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BuggingOut92's picture

I have an 11 year old step child i'll call V who has been dealing with anxiety and depression for over a year. Their mother, L, took them to a gp who immediately prescribed medication. I offered to help L find a good psychiatrist and counselor that worked with the child's insurance since I have a 13 year old son dealing with many of the same issues and was sent straight to a psychologist. L would never take V to a psychiatrist after working with me to find one. L then asked me to look for a counselor for V and I gladly did but again L did not take V to the counselor. And quickly we realized that only after about a month and a half  that The mother was not monitoring Vs medication. L would not watch V take their meds. When V would come over for visits I would count their medication and there were never any pills missing. I brought this up to L several times and was given so many excuses. V even told me they were not taking there meds right. That they often forgot to. At this time my husband was over seas in the navy. WELL fast forward to a month ago my husband's home and L calls us and tells us she is taking V to a psychiatric hospital because she is depressed again. MY husband went with her with the intention of being able to tell the doctor L was not properly giving V their medication and had never taken them to a therapist but L would not allow him to talk to the doctor one on one. V was admitted for a week then released with a post medical plan that involved a psychiatrist and counselor. It has now been 3 weeks since her hospitalization and L has not even called the psychiatrist to set up post therapy. My husband believes he has no rights to his child because he did not meet them until they were 5. We have just found out the mother never filed the custody paperwork. I have talked to him countless times about needing to talk to L about Vs medical needs and the importance of a psychiatrist and counselor. I am at a complete loss for what i have no control over. I have 0 rights. I have spoken to both parents I am close to the bio mom L. I love this child and I'm watching them not be given every opportunity to be in a better place with all the help they can get. And I am very scared the same exact thing will happen. L will stop making sure meds are taken and V will end up back in the hospital. 

Comments

CastleJJ's picture

You cannot care more than this child's bioparents. This is rule #1. If their father won't step up to secure any sort of custody and continues to act like his hands are tied and their mother will not seek medical treatment, then there isn't much you can do. 

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This is your new mantra. Trust me, I know, it is incredibly hard to not get involved, but if there isn't anything you can do, it's not worth your sanity. 

BuggingOut92's picture

I will definitely need to write that out. I just struggle with not trying to help so much. I know its completely out of my hands. I have a hard time sitting back because there is now some pretty serious self harm stuff happening and sitting back and watching that not being taken care of almost feels impossible. But on the upside it looks like it's all being taken care of because they were hospitalized. But thank you I will definitely been writing that quote out daily. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

My own child suffers from anxiety and depression.  It's been a year and three months since she started therapy with a pyschologist and she was also assigned a pyschiatrist and is on prozac and some other things.  She sees her therapist every Friday.  The difference in a year with treatment is amazing and at least for my daughter it has been life changing for her.  She is making great grades again and has friends and a social life and isn't sleeping all the time.  

I often blog about my SD 19.  She was bakeracted in highschool.  I too thought she should be on medication and in therapy and her parents didn't proceed with any treatment plan.  She spiraled even more out of control and is now a stripper and a porn star.  Could they have prevented all this?  I don't know but they didn't even try.  The poster above is right.  It hurts very much to care so much and to watch the parents do nothing but it isn't our place legally or morally.  All we can do is suggest to their parents that therapy helps.    

tog redux's picture

Sooner or later the doctors will call CPS on your stepchild's mother for not following up with psychiatric care.  Especially if he/she is suicidal.  ( FYI - around here we use SD=stepdaughter, SS=stepson, BM=bio mother - you could use SK if you are trying to the kid's gender secret)

BuggingOut92's picture

Thank you for the info. I'm just very happy I found a place I can go to with other parents beating with similar issues.

BuggingOut92's picture

My son has been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor for over a year for the same diagnosis as my Step child. And has made so many leaps and bounds with his councelors and is actually doing so well. So seeing what could have been if I had not done everything in my power to help him. It's so hard to see a bio parent just not care. My husband is so different with our children. He is so concerned with them but he has been in their lives much longer so he struggles a lot with his relationship with my step child 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

You can call CPS, now that SS has required hospitalization, lack of follow up care does meet the standard for medical neglect.

A child can't be forced to take medication, but should be under a psychiatrists and counselors care.

IDontCare3117's picture

"My husband believes he has no rights to his child because he did not meet them until they were 5."

Did your husband legally adopt the child?

justmakingthebest's picture

I am assuming he didn't know about the child until BM got money hungry and went for CS. 

BuggingOut92's picture

My sk was conceived in highschool an Bm family hated my husband. They thougt he corrupted their princess however she was 10 times worse than him.  Bm used a lot of manipulation tactics to get him to sign over rights when he was 16, he had zero support from his own family. Turns out BM had him sign bogus papers that were not legal to make him think he gave up his rights. When me and my husband got married and adopted our children BM decided she wanted him back on Sks life. She had child support written up quickly after and had custody paperwork written up that she never filed with the court. BM just kept them unsigned. So BH is currently looking at lawyers to make everything 100% legal custody wise.

justmakingthebest's picture

Why haven't you gotten an attorney? That is just stupid on your husband's part. 

Who cares about speaking to the doctor alone- Call BM out in front of the doctor! "Dr. Jones, BM does not monitor his medication. He as told us about stopping and starting and missing and catching up- it is a mess!" - WHy would he not make sure that everyone in that hospital knows why SS is having these issues!

BuggingOut92's picture

My husband is currently looking at family lawyers. He is also petrified that if he does anything to go against BM that she is going to make it hell to see SK. Also sk will easily do everything her BM says. Sk used to be so scared of showing anyone but her BM any affection because they were scared of upsetting their her. 

justmakingthebest's picture

She probably will make it hell. 

There is a status quo for visitation and if there was something that should have been filed- that means there is some sort of agreement signed, correct? Going against that will be bad for her in court. 

Based on SS being hospitalized, I would call CPS.