Breaking new ground, but Same ole chit
So, January 2023, I decided that I would do things differently. For example, I HATE housework. I now wash dishes incessantly. Our kitchen is very small and last year we painfully redid it, but to enjoy it, it really needs to be non-cluttered. Even 2 dishes make it look cluttered, its that small.
NORMALLY Husband washes and cleans. We both kind of went by the wayside, hence my new push. So now, instead of him harrassing me about cleaning the kitchen, its ME. Well, his temper flared last night, about dishes that he wanted to wait to wash, and now Im wondering if its a lash-out fallout from a randome comment I made about SD16 PowerSulks continued truancy.
When husband mentioned it quickly "oh I have to ask her about this"...he added "well she said she went to the bathroom and the teacher marked her absent from that..." yeah SURE. And there is a fast food bag from earlier that day. That her friends bought for her. I made offhand comment "so Power Sulk ditched again, eh" and then quickly moved on to other topics like bills.
YEP. Another absence. The same class shes getting a D in. That makes 2 for semester #1, but I do not comment. Not about that, nor the $800 new iphone.
So, with my new cleaning rule in place, supposedly agreed upon by husband, I tell SD16 PS "hey so if your going to do late night noshes, youll need to clean up, before you go to bed, and wash the pans too..." This was at around 9 when she decided to make some eggs and toast. And she did, cleaned up the pan too.
But I get yelled at because Im trying to get everyone to clean. SO, I turned my"persecutor" mode to "victim" and just told him "hey, Im just trying to keep things clean. Guess its not good enough. And I never yelled at PS, I just told her to clean up after herself and not let it sit overnight."
So, no repercussions for SD PS. She keeps doing what shes doing because no repercussions. Shes "bubble wrapped" and its not even we need to prepare her for the big bad world outside, but hey, this is my house I help pay for, pay taxes on, and this is how I want things to go.
Im still p!ssed off.
Dish-gate
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I'll do a cross stitch for
I'll do a cross stitch for you 'you cook, you clean or you go hungry'
thank you kindly!
I let Husband do most cooking when power sulk is with us, but shes been with us over 2 weeks now.
Its been a battle, and Im so over it...
I have the exact place to hang it too...
Your husband DOES sound like
Your husband DOES sound like he bubble wraps SDPS. Maybe refuse to cook until everyone has done their dishes?
Say "I will be happy to resume cooking when all the dishes have been washed and dried. I've done mine, I'm just waiting for yours DH, and for SDPS's. Just so you know I won't be cooking past x:00PM so please make sure someone has done them by then."
Just a possible idea.
Dish-gate and chicken-gate
Last night (13th) I made teriaki chicken with broccoli. Husband had big steaks defrosting. When he went to knock on power sulks door "food is ready if you are hungry", she saw it was chicken and I heard her comment "what? aw man I was hungry for the steak and its chicken". Yeah. Chicken I shlepped to work to earn the money for, had cleaned, prepped, seasoned, had cooked. Just to hear you didnt really want the chicken you wanted the steak.
And I put away the clean dry dishes, and washed the dirty dishes the next day (this morning 14th) because I was just over it. Its not worth the struggle. And he gets to cook the steak and she gets to clean up after. Im just really disgusted by it all.
And its beeen raining all week, and road closures, and will continue raining until next week, so there is nowhere for me to go except the gym which is a good thing...I need to go to the gym. Take out my frustrations on the treadmill.
Dishes
Cause so many fights lol.
Where DH and I finally landed (when Bratty was living with us):. All breakfast and Bratty lunch/snack whatever dishes needed to be in dishwasher by 4 pm, so I can have a clear sink when I started dinner. Didn't care if it was Bratty or DH who did them, just clear it out by 4 pm (I was commuting to an office - so I was making no dishes during the day).
Now that it's DH and I? I've explained to him that waking up in the morning to a sinkful of yesterday's dishes makes me feel behind and anxious. He mostly now does all the dinner dishes before we head upstairs to turn in for the night.
Dish-gate is such a common war in stepland.
I have been known to not cook
I have been known to not cook dinner at all because the kitchen is a disaster due to other people, and if I cannot access the sink or main countertop, the knives and pots are still dirty, then I simply don't cook because I cannot.
Its a switch
Because Husband was always the one cleaning and washing dishes. Our kitchen is so small, that any kind of mess looks bigger. Like one dish and its a mess.
Last year, while we had COVID after christmas, Husband hired someoone to redo our kitchen - new tiles, new stove, new sink, and new flooring. I just want it to look nice and have been making a real effort to keep it clean. A few times Ive made a declaration "ok, Im making an effort to keep things cleaner and would appreciate if you were on board with that too!"
You know, non-accusatory, non-confrontational. Just real basic and taking the emotion out of things, like I have always reccomended.
So last night I cooked (its been 14 days, of me not cooking...) and made chicken with teriaki sauce. She complained because she had seen the steaks deffrosting and was really looking forward to the steak and darn its chicken. Guess who isnt cooking tonight?
And I ended up doing all the dishes - putting away and washing. And right now shes doing her standard bacon and eggs and toast. So since everything has been washed and put away, there will be no "camoflaging" her dishes with other dishes.
Just an idea
Just an idea, you could stop buying the foods that make the messes. My SD 19 was baking cookies every night and leaving bowls of half eaten cookie dough everywhere, plus baking sheets that were dirty, etc. So I stopped buying flour, sugar, and chocolate chips. I like baking too, so when i need them I kept them in my bedroom and only brought them out to bake when she wasn't there.
It was extreme, but it got the message across: "Don't leave dirty baking stuff out or you dont' get to bake at my house anymore." Now SD19 lives at BM's and never comes over because "there is nothing to do here." LOL. Yesss!!!
Cookies and chicken-gate
I had bought some chicken drumsticks that needed to be cooked, and Husband had put some nice big jiucy steaks out for defrosting.
I cooked Chciken Teriaki with broccoli and when husband went to alert power sulk that there was food ready, she complained it was chicken because she wanted steak. At 16.5 she has become very spoiled where it comes to food. Its like a hotel restaurant sometimes.
We dont do cookies or cakes or that kind of thing. We do chicken, pork, beef or fish with veggies and salad. That she has never cooked or prepared for us or herself. When she cooks for herself its bacon and eggs with toast. And she will leave the pans and spatulas and then put plates in the sink, and usually there are other plates and such, so hers are "camouflaged". Unless I actuall hear or see her do them, she will tell me she did hers...
Its really dumb I know. Just after 2 plus weeks of "dish-gate" I get irritated. I get irritated at Husband too.
It's been a while CLove. So
It's been a while CLove. So Munchkin is now Power Sulk. Aren't teenagers great?
new and not improved
Hey there!
Yeah, Munchkin went to Backstabber/Munchkin (for her dualities) and is now in powersulk mode.
I get that whole "its a teenager thing", but its also a "non parenting/lazy parenting" thing.
I quit fighting and now shove everything in the dishwasher.
If it melts, it melts. If is not supposed to go in the dishwasher, meh.
I bought high qualith knife sharpeners so if a knife gets dull from the dishwasher, sharpen it.
If it starts to degrade the non stick coating on a pan, throw it away and buy another one.
If crap stacks up and neither of us take the initiative, I throw it away. Pans, dishes, silverware, etc... It only takes a couple of times and we both start keeping things cleaner in the kitchen. Our condo kitchen is tiny. So it generally stays pretty clean. The kitchen is not usable otherwise and much of our combined nearly 100# weight loss is due to cooking and eating at home.
Getting old gives me the freedom to solve problems however I see fit. Clean it myself, throw it away, etc...
I don't let any of it bother me anymore.
We both just do it together. This evolved method results in far fewer fights.
Hopefully when we move back to our other home, the one with the massive gourmet kitchen, I will keep the cleaning effort going. It is much harder to do there since there is tons of counter space, a huge sink, etc.. for crap to to still be out of the way enough to use the kitchen. Getting rid of crap helps.
I just mentioned again
I started in with "I know when I first moved in you took care of the dishes all the time and were always cleaning, and now I am really making an effort but I need you and skid to work with me on this..."
And he repeated it back to me "we need to be a team".
And skid did the dishes last night, so the sink is nice and clean this morning = happy Clove.
Like any habit it will take a while to develope. And timid forest creatures might get their feelings hurt along the way.
Lol. Limid forest creatures.
Good one CLove.