ABOSLUTELY FUMING THIS MORNING..... SO LIED ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT
So SO has gone to see our lawyer regarding CS. Not to long ago he took a different job. He had been giving BM #1 $1000 and BM #2 $500 a month for skids. Well last month (thank god) our attorney had the Child Support Division redo our support. He makes $12.50/hr. So it went from $1000 to 600 for BM #1 and to $200 to BM #2. Both of which who refuse to work and rely soley on him to take care of them and of course their current hubbys (BM #1 not married but been with him for 4 years BM #2 married) each BM lies to the state regarding skids. Each mom milks the state in food stamps etc. BM #1 gets over $800 month... ok so here is my point. I am so livid that I couldn't even sleep last night. I ask SO so have you gave BM #1 her CS this week and did you do what you were suppose to and reduce it? Yes he says.. I sure did. I said was their backlash? Nope he says. Well while making dinner I noticed the deposit slip.... he LIED. He hasn't reduced shit. He is still giving her the $1000. I guess I am most pist because those kids will be here this weekend and for the ENTIRE summer. There will be no back and forth. Full on three months of being in our home. SS11 eats everything under the sun and in fact we have to ask him to stop eating at dinner so EVERYONE else makes sure and gets a plate THEN ten minutes after we eat he is in the kitchen again looking for another full meal.
I have been searching for months on a second job simply because with my $10 an hour and his 12.50 an hour we are barely afloat. Our fridge is minimal (I have my son as well) We usually can afford to do three good meals in one week. The rest of the week it's slim pickings. I figured I had better get a second job just to have some security for food and what ever else pops up over the summer. We will have 4 kids in our home on that income. I am FREAKING OUT. So he forks out $1000 STILL to BM #1 then that means he will have about $600 to contribute to OUR family.. rent utilities, gas, FOOD etc. After seeing that he has been lying to me I have come to the conclussion of WHY am I looking for a second fucking job? I am not working 7 days a week to support EVERYONE. I am so fuming this morning.
I have no idea how to approach him on this subject because as always he hangs his head down and gives me the look of I know I know I will...... how many times do I have to hear that shit? If this is the route he is going to take then his ass needs to find a second job. And quick. I'm so angry today!!!!!!!
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You know you're with a
You know you're with a liar.
Control what you can: YOU.
You can either decide to stay with him KNOWING he's a liar, or you can leave.
Do you get CS for your child?
The money problems aside, the
The money problems aside, the lie is the big issue, IMO.
I agree with you on that.
I disagree. She has "kids"
I disagree.
She has "kids" (multiple) and her ex doesn't pay any CS.
If they can only afford 3 decent meals a week, I'd argue that her kids need the support.
Op and her SO both have very low paying jobs and 4 kids to support.
Her ex should be required to contribute to his own kids, too.
THIS The ex not paying CS
THIS
The ex not paying CS does matter.
It's kinda odd to expect a parent to give his kids less so that he can give his SKs more, when their dad isn't giving anything.
There's no excuse for lying about how much CS he paid.
Not to sound like my ex is
Not to sound like my ex is great but he does give. He pays ALL medical and dental bills. He will even give my son cash when it's my weeks so my son has extra money. He pays for all sports clothing, and all sports fee's through out the year. He buys clothing through out the year. The only thing he does not do is buy school clothes and put food in my home.
i'm not asking SO to take care of my son. I'm asking him to step up and take care of SKIDS when they come (financially) and that can't be done if he continues doing what he is doing. :jawdrop:
I actually did report her.
I actually did report her. Nothing was done. I reported what he gives, I reported where her current live in works. All of it. And nothing changed.
I would definitely not let it
I would definitely not let it sit and stew. Ask him about it directly, but be calm about it. You never know. It may take another month before the new amounts are officially set. Perhaps this was the last month of him having to pay that much while the state gets their shi..er...stuff in order. I know, at least in my state, CS Agency is usually great at dragging their feet and getting a whole bunch of nothing done. Try and be calm, and just hang in there.
If he is lying and it hasn't changed....show him the empty frying pan before whopping him in the head with it.
My ex gives me no support.
My ex gives me no support. What we have agreed on through out the years is sufficient for my kids needs. My kids also don't have every new gadget (SO kids have phones, ipods gaming systems etc) My kids have phones but that's about it. It's minimal on my end. But it has to be I can't afford anything else. My son is mowing lawns all summer to help pay for a camp he is attending this summer.
Oh mercy I am so furious today. Sick to my stomach. I can't support 4 kids......!!!!!!
If you can only afford 3
If you can only afford 3 decent meals A WEEK, then I'd gently suggest that your ex isn't contributing sufficiently for your kid's needs. If you have multiple children full time and receive no CS, then perhaps you should revisit that. YOUR CHILDREN deserve it.
It honestly broke my heart to read that you only have a few decent meals a week.
Soounds like you haven't
Soounds like you haven't disengaged. The first summer we lived together DH all of sudden (had never done it before) wanted SD to come for the whole summer. I enrolled her into camp and tried to treat her like my own. She showed her ass. So I backed off. I leave all of the SD crap to DH and BM. I really don't even ask anything about her anymore and she comes to my home almost every weekend and certainly every holiday. I don't even ask about drop off and pick up. This in itself is ridiculous. Let's just say BM does nothing and DH thinks he's being some big dude doing everything. I had to stop worrying about THEM and worry about MINE. Life is so much nicer now that I don't give a crap.
You need to let your DH take care of his own crap. He would not have lied about the child support if he knew you didn't have his back. You are the fall back guy.
Oh yeah SD no longer comes for the whole summer when DH realized he was going to have to take off time for work to keep her because I wasn't going to do it and she doesn't get along well with other kids in order to go camp. Now that he knows that he's responsible the crap stopped.
How does someone that makes
How does someone that makes $12.50 an hour pay $1500 a month in CS to two women? That is not even a legal amount that can be imposed on the payor. This guy is working for CS, how can he contribute to anything? Insanity.
My ex husband contributes to
My ex husband contributes to everything but food in my home. Our agreement on our papers is joint custody no support. We split everything equally. My ex has stepped up to the plate where I am not able to many times regarding hospital bills. I am to pay half of them all. He has paid full for almost all of the medical/dental bills. I am just now at a job that offers insurance for me and also pays for my kids insurance as well. That is why my pay is so low. I work for a doctors office that pays for your entire family to have insurance BUT refuses to give raises. Sucks yes... and I have been searching for months for a job with better pay but right now in this tiny area we work there is nothing. And if there is there are over 200 people applying. Don't get me wrong I apply anyway because I need more. But when I think about it the medical being free for my kids is a huge bonus. Last year when the state went after my ex with a CSO he was at my doorstep with every single medical/dental bill. He told me he would take me to court for all the back bills IF I went for CS. I just feel like my hands are tied. I don't have it
I know I sound like one of those BM's who don't contribute but I do. I buy ALL school clothes for kids. I do half the school bills etc. I pay for their phones. I just hate to shake the tree when we both have agree'd that this is working for us (besides my issue now because of lack of money)
And yes three good meals a week. It sucks. But I'm doing my best. I'm trying so hard. I don't qualify for anything from the state because I make TOO much. And that's fine. I guess I just feel rocking to boat for my ex and my's situation kinda sucks because my current SO can't support us due to the CS he is paying and a few other things he has to pay monthly (fed taxes and state taxes).
I am not opposed to working a second job. I got an offer last week for one. I turned it down. I am kicking myself now. BUT if I work 7 days a week that takes from time from my son and my daughter. I would be gone nights. I don't want to be gone nights. I don't know what to do.
Thank you everyone for your responses. The lie is infact what I am trying to address. How to approach without coming off as I don't want him to support his own kids. Or sounding controlling about his money etc.
I am most appreciative to any ideas you all have.
you are right. Thank you
you are right. Thank you
Agree. I would not be so
Agree. I would not be so concerned with his perception of ME when I'm working my butt off and he dares to lie to me.
Wether her kids get CS or
Wether her kids get CS or not, is really irrelevant if her DH can only contribute 600USD a month to THEIR bills. Her DH could not live off 600USD a month anywhere, except under a bridge. Period. And he is lying.
Should she contribute more because of her kids, yes...especially if she doesn't get CS, it's not up to her DH to support THOSE kids. But, the fact is that he would be living in a shack if he only had 600USD a month for his own expenses. She should NOT have to pay for his expenses and then, also pay for his kids to eat/visit at their home.
PS - I had some of these issues with my DH at the begining...especially when he would give his ex more money and then had peanuts for OUR home. This was even before our son was born. I nicely sat down one day and figured out all the expenses for the home. I then figured out how much he was contributing to OUR home. It was ALSO peanuts. With that, I asked him "exactly where could you live for 400USD a month and eat and have money for gas and pay a car and clothing washed, etc...?" He was dumbfounded. Needless to say, I told him, "so here is the deal, if that is ALL you can bring home, then that is fine...be happy and thrilled that for that amount of money you have a roof over your head, HOWEVER, that means that EVERY SINGLE PENNY that you want to spend seeing your kid is really coming out of MY pocket, thus no more eating out when she is here, no extra money for anything and I say I have no money to buy extra food, the you can't have her at my house...because I won't go hungry because you want to see her, she eats up everything and you give her mother extra...not my problem." He was not happy, but it made him realize that I was NOT being a witch...he was truly taking advantage of me. Thankfully, that helped ALOT...he only really had one other option, "to get the f#$%$#5ck out, and have his daughter visit him under a bridge.
Have you gone to any local
Have you gone to any local foodbanks? You can often get some extra food from them during the summer when you have more kids around. Most of them you don't have to qualify like you do with State help. Look around and see what you can find, any extra food during the summer would help you.
Thank you. I normally don't
Thank you. I normally don't make a habit about defending my ex. But whew I was today. That is a first for me LOL. Although I'd never admit it. LMAO
I think that I would take all
I think that I would take all of the household expenses for a month divide them into how many people are in the household and figure out how much each ADULT should be paying. For instance if he has 2 children he should be contributing for 3 people to the household expenses. If she has 2 she should be contributing enough for 3 people.
Groceries are debatable in this because I personally would make sure that my children had groceries and if someone needed to get another job for his kids groceries he could go for it. If I didn't have enough for my kids than that is another story.
Each parent should be paying for their childrens medical, dental, sports, camp, etc. IMO, these should never be combined.
I would talk to him and let him know that I know exactly what he paid and my children will NOT suffer because he wants to support BM. From now on I would divide all expenses and let him pay her what he wants but not at my kids expense.
Four years ago he worked for
Four years ago he worked for a different company. He has since had to take another job. That was the reason for us going to our attorney. That is why it was lowered. His income decreased.
i think the who and what of
i think the who and what of child support is irrelvant. Even if OP and DH home was fine and not just scraping by it would still be irrelevant. The main point is that DH lied to OP.
Point blank, bold face, lied!!!!!!!
I would take that slip of paper you found and when all is quiet in the house, i would hand him the paper and say, "i found this. I thought you told me that you had the amount reduced? Please tell me you did not betray the trust in our relationship and lied to me about this?"
Thank you. That was really my
Thank you. That was really my issue. Being lied to once again about dealings with BM. The sneaky bullshit that goes along with BM and SD17.
And even when he was working
And even when he was working the other job he wasn't left with much left over. But that was because he picked up all the bills after their divorce. She up and left. For fear of collections etc he just consumed every bill they ever had. (his issue I know) but because of all the credit cards etc he was making payments to get things taken care of as well as the CS. After all was said and done when he was working the other job he was bringing home about $500. There are lots of finances he is trying to get paid. When she left he took out his 401k from his job so he could atleast try to pay off as much as he could and get a car (she took the car) doing this (he didn't realize or didn't ask enough questions I don't know I wasn't there) that put him in a higher tax bracket for the following year. Which was the year we met. Because of the higher tax bracket he now owes State and Federal taxes over 10,000. The state we live in didn't mess around. They came right after him. Garnishing his wages as well as federal garnished too.
Sadly child support isn't his only obligation to pay. Like I said we have to be able to live and get things paid to. I am not expecting him to NOT take care of his kids. But I am expecting him to put forth effort in the house he now resides in. That is all.
DH just had to do a 3 year
DH just had to do a 3 year review of his CS early this year, and the guy who crunched the numbers told him that his income and BM's income (which she had no income at the time) was based on what they are CAPABLE of making. And since BM was fired from her last job, that is the income that should go on the papers for her, even though she didn't currently work. Apparently whoever did the CS in the first place didn't know that. So this guy looked up what the current salary is for the career she HAD, and that's the number that went down for her. Because that's what she is capable of making. So DH's CS actually went down $100 a month. So basically this guy told DH that it doesn't matter what your current pay is... If it is lower than what you were making before, you still pay the same amount of CS... Because they say you made the salary before so you should be able to get another job with roughly the same salary. The CS only changes if your pay is higher than before. I guess this rule is so people can't just leave a high paying job and purposely get a low paying job so they don't have to pay a high amount in CS. Don't know if this applies in every state, but maybe your DH didn't get it lowered afterall??? Did you actually see the paperwork?!
My DH didn't leave a job to
My DH didn't leave a job to reduce any CS. He is not that kind of man. He has always paid in full and overpaid his ex for his kids. He never runs from any responsibility regarding his children. He left his previous position because they mislead him on job requirements and what kind of time he would be putting into the position. He was working from around 4:30am till sometimes 8pm at night. And he was working weekends. Basically he was working when ever his phone rang which was all the time. So when the kids would come like last summer for instance. He was getting maybe an hour at night with them then he was off to bed because he was up so early. And on the weekends we would have plans etc or he would and work would call and he would have to drop everything. He felt that he wasn't getting any quality time with them while they were in his care. His youngest being 3 years old. He didn't purposely take anything lower paying. Not all men are looped into the bracket of deadbeat asshole non paying parents. I actually am with one who OVER pays. Hence our issue right now. If he was running from CS he still wouldn't be paying her the full amount from before.
He did get it lowered. I was there with him when we did the over the phone court ruling.
I never assumed he left to
I never assumed he left to purposely reduce the pay or that he was a deadbeat asshole or that he was 'running' from CS. I never once said any of that. You either misread my post or took it the wrong way. I was just simply giving an example as to why here, the courts won't lower CS when someone gets a lower paying job because 'some' people out there might think of that as any easy way out. I wasn't saying it was your SO. The fact that he paid that huge amount again is what made me think that maybe it didn't get lowered in the first place... Hence why I wrote my story and shared with you what the CS rule is here for lowering or not lowering CS. But if you heard him do it, then great.
Thank you. And sorry.
Thank you. And sorry.
There are consequences for
There are consequences for bad behavior and you have to be the one to give it out. Stop pooling your money. Do you really want your money going towards BM or covering for him because he sends it all to her??
No way would I contribute after this.