Money for skids
DH pays his child support as it comes out of his check. He also lives in another state from his kids. He pays another $1000 per month to visit them. That leaves him with 500 dollars a week to live on. He makes over 100k. All I did was ask him if he could find a cheaper flight or cheaper hotel and he flips out! I could NEVER spend what he does on his kids! I wouldn't be able to feed myself. Meanwhile his ex goes to Hawaii, Colorado, Florida, North Carolina... All with his money! I end up supporting him. When he lost his job a few years ago, I had to continue to pay his child support. The court reduced his amount, but took 50% of his unemployment. That left us with less than our cobra health insurance payment. He's court ordered to pay for skids health insurance. He keeps telling me there's nothing he can do "it's court ordered". I'm so SICK of this excuse!!!
He told me he had to think about getting me a birthday present, and decided to get me one, because he decided that I "deserved" it. WOW!!! I guess it really doesn't matter because I'm really paying for it anyway!
I didn't even say anything about his child support!
"I end up supporting him.
"I end up supporting him. When he lost his job a few years ago, I had to continue to pay his child support."
And if you werent married to him, what would he have done then?
Its not your responsibility to pay his debt.
If this was me, I would seriously go live else where while he continues to support his exwife and children as he clearly has no issue taking your money if he cant pay his responsibilities.
People treat us how we let them.
I would be losing respect for him in droves.
Move out and just date....if he can afford to that is lol.
Ohh...and another
Ohh...and another observation.....
"He pays another $1000 per month to visit them."
While you have to make up the short fall???
Stop making up the short fall then and only pay what you use which only continues to support his routine of going on holidays to "see his kids".
Are you sure he is only seeing his kids?
I didn't read it like the CS
I didn't read it like the CS is $1000 a month - she says on top of CS (amt not stated) he pays ANOTHER $1000 a month to go visit the kids.
He pays a total of 3000 per
He pays a total of 3000 per month in actual support, then pays 70% of all medical expenses. His ex pays nothing for travel. He pays everything. At one point, we asked for the kids in the summer so they could learn to swim. She told friend of the court she couldn't afford to lose her support- even though she is re married and has a job of her own!
I have thought about the separate accounts for a long time, but I just don't think it's right as a married couple... I may re consider!
Oh grrrrr! This one makes me
Oh grrrrr! This one makes me mad! Do not pay his CS or for any of his skid crap. He needs a second job delivering pizza! The financials on these skids is the responsibility of bio mom and bio dad.
Stop playing ATM. If he
Stop playing ATM.
If he didn't have someone to pick up his slack, he would stop visiting his kids once a month or find cheaper flights and hotels.
****
****
******
******
How much longer do you have
How much longer do you have until they turn 18? For about 15 years, we paid CS of $1200/mo plus health insurance and 60% of what health insurance did not cover. We watched BM travel all over the world while we scrimped for a lame family vacation. I supported my DH by working hard (he worked hard, too) with the understanding we were a couple and it would be over some day. Well, that day is now!
Our CS ended in May of last year. I recently used that money to hire a nanny for my 2 kids to make life easier for ME! Because of the CS, it was not an option for me to work part-time or certainly not stay at home, so I built my career. We are both attorneys and owners in a successful law practice. Now, we no longer pay CS and our income is higher than ever. Most importantly, my DH knows that I stood by him all those years, and our relationship is better than ever. WE hardly see the SKs, who live 2 hours away. I hung onto the belief all those years that things would be better someday, and the finally ARE. Every relationship is different, but mine is an example that, if you love you DH and see yourself as a couple, you really can persevere through CS and come out happier for it. 
Hang in there!!
Thanks so much!!! We really
Thanks so much!!! We really do love each other. We are both professionals as well. His ex is NOT. I know part of me is jealous, and part is that he really does need to try and cut a little more. I REALLY appreciate your advice. I will be reading and re reading this one..
How much longer do you have
How much longer do you have until they turn 18? For about 15 years, we paid CS of $1200/mo plus health insurance and 60% of what health insurance did not cover. We watched BM travel all over the world while we scrimped for a lame family vacation. I supported my DH by working hard (he worked hard, too) with the understanding we were a couple and it would be over some day. Well, that day is now!
Our CS ended in May of last year. I recently used that money to hire a nanny for my 2 kids to make life easier for ME! Because of the CS, it was not an option for me to work part-time or certainly not stay at home, so I built my career. We are both attorneys and owners in a successful law practice. Now, we no longer pay CS and our income is higher than ever. Most importantly, my DH knows that I stood by him all those years, and our relationship is better than ever. WE hardly see the SKs, who live 2 hours away. I hung onto the belief all those years that things would be better someday, and they finally ARE. Every relationship is different, but mine is an example that, if you love your DH and see yourself as a couple, you really can persevere through CS and come out happier for it. 
Hang in there!!
He moved. We are from MI and
He moved. We are from MI and he was out of work for a year. He got a job offer in SC. His ex actually moved the kids twice without his okay. She didn't go too far, but did pull the kids out of a "better" school district. Now we have the kids all summer. I still work in MI too, but I go back and forth.
Thats what makes me think
Thats what makes me think theres more to it than visiting the kids...who else is he visiting and what does he do with his time? Does the OP come with as well? Or he goes on his own...for how long? Shit I would love this arrangment to give my self a $1000 holiday every month on my own to do what I like...PARRRTTTAAAYYY.
I don't want to veer this off
I don't want to veer this off topic, but why do so many advocate shared financials in a marriage? (particularly in a skid situation)
keep everything separate, then there is no issue.
keep everything separate,
keep everything separate, then there is no issue
Especially in situations like this.
The money he spends while leaving you to pick up his slack, is ridiculous and selfish of him.
He told me he had to think about getting me a birthday present
And I would think long and hard about separate finances. Stop allowing him to take advantage of you. That is not what marriage is about.
He flips out when you ask him to try to be more frugal with his trips?
Of course he loves his kids, but if he cannot afford to see them every month without depending on you financially, then he has to do something different. If he is not willing to do something different, than YOU have to.