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SS8 Sick

JanRebecca's picture

SS8 woke up at 6am sick on his stomach and throwing up.This kid is always sick with runny nose, stuffiness etc. ALWAYS has a cold. This time it's stomach and throwing up. BS and I will not be leaving this bedroom until he leaves and I can disinfect the house.

The point of this post though is about his Mom. DH sent a text to her saying that SS is sick and throwing up, crying, asking for his Mom. This was two hours ago and she still hasn't responded.What kind of Mom does that? If I got a text saying BS was sick and asking for me, I would be there asap. Just how I am. When kids are sick they want home and their mommy. Does she even care? 

JanRebecca's picture

And my DH Is taking care of him just fine - I just don't understand as a 'mother' how she can just ignore it.

lorlors's picture

She probably thinks the kid is at its dad's place and it is her weekend off so he can deal with it. I don't blame her for not rushing over for what sounds like a stomach bug.

momjeans's picture

It doesn’t sound like it, no. 

I remember skid coming down with a stomach bug, hours into a visitation. She was extremely visibly upset and cried for her mom. DH sent BM a text informing her of this. BM reponded that it was his visitation and for him to “deal with it”.

Basically, it was standard apathetic BM behavior. 

The times that I got sick as a child (heck, as an adult even), there’s was nothing I wanted more than my mom. It’s a real thing. 

ETA: Their court order specifically stated that if the child was sick, or became sick, that she had to stay, or go back to the primary home. Obviously, in the case, BM’s. 


Disneyfan's picture

It's possible mom hasn't seen the message yet.  Not everyone has their phones glued to them 24/7.

If she did receive the message and rushed right over, wouldn't that be implying that dad isn't capable of taking care of his child?

thinkthrice's picture

a GUBM IS glued to her phone ready to speed dial bioDAD at a momenr's notice with the next bit of toxic hate

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I deal with a ton of BM drama but come on. I'm sorry but we read on here constantly about how a BM is always bugging DH and SM wishes she'd get a life. Now BM hasnt answered a message in two hours and she's a horrible parent who doesnt care about her kid. Talk about a no win situation.

I'd like to know why BM has to come get the kid. He has two parents. Dad is just as capable for caring for him. You cant get mad at BM for expecting your DH to drop everything at her beck and call. Then expect her to drop everything at yours.

This just sounds like SM wants the kid gone so she doesnt have to deal with it.

ndc's picture

Awww, so sorry for your SS.  It's no fun to be sick.

If your DH texted her at 6-something in the morning, and she hadn't responded 2 hours later, I would assume she's asleep.  She may sleep in on her kid-free weekend.  I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb from 10 pm until 7 am, so I'd never even hear that a text came in during that period.  Unless she has a history of not responding or not caring, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.  

My SO's kids are the same way - when they are sick, they want Mom.  The last time the oldest one was sick and throwing up, she looked at SO and said "You're doing a great job taking care of me, Daddy, but I really want Mommy."  She's a total people pleaser, that one.  I hope he feels better soon and doesn't infect the rest of the household.

notarelative's picture

BS and I will not be leaving this bedroom until he leaves and I can disinfect the house.

Too late. You are already exposed (most likely). He was probably contagious before he actually showed symptoms. Keeping SS and BS apart now is a good idea, on the off chance BS has not acquired the illness. But, thinking keeping them apart now will prevent transmission is magical thinking. When things like this move through the school age population your under school age children are at risk of exposure any time they leave the house.


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I wouldn’t expect BM to come running if one of the kids is sick because guess who’s there to take care of the child…. Their father. Yep. Kids get sick and it’s just a fact of life. Daddy has to handle it too, that’s what being a parent is about. I get that you have a small child and your fine to keep yourself and her in your bedroom away from it but you can’t expect him to drop his responsibilities as a parent to the one child.

We’ve made it a point of doing our share of taking care of the kids and yes that has meant loading a sick child into the car with trash bags. Even knowing one was still finishing up with the flu didn’t stop us because the child could be transported and there for SO needed to be a parent during his parenting time. BM isn’t expected to be the only parent to care of a sick child.

Also consider this. If the kid’s always sick with maybe he has crap immunity? If your visitation is anything like ours then the kid has been with you since Friday. There’s a good chance whatever he has came from your home. You may have a better immunity and already come in contact with the same possible stomach bug.

As for her not even calling. She knows she’ll be picking the child up soon enough and after all he’s always sick so really there’s nothing to be concerned about. Would you prefer she call and give your partner a hell?

lieutenant_dad's picture

So what if he is asking for BM? Dad is there. He can learn to comfort, and SS needs to learn other comfort techniques when he is sick that isn't just "Mom".

In intact families, kids generally get the benefit of Mom being there. However, when parents are no longer together, kids don't get that benefit. If it hurts your DH to see his kid crying out for Mom, that is his burden to carry as he chose the mother for his child and, for whatever reason, together they couldn't/didn't/shouldn't make their family work.

Maybe I am heartless, but I grew up with my parents working rotating 12 and 24 hour shifts. If we got sick when Mom was at work but Dad was off, well...we got Dad. We might have Dad until bedtime if Mom got a late run. It just is what it is. It sucked, but I can't say I am damaged from it.

Feel free to hate BM and get mad at her for the litany of crap she puts you all through. However, this particular issue isn't on BM, and she shouldn't be tarred and featheres for not interrupting DH's time just because her kid wants comfort. Dad can handle, and SS will pull through.

oneoffour's picture

OK so the little boy wants his mother. Is there some reason DH cannot take care of his child? Why aerw mothers the only ones expected to ply nurse?

I know this doesn't really matter in OPs world because she is concerned only with her child. However however much the little boy wants his mother he has his father there who can take care of him. In the future he will find out the world is not liimited to Mom Power only. His father can do just as good a job.