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Chapter 10:  Can Bratty Live With Us?

caninelover's picture

Shortly after Bratty McBratFace returned to college, she called SO and they had a long conversation.  SO told me about it afterwards.  Bratty had described an ambitious plan to become a doctor.

It would be important to note that up to this point Bratty had expressed zero interest in medicine or science in general.   Her major at college was Gender Studies – not exactly hard-core STEM.  In high school Bratty had not taken much math and science.  When Bratty was a freshman SO encouraged Bratty to try some science courses but she seemed uninterested.  Nonetheless, Bratty now insisted she wanted to be a doctor and specifically an OB-GYN to help women like herself with undiagnosed endometriosis (?!?!).  I should note here that Bratty was doing very well academically, and since she came in with some AP credits was actually on track to graduate with her BA is 3 years instead of the typical 4 years.

Bratty’s major obstacle was her lack of pre-requisites for med school.  Therefore Bratty’s proposal to SO was to apply to some programs (called post-bacs) that were geared toward completing all med school pre-requisites in a year.  Since Bratty was finishing her BA is three years she asked if SO would pay for this program as her fourth year, and he agreed.  This part actually made sense to me and I was supportive (though it was SO’s own money so it also didn’t matter to me either way).

Now I didn’t want to be a wet blanket but I asked SO if he thought Bratty was up to the challenge of plunging into a year of only math and science courses.  He said he wasn’t sure because she had failed Algebra II in high school (repeated it in summer school) but that was also after the separation and the fighting with her BM.  But he thought she was past that and could do well.  So the plan was set in motion and Bratty began applying to various programs.

Now for the bad news.  Bratty wasn’t sure she would be accepted to any of the programs she was looking at and had asked SO during their phone call if she could live with us after she graduated.  SO had told her yes.  I was stunned for a minute and then flipped out.  I mean, I became a full-on spitting, stuttering, lunatic.  If we were in a public place there is no question I would have been hauled away in a straightjacket.

I was upset that SO made that decision unilaterally without even consulting me.  He looked confused and hadn’t thought it was a big deal.  Dumb @ss – how is it not a big deal to invite another adult to live with us?  I was fuming for days.

After I calmed down we sat to talk. He said he had thought about it and he was sorry – he realizes we should have spoken about it first.  Then he asks if I would really be opposed.  I said there is no way in hell I can live with his crazy adult child.  Well, I didn’t use those exact words but that was the gist of it.

He was saddened and thought we had made progress towards the end of summer.  I said it didn’t matter how well we all got along or not.  I am a private person and I want agency over my home.  I don’t want adult roommates and prefer my privacy and he damn well knew that.  He said he understood and he would address it with Bratty.

In reality it turned out to be a non-issue as Bratty did get accepted to a program that was not far from her current school, so her plan was to remain near college for the summer in between.  Win – Win – Bratty had her future in hand, and I didn’t have to deal with her the next summer.  And the biggest win of all – SO was now crystal clear that adult Bratty was not welcome to live with us after graduating.

With Bratty graduating, and making ambitious future plans, I was hopeful that the drama would subside and we would finally see some maturity develop.  Guess again…in our next Chapter, Bratty returns for a weekend visit as part of a school project and manages to stir up even more drama.


JRI's picture

Please tell us Bratty is not a real doctor now!

caninelover's picture

Short answer is no - and we'll see what happens LOL

tog redux's picture

No way Bratty gets through that post-bac program. Those are grueling.  All the hardest courses packed in together.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Or will I be? Somehow DR. BrattyMcBrat a pioneer in finding a cure for endometriosis does not ring a bell.  Heck but what do I know. Maybe pigs fly?

Cannot wait for the next chapter. Dang this is a good read.

caninelover's picture

I don't think you will be shocked at how it turns out Smile

advice.only2's picture

Lol how you didn't go scorched earth on your SO when he said she could live with you, you must have some really good self control.
I had a dream the other night that DH allowed Spawn to move back with us and he gave her BD's room and told BD she would have to sleep on the couch. I woke up so angry and shaking from that dream I was surprised DH couldn't feel the disturbance in the force as I lay there glaring holes into his back thinking you are so lucky that was a dream pal.

caninelover's picture

I was pissed but not worried - I own the house so no way it was happening anyway!!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Bratty: "I want to be a neurosurgeon!"

OP: "Didn't you fail remedial science?"

Bratty: "Triggered!" 

caninelover's picture

Pretty much like that.  She thinks her good grades in Gender Studies make her doctor material, LOL.  

tog redux's picture

This literally happened to DH:

SS at 16: I'm going to college for engineering.

DH: Didn't you fail math?

SS: *doesn't speak to DH for a year*

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yeah, telling kids they can be anything they want to be is giving them unrealistic expectations. Like a kid who's in 12th grade, 5'4, has never played on a basketball team whose only plan for the future is to be in the NBA. I've seen that too.

tog redux's picture

When he finally spoke to DH again at 18, he was going to be a professional gamer. Went to community college for a year and then dropped out. Now he's 21 and wants to go into Nanotechnology at BM's college, which is a very good school.  We still don't know if he even passed any classes at Community College.  He barely graduated from high school.

Failure to Launch is all about the unrealistic expectations.

advice.only2's picture

Spawn used to tell us she was going to be a criminal lawyer or work in law enforcement for victims of abuse (because Meth Mouth was allegedly raped and abused). DH would tell her "well you need to have good grades for that." Spawn was a solid D/F student. She would get so mad at him and tell him he was the problem of why people can't succeed in date Spawn works part time jobs and has an OF pretty far off from her grandios plans of being a lawyer or a special victims unit cop.

caninelover's picture

Part of the condition is grandiosity and a need for admiration.  I think that is what really drove Bratty to want to be a doctor all of a sudden.  She thought it sounded important and would be impressive to other people.  She had never once before indicated an interest in medicine.

Yes good parenting should help children set realistic goals adn the self-discipline to acheive them - not set them up for certain failure with magical thinking.

CLove's picture

Are "deep into Psychology", and will study together (gag!).

FF used to tell people she was "going to college to become a psychologust". Yeah. Sure. It sounded good to the relatives!

SD14 Munchkin thinks that she wants to be a biologist. Shes not doing so well in biology and math. Because you have to do your assignments and dont get the handholding you normally do in "regular school". 

Oh, well, Im sure that the future is still out there, somewhere!

caninelover's picture

FF and TT studying psychology - lord help anyone they tried to 'treat'.

Munchkin is still young.  She'll probably change her mind several times.

JRI's picture

Back in the day, SD told me her two career choices, she couldnt decide:  veterinarian or astrologist.  Lol.

Actually, I thought she would have been a good social worker.  She loves trouble and drama and likes to see herself as helping people.  Actual career: cosmetology.

GrudgingSM's picture

I really wish we had more stories like this on this site! These blogs have made me go looking for books about step families. Especially ones that don't romanticize this crap. We need more stories like this!

caninelover's picture

There need to be more resources that aren't about making a happy blended brady bunch family! 

Thanks for reading Smile

IDontCare3117's picture

This reminds me of a poster who used to be on here whose SD wanted to be a brane sirjin.  I'll give you the same advice I gave her: buy Bratty the game "Operation" and see how well she does.  

caninelover's picture

Bratty would probably master it and then think she is ready for real Brain Surgery!

Wilhelm's picture

Stepkids here had very unrealistic ideas about their abilities. I am a teacher. I could see skid struggled to read, was keen to learn but when I gave them books as presents the word came back from BM that 'books' were not really presents.

Anyway during high school years our contact was reduced to the barest minimum by BM's manipulation.

I was surprised when skid said she was going to take chemistry. She could barely read. Skid wanted to be a nurse.

It worked out in the end. A few weeks into term chemistry was dropped. Skid now has a job helping disabled adults so she found something in the same field but at her level.

JRI's picture

SD always "guided" my gift selections for her kids.  Whatever.  But I wanted them to also have books which were never on her list.  However, I was concerned that she would return them.  She wants what she wants.  Solution:  I inscribed each in ink, "Merry Christmas, GC, from Grandpa and Grandma".  Lol.

caninelover's picture

Yep - ultimately I think Bratty will find something else more at her level.  She doesn't have the aptitude for math and science, nor the focus to work hard enough to overcome the lack of aptitude.

AlmostGone83's picture

Ah yes, the unrealistic goals of skids.... let us not forget Little Idiot's plans:

1. Plan A - get into the Coast Guard Academy and become a high-ranking career officer. She wasn't accepted.

2. Plan B - enlist in the regular Coast Guard and work her way up. She washed out of boot camp after 2 days.

3. Plan C - Become a forensic scientist/medical examiner/ idk what but something that sounds "smart" and can impress the family at a prestigious university. We shall see, but given that she struggles with middle school math, I doubt this is going to pan out either. 


caninelover's picture

I really think we should put together a timeline to see if Bratty and LI were ever spotted in the same place at the same time.  I think they might be the same person.

Harry's picture

Not Bratty.  !!    DH does not talk to you. He does not respect you.  He to busy playing Disney Dad. To Bratty.  
He think you love Bratty,  that he in a relationship with BM. 
Good that you had the The Talk with DH.   Now it's you or Bratty.   Stop spending your money on Bratty unrealistic plans 

caninelover's picture

It was always clear her school costs were SO's responsibility, not mine.  We both are well paid and have enough left after our joint expenses for him to spend/waste on Bratty from his own income.