while SS was alienated (and our only way to get any info on him), but then I found out schools could tell how many times parents were logging in! lol. I hope they never checked his, they must have thought DH was one obsessed father.
I only logged in once last week
And took screen captures, so in case something happens where my name is yet again dragged through the mud, I will have them ready. Then Im sure that I will be deemed "creepy", but Im getting good at disengaging from THAT attachment as well.
Its not healthy at all
agreed.
Finding stuff to do as we speak.
She's already made big
She's already made big strides in disengaging. Disengaging is a process-it's not 70 mps to 0 overnight. It takes breaking and slowing down. All of us that disengaged did it at our own pace, in our time, with encouragement from others here...but no reason to bash her. And yes, that's what this was.
Clove, maybe do the rubber band thing- where you snap it each time you want to check. You're doing good-just keep reminding yourself what they think of you doesn't matter...this will help you disengage further. Every step you take in that direction is good.
I didn't bash her. I told her
I didn't bash her. I told her to STOP. Get over yourself.
It was harsh, quite harsh.
It was harsh, quite harsh. Just like your response to me.
I smack my own hand, sometimes
When I start going down the rabbit hole of different things to do with backstabber and toxic troll.
So far, process is progressing.
Husband - after I got my laptop - got a cheap one of his own. I set him up with the wifi and facebook, and monday will set him up with parent portal. So then its on him to look, and on him to do with the knowledge as he pleases.
I mentioned Friday that I had "looked" but that was the end of that and no arguments ensued.
Stopping
yes, its a process, like anything. Im using my tenacity and drive for my own betterment, and working with the local community college, and getting excited about it.
Husband got his own laptop. The next part of my process is to set him up with parent portal, because he always seems to fall back on the whole "I have no opportunities to parent because I dont really know whats going on..." and I used to believe this. So NOW, come Monday he will have absolutely zero excuses.
And yet I know that he will still make excuses.