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“Secrets” think this could bite DH in the @as...thoughts???

NewStepmom79's picture

I remember something similar posted but can't find it now. 

SS13 takes Meds for ADHD. DH is into the holistic approach and hates SS13 being on conventional medicine. DH has tried to talk to SS13 Psychiatrist and social worker but both will not let DH stop/ decrease SS13 medication. BM wants SS medicated and she has legal custody so the drs side with her. Here is the issue...

DH has told SS13 how he hates SS13 on medication. So for the last 3 months when SS is over SS flushes his medication down the toilet when DH gives it to him. DH knows SS does this. I told DH if BM finds out about this DH will be in trouble with the court. DH says since he Physically gives SS the medication there is nothing anyone can say if SS makes the choice to throw it away. SS also been telling DH he's been throwing his meds out at BM. Now I highly doubt this as BM is to smart and SS to dumb to get away with it. I think SS is just telling DH this as SS knows this is what DH wants to hear. 


Aunt Agatha's picture

Look, I'm all for the more natural approach as well.  But medication is a useful tool.

By doing what your DH is doing, he is teaching his child to be sneaky and lie.  This will come back to bite him one way or another.

RPS67's picture

Or up your DH's butt. Whichever works. I have several kids with ADHD and DH has it too. Meds HELP these folks. I'm all for the holistic approach but ignoring science will bite DH in the @ss if BM finds out. I'd be livid if my kids' dad did that! 

Crspyew's picture

Starting & stopping them have impacts on their effectiveness and SS's overall health.  Your husband is teaching his son to lie to his other parent.  I get not wanting to medicate BUT I highly doubt the doctors are "siding" with BM.  Generally there needs to be testing and assessments to determine if medication is appropriate.  Usage is followed closely and generally evaluated on a routine basis.

His excuse is bs by the way.  He gives the medication but HAS NO CONTROL what happens past that point?  How does he think that will play out in court?  And on your last post on this topic I said pretty much the same thing.  I doubt SS is throwing the Meds away at BMs.  
your husband is teaching his son to lie and alienating the other parent.  This is so wrong.  I really am bothered by this win at any cost approach. Not hard to see why BM has physical custody.

thinker's picture

Starting and stopping certain ADHD medication has major negative health consequences (anecdotally, it caused insomnia and extremely dry and chapped lips in the situation I observed).  Plus, your DH is teaching his child that that he and his child are more qualified to diagnose and treat ADHD than the doctor who went to years of school, residency and now has gained years of medical training (sound narcissistic at all to you)?  And, your DH is putting his child in a loyalty bind between his mom and dad, which is totally unfair to his child, who needs a consistent message on things as important as mental illness and controlled substances.  Uggh.... 

tog redux's picture

Medication works for ADHD and it's been extensively used for many years, and thoroughly tested. Your DH's Internet knowledge should not substitute for that of the doctor, who spent 12 years getting their education, not to mention their years of experience in the field. 

Your DH is teaching your SS to be a manipulative liar, and he thinks it's great because he's getting back at BM in this passive-aggressive manner. Also, he's setting him up to fail in life with his untreated ADHD raging. The Natural Approach won't work with ADHD, just as it doesn't work with most significant health issues.  I can see why the court gave BM sole custody.  

Also, this is a form of Parental Alienation.  I'd leave this guy so fast his head would spin. 

tog redux's picture

If he thinks it's not the way to go, he should go to court and fight for medical decision- making instead of helping his kid lie to his mother. Not to mention essentially telling his son that his mother is stupid and can't make good decisions.

My brother is an anti-vax, herbal medicine person, and in my experience, you can't tell them anything - they believe they know more than the most experienced medical professionals. But what he's doing is harmful to his child. 

justmakingthebest's picture

He has got to stop this. He is messing up SS's system by starting and stopping #1. DH isn't a doctor #2, I have a son with ADD, those meds make a huge difference in his life. Last but maybe most important- Your DH is teaching a teenager how to lie to a parent. Does he REALLY not see an issue with that?? Does he not think that it will be turned around and he will be the one lied to?? 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Yes the withdrawals won’t do his system any good. It won’t do him any good either if he can’t do his school work - He could be very successful in life with the help of medication... sometimes we have to pick the lesser of two evils. 

Sometimes if a person reads the science behind the type of ‘neurodiversity’, and recommended medications it can make them feel a bit better. 


mommadukes2015's picture

This is highly unsafe and irresponsible of your DH to condone. Agree or disagree with the medication this is a dangerous game to play. Sad

Harry's picture

Holistic approach, does not mean doing nothing.  What your DH is doing,   SS has ADHA what means  he is sick.  You don't do nothing for a sick person..  

He has to do something to help SS.  DH is a real bad parent 

lieutenant_dad's picture

So what holistic approach is your DH doing with SS? Is he taking SS to therapy or participating in his therapy? Setting up schedules and charts in the home so SS doesn't get sidetracked without a reminder of what to do? Teaching SS any activities to help him calm and focus? Setting a routine, including bed time, dinner time, showering, exercise, etc?

As mentioned above, holistic doesn't mean do nothing. Holistic doesn't even mean that you go against medicine. Practicing holistic health means addressing all factors of health using the most natural remedies first. Need to lose weight? Try diet and exercise before escalating to gastric bypass. Need help with seasonal depression? Try special lighting, meditation, and more exercise before resorting to pills. It's adding peppermint extract to your tea to help with nausea versus downing a bottle of Pepto.

If all your DH is doing is depriving SS of his meds and NOT doing anything else to help SS manage his ADHD symtpoms, then your DH is participating in medical neglect of a minor. YES, it could bite him in the arse, especially if SS gets hurt or harms himself. It could cause a legal headache if BM were to take him back to court. Even if she didn't win, your DH would still be dealing with lawyers, court dates, hearings, depositions, etc.

If he doesn't agree with SS's treatment plan, then he needs to suggest an alternative plan that addresses SS's issues and put it through mediation or the courts. If he isn't willing to do that, then he needs to follow the CO, which means following the medical advice that BM has saught and approved. Teaching SS to blantantly disregard medicine is woefully irresponsible. Sure, teach him to educate himself and ask questions and seek second opinions - that's being a good patient. But teaching him to just toss his pills because he "doesn't want to"? He's teaching SS to be a liar to his mom AND causing him to mistrust healthcare providers, which can cause long-lasting problems in the future.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

and hates modern medicene.  It also almost killed younger SD who had undiagnosed type 1 diabetes for a long time.  She kept getting spinal adjustments by a chiropractor instead of going to a real doctor and she almost died. 

My oldest sd has ADHD.  She made D's and F's and was almost held back every single year.  She couldn't take any fun electives.  She would cry into her pillow for making 1's on the standardized tests here in Florida.  BM gave her something called focus pills from the health store called Seabuddies for like 10 years.  They did nothing.  Doctors fought with her and fought with her and fought with her and half way in her junior year she was finally allowed by BM to take regular ADHD medicene.  She went from being an all D and F student to an all A student and just graduated with her AA degree and is in her bachelor degree program and still making straight A's.  It was life changing for her.  All I am saying is he needs to keep an open mind.    She also doesn't take them on the weekends and during breaks as they reduce her appetite.  She is on the thin side.  However her doctor did say this was ok  

Jojo4124's picture

I'd call cs on him. She has the decision making power. He is medically abusing his son n showing him that professionals who have ss on meds are wrong. 

If BM agreed to tx the kid naturally it would be different. DH is undermining the health care plan. What if ss develops depression etc n dad says he doesn't have to take his dx seriously or meds.

He could lose custody. If I was BM and knew about this I would seek that n get it. What dh is doing is potentially hurting the child due to partial meds. Does DH have ti deal with the behaviors that caused ss to be on meds in the first place? School and life with BM could be messed uo, fir which the medical ppl will say ss meds are not working and up the doses.

Seriously,  he needs to pit down his pride and accept he doesn't have legal right to make these decisions. 

Honestly, maybe you should tell BM because this could lead to serious issues for ss. 

still learning's picture

He's throwing the meds out at BM's house too.  I highly doubt that the court would find DH at fault for this.  

still learning's picture

Neither DH or BM can force SS to take a medication that he doesn't want to. SS has the right to refuse. Flushing meds down the toilet is bad for the environment and our water system.  Any unused drugs should be properly disposed of. There are kitty litter and coffee ground methods for safe disposal.  BM is obviously oblivious to the situation but DH knows so he should help his son make responsible decisions.  

Rags's picture

Your DH is an idiot.  


What if your SS was a T-1 diabetic?  Would your idiot DH with the holistic approach to treating medical conditions not force SS to inject insulin, and watch him turn into a sugar cube and rot away?

Somd people have no business breeding.