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Failing Senior Year

capp1978's picture

So this morning as DH was loading up his car for work he allowed BD to play on his phone.  As she's playing with his phone he gets a text message from SD that reads "Please hurry up and call the school and request mom's name be removed from my account.  I failed every class this year and I don't want her to see it."  BD used to be a good student she was smart and up until she turned 16 and got into the wrong crowd she did well in school.  She only needed 1 class to graduate and she did that 1st semester.  So this semester she did NOTHING!  And now she wants us to throw her a grad party for her accomplishments?  You want us to throw you a grad party for your failing grades, not going to college and for being an alcoholic?  DH text her on prom night to ask her if she got home ok and her response was yep, sitting here by the fire drunk as shit drinking Bud Lights.  This is what you are proud of and want to throw a party for? Now please don't get me wrong I know teenagers are going to drink, I'm not naive but this girl has a legit drinking problem already.  

Comments

ESMOD's picture

If I was DH I would have responded.. Nope.. if you are big girl enough to do the crime.. you are big girl enough to take your medicine.  I'm disapointed that you decided to skate on your semester because you are smarter than that.  You probably should have thought about your mom finding out before you decided to do nothing at school."

capp1978's picture

One could only wish that DH would have done that but I have no idea what he did once he left for work.  I would not doubt that he called the school to protect his Darling little girl b/c that's what he does.  He allows this behavior.

Siemprematahari's picture

I hope he informed her mother and let her know that this behavior and him covering for her is not going to happen. For the life of me why on earth would a kid think they deserve a party with such poor grades and performance in school. Also, she will need treatment for that drinking problem she has. This can escalate to drugs and God knows what else.

capp1978's picture

I really don't know what DH did when he left for work.  I wouldn't be suprised if he called the school to protect his darling little girl.  So we did decide we are not having a party but we would just give her the cash we would have spent on a party instead.  He doesn't know I saw the text so I said to him on the phone  "So how did SD do at school this year?    I said are her grades still good since she moved out and has no one watching her or forcing her to go to school?"  He said Oh I don't know how her grades are.  I said well "I think we need to get a copy of her grades because that will depend on what we are willing to do for her.  I said if she tried at school and did good then we can give her some additional cash but if she is failing her classes b/c she just didn't try and was too busy partying then I'm not going to give her as much."  Which I do not feel like she deserves anything, I'm just avoiding an argument with DH and trying to just give SD money and be done with her.

ESMOD's picture

I would say this. "I have a great idea.  Let's give her up to 600 dollars. (assuming 6 classes).  100 for every A she got..50 for every B and 25 for every C.  Minus 25 for every D or F?  That should be a lot of money for her.  Get me the grades and I can write her the check from us:)"

hereiam's picture

I am just trying to imagine, saying to my dad (at any age), "I'm drunk as shit." Nice.

Failing every class, whether it's needed or not, just says a lot about her. And the fact that she's worried about her mom finding out but knows that her dad doesn't give a crap, well.... that says a lot about him.

capp1978's picture

As much as it sounds like he is not DH is a wonderful husband.  However he did fail as a father to her.  DH is the people pleasing person, the person who avoids conflict at every angle.  So rather than being a father to her, he made her happy, no matter what it was.  If she was doing wrong rather than correcting it he ignored it b/c it would make her upset.   I 100% feel this is wrong but in his eyes it avoids conflict.

capp1978's picture

Sorry hereiam, I know you didn't say he was a bad husband.  It was me, not wanting to "bash" my husband since I said he failed as a father.  

hereiam's picture

I didn't take it that way at all, that you were bashing him as a husband. At least you can be honest about what kind of a father he is!

capp1978's picture

Thanks hereiam.  I just feel like SD's issues stem from DH and BM not being a parents. So when I talk about her issues, it's a reflection of him and it does make me feel bad since he is a great person.  He's a great father to BD but his divorce guilt got the best of him with SD and she knows it.

lala-land's picture

Perhaps I’m missing something or misread your concerns.  But if your SD is short one class, then how is she graduating? And secondly, don’t all those failed classes affect her GPA, hence her ability to go to college?  Thirdly, why would you give a non-graduating teenager with drinking and likely drug issues grad money or a grad party?  Your DH needs to wake up and stop supporting this kind of behaviour.  This girl is playing everyone for a fool.  I assume that she close to 18 and she needs to be treated like the adult that she is and not the child that she was, and that includes the consequences of her chosen behavior. Good grief, I cannot fathom why a grad party should be in her future.

capp1978's picture

lala-land, SD is 18 and she moved out of the house on her 18th bday b/c she couldn't live under our roof one day past her 18th bday (she doesn't live with BM either, so not just us).  She only needed one class in order to graduate.  SD was very smart and a decent kid until she turned 16, we bought her a brand new car.  She became the "cool" kid and got into the wrong crowd.  Her A's and B's turned to C's and D's her junior year.  Even though she got C's and D's she still passed.  Since she did so well her freshman and sophmore year she only needed 1 course to graduate.  She took that course earlier in the year and she passed the class.  Now she doesn't go to school, doesn't do anything but party.  She has no one looking over her to make sure she goes to school.  SD definitely 100% has a drinking problem but DH won't admit it.  BM is a Recovering Alcoholic and so it runs in the family.  I can not fathom why a party would be in her honor either.  She wants a party b/c she knows she will get money.  DH can't see her issues so he thinks it's a huge accomplishment to graduate.

queensway's picture

Capp I was invited to a graduation party for a neighbor's son. We went and we gave a gift of money to him. It was a lovely party. About a month later a different neighbor asked if we went to this party, I answered yes. Her response to me was well you know he never passed his classes to graduate. I was shocked and pissed at the same time. I get what you are saying about giving this girl a big party.

capp1978's picture

Queensway, I don't blame you for being pissed.  I woudl be too. 

I already told DH there is no way in hell I am inviting any of our friends and family to celebrate her graduation.  My SD is VERY nasty toward me and most of my family.   She's told me I'm a bitch, she hates me, she wishes we were divorced etc.  I have only seen her twice since she moved out 6 months ago and I'm ok with that.  So if I have only seen her twice imagine how many times my family has seen her.  By inviting my family that's greedy and grabbing for a gift.