Don't. It's wasted jealousy. You can drive to  different parts of your area and view lots of homes out of your price range. Do you spend your days all upset because those families live in those homes and you don't? If so, why stop there. Go ahead and compare vehicles and price of your clothes to it all too.  

Anyway, it doesn't matter how much money BM's new DH makes. His income has nothing to do with CS in Texas. Nothing. Doesn't matter if BM needs CS or not... your DH has a legal obligation to his two children to assist in supporting them. 

Texas is a flat percentage of the NCP's income. 25% for his two kids. Your income doesn't figure in just like BM's DH's doesn't.

It is what it is. Be excited for the new home you and DH are purchasing and about to make a home together.

**Edit of spelling

I am curious why if DH is a teacher and his ex makes much more than she does (does she not work longer hours?) that she has primary custody?

BM here recently got an large increase for my SS19, yes, you read that right - NINETEEN.

The way I deal with it is just to remind myself that she's only doing what the law allows her to do.  Work on being happy with your life and the rest will fall into place. Many of these BM's are just spiteful and generally miserable. Don't let her make you miserable. 

How do I not care? How do I not care that she's essentially just getting this house because she knows we can't?

Focus on yourself, your life, and that of your H & family. Remain grateful for what you do have and know that this house that shes getting is just that.....a house. You probably have the one thing that she can't have again and that's your H.....so keep your head up high and smile knowing what you have with your H.

Yep, it's just a house. Just a thing. It doesn't mean she's happy in it.

I am still working on this. So I am getting to practice what I preach. DH and his ex, Toxic Troll have been separated for more than 6 years. He has had to pay her alimony for 4, and we are on the last year of it (11 more months!). Its not breaking our budget, and its much less that others I have read about, but still! Thats over 3k going out the door annually. Thank God this is the last 11 months.

And I hate child support. Toxic Troll doesnt need money (right now), she gets monthly income from workmans comp, charges for her extra room, and has cashed out her teachers retirement. So, she basically sits home on her A$$ collecting alimony and child support and workmans comp. Dollars she has not worked for are flying from our household to hers. She is basically glorified child sitter, and child is getting older and more independant. Do you think she does anything extra now that she isnt working all day? Heck no.

If she was a struggling single mother, I would have some sympathy, but she cheated on DH, left the kids for him to raise and now is using kid to get more money. AND has head of household status for tax returns.

So, every now and then I allow yself a few moments to get angry. And then refocus on to the positives. Together, Dh and I make really good money. We both work at really great jobs. We are building a  future and are getting ready to buy our house. I refocus on the future we are building together.

You will have your house, you hubby and happiness! Focus on that.

I want to give you a big hug because I can only imagine how painfully frustrated you must be and what kind of feelings of resentment you must be tying to push away !

Firstly, envy is purposeless. At the end of the day, it will only keep you away from authentic joy and keep you tethered to misery. We’ve got to learn to be satisfied with our portion in life and stop comparing it to someone else’s portion. Especially when it comes to a home that may look nice on the outside and have outstanding structural potential but you have no idea what goes on inside. I imagine a woman that selfish and braggadocious will sew plenty of marital problems and have many of actions that decrease the love and warmth in a home. For all you know, she’s simply pain giftwrapped as preference in her new husband’s life and that home and marriage is the beginning of the downfall of his assets. 

Make daily reminders to take inventory of your own blessings and all the things about your life that make it golden ! Don’t let jealousy rob you or make you blind to your own treasures.

How do you know that she's just getting this house because she knows you can't? That kind of thinking won't get you anywhere, you are poisoning yourself by allowing yourself to think that way.

I'm really sorry your husband's CS just increased that dramatically, I can understand the resentment & frustration you must be feeling.  Like tog said, however, she's only done what the law has allowed her to do. Is it fair?  Not at all, and I empathize completely with how devastating that must be for your family.

You need to find a way to remove the toxic thoughts from your mind though, you're making it harder on yourself than it needs to be by focusing on everything that she has that you don't.  Asides from the CS, nothing else she has is any of your business or concern. 

She can buy as large a house as she wants.  She's free to own whatever car she pleases, take whatever holidays she desires, etc etc. You've got no control over how much money she & her husband earn, so giving it any thought or attention is only going to be destructive to YOU.

Find a way to let it go.  BM doesn't deserve to take the amount of room in your mind that she does.

hubby worked his arse off, his ex contributed nothing to his career, she tried to sabotage his life, his future and was just hostile and tortured him emotionally the 16 years they were married. Hubby couldn’t rise up the corporate ranks because of her. After divorce he rose within months

while they were married she had to show how superior and upperclass she was compared to everyone including her family. 5 star resort holiday and 1st class airfares even for local 1 hour flights. Even before the divorce and during she was cheating on hubby and stole money out of private savings accts that legally she couldn’t touch and then she cheated on hubby with her high school sweetheart who she married the week after divorce was finalised... 

she rubbed it into hubbys family, coworkers and friends how in demand she was that she could score a man, that no one wanted my husband who was old etc. It was petty jealousy because she’s a narcissist, she knows she’s old, useless, pathetic, poor, uneducated but she needs to feed into her ego...

6.5 yrs after the divorce hubby marries me and she was livid, actually laughing how she reckoned our marriage wouldn’t survive, she cared so much she had spies of coworkers of hubby report to her about us on developments like new kids etc... 

reality is karma hit her... she’s old, in her mid 40s, tubes tied and unable to have more kids, useless etc. Her exhusband has married a younger woman and despite the various stepcrap issues we regularly deal with, we have a committed relationship and marriage and happy with our kids together. She is bitter and pathetic and living the high life despite being divorced to hubby and no longer having access to his money and it seems that money has disappeared while hubby is more successful than her. 

We worry about our home and ourselves, like others said here there will always be rich people, wasting money, shopping sprees and rubbing it in peoples face. Me and hubby don’t do this, we live well below our means still. I’ve always enjoyed living a relative simple life, relaxing in my comfortable home etc. If others wanna waste money and rub it in peoples faces then so be it. Sd23 & sd14 waste money too to give the image they are loaded as (well bio mum needs to tell them they have to compete with me since i’m from overseas and caucasian) but I couldn’t care less. Any meets i am happy to be my normal casual self. 

It takes a lot of soul searching to be comfortable and accept you for who you are. At times some of hubbies nieces come all glammed up like they’re royalty rich but they’re nothing, just simple people and family roll their eyes...

just like ex’s trying to dictate things in your own home, just zone them out, don’t worry about them. Worry about yourself and your life

if the ex is living beyond her means and watsing that money on unimportantly things instead of savings for college etc, thats on her. When their kids have nothing for college, they can thank her for that!!

my husbands exwife still thinks she has claim to his estate, retirement and savings. These are all after the divorce when he rose up the corporate ranks and his salary increased tremendously and she uses skids to guilt hubby into forking out a never ending supply of money indefinitely. They’re just leeches..

Can your huddy afford to spend more time with his kids? 

As far as I know that is one way to reduce the CS.

But of course, it will mean that you will have to deal with skids too. Not sure which state you are in, I believe in CA with a 50/50 custody no one pays for CS.

I think you're attributing too much to her due to your jealousy. I understand being jealous and wanting something someone else has regardless of what it is. 

But I'm sort of on the opposite side of this, I am SM and DH has primary custody. BM pays child support. We are at slight financial advantage as BM's husband is not gainfully employed and he has to pay CS for a prior child plus they had their own child.  Yet, when buying our house our focus was never on her or if we'd have a better house. We did get a house that arguably has more space than we currently need but we fell in love with the house and location. 

Try to focus more on your home instead of BM's life and motivations. As conjecturing will only make you more upset. 

I totally get it- it is frustrating! Especially when you are making roughly the same income and then a giant chunk of his is gone.  And you do end up spending more of your money on household items and expenses, or having to go without (if you really dig your heals in).

it does add insult to injury when they have a bigger or nicer home, nicer vehicle, more vacations or whatever..... but you have to keep in mind it does not mean that she is happy. There is nothing you can do to change the circumstances and you have to make due with what you have.  I wouldn’t suggest either of you get a second job or work more.... because it will just mean even more goes out the door, or you will be resentful for having to work more- it is just better to try to enjoy the small things, build a happy home and focus on building your love.

It’s a house. Try to look at them as u would any other couple that’s irrelevant to your life. Don’t make it a competition in your mind. Be glad that the ex wife is married and hopefully happily so because there could be worse problems than what house she is living in...

Do you really think she only bought her house because she knows you can't buy it? I'm asking because that is some crazy-ass thinking. What if she doesn't think about you at all?

I doubt you really think she bought her house because of you. But if you two are competing, she'd love, just LOVE knowing she's getting to you. Don't give her that chance.

If it's your dream house, maybe it's her dream house too and that's why she bought it. Or maybe she's sitting in her big house thinking how jealous she is of her sister, who has a bigger house. And I'd bet anything she's jealous of you for something you have, even if you don't realize it.

You can have what she has. If you want a house like hers, marry a wealthier man. Get a job that pays more. That's what she did. You can have that house -- you just have to make different choices to get it. So don't think of it as something you can't have -- think of it as something you choose not to have because you want other things -- like her ex!

Ugh I know its hard to see someone have nice things that you are pretty much footing the bill for but TRY to just worry about your own family and the house you will be getting! I know its easier said than done. I try to keep BM and whatever she is doing out of sight, out of mind. I don't want to see it or hear about it. I stay to myself.