Who said I wanted your opinion?? VENT
I'm posting this as a BM about my DD12, towards DH. What I would love to say out loud.
Background,
DD has speech issues. I was the only person who could understand her until 1/2 way through 1st grade. And even then most people couldn't.
She has extreme anxiety
She has multiple extreme learning disabilities.
I have fought for her to get the services she needs and deserves since 3 yrs old.
Had to get to the point where I hired an attorney to threaten the school district.
Fast Forward. DD gets tested, services start.
Progress but slow.
Times passes we are now in 4th grade. Anxiety and focus are HUGE issues. Have stopped her learning.
Appointments back and forth. Therapists, school PHD, school nurse and her pedi doc.
We come with soda. It actually has proven benefits with ADD and Anxiety. Less side effects then medication. Let's see how it goes. Coffee in the morning get added.
Results are almost immediate. She can focus, she has less anxiety. It is her medication without medication. It works. Not 100%. But the difference is HUGE!!
Two weeks ago DH comes to me. He had looked up young girls drinking soda. Tells me all the studies he found on negative side effects. I try to explain WHY. He brings up caffeine pills, tells me straight out " care about your daughter enough to look into alternatives. Read the studies, talk to her Doc, change it"
Hmmm how about no one asked you??!?!?!?! How about when you had the chance to be apart of all this, your only concern was your exSGD?!?! How about no one asked you?? How fucking dare you??!?!! I told him I've talked with all parties involved. There has been improvement. Not looking to mess with that right now. Sooooo he bringing it up to marriage counselor. Who told him to let it go. She sees all my valid points.
Does he?!?! Of course NOT!!!! I need to follow his advice, OR I don't care about my daughter and don't respect him!!!! How about seriously just fuck off!!!! You are not and HAVE NEVER cared enough to attend one meeting, you have nothing to do with her school, her disabilities, her counseling, NOTHING!!!!
2 yrs ago, her speech therapist, her special Ed teacher, her doc, the school RN and PHD and all all got together and found something that helps without medication. He was invited to those meetings. He didn't go. I never asked for his opinion 2 weeks ago, I don't want it. Is what we came up with perfect??!?! No. Better the medication, in my opinion. But it has helped, ALOT.
WT actual FUCK?!?!?! I know, I'm pissed off at his push to do what he wants. His push of his view. His words that I don't care about my daughter and making this an issue.
Where the hell was he when I was stressing over speech, therapy, school issues, what kind of future she would have, where to go, what to do?? Ohhhh some was before we met. But after?!? He wanted nothing to do with it because what about his exSGD?!?! He couldn't devote time then, he gets no opinion now.
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Take a breath, go for a
Take a breath, go for a walk/run, punch a pillow then breath.
He fucked up until now, he ignored your daughter and her needs until now. But give him a break, he finally expressed his care and concern for you daughter, unfortunately using words that attacked you, but the place he was coming from was because he cares about her and the potential risks of the soda. Now his concerns may not be justified and the relative risks of soda may be far less than the risks of the medication but it is a start that he is thinking about her and considering her treatment even going so far as to do some research. Even if he is misguided for now at least he is starting to pay some attention.
Ultimately he fucked up by accusing you of not caring for your daughters health, but you also fucked up by dismissing out of hand the opinion of your husband. When you've calmed down, TALK to him. Tell him that his words were hurtful when you have done everything in your power to get the best help and treatment for your daughter but that if he has an opinion he would be open to discussing in a rational manner then you would be happy to have that conversation.
Listen to him and acknowledge what he has found out and the work that he put into finding it out. And then have a conversation about why you believe that your chosen course of action for you daughter is working. Open yourself up to seeing if there is any veracity in what he is saying, maybe there is, maybe there isn't, maybe neither one of you has the evidence to know either way.
You never know, maybe this is the start of him helping to ease your burden and take a more active role in your daughters life. Give him a chance to do that, rather than shutting him down immediately.
In a normal situation sure,
In a normal situation sure, but in OP's situation not so much. You should go back and read some of her old stuff. Her H does not know how to have a normal relationship with a kid or in regards to a kid. He's all about divide and destroy. Create rifts and be the savior. He's already tried to drive a wedge between OP and her DD. if you go back and read old posts you'll see he's actually a creepy, screwed up guy when it comes to add as well as his SGD. OP giving him the benefit of the doubt would most likely not be in her child's best interest.
If that is the case then I
If that is the case then I hope the OP is working on an exit plan, that can't be the healthy for her or her kid to be in that environment. Doesn't sound like therapy is going to cure much.
Step dad. Who had NOTHING to
Step dad. Who had NOTHING to do with any of this!!! Who had his totally messed up EXSGD living here and did NOTHING!!!!! To help her but medicate.
I have done EVERYTHING for DD. her own BIo has had NOTHING to do with any of it. Even when we were married. I now have full legal so he still doesn't.
Dear Biomomof2 My boy has
Dear Biomomof2
My boy has asperger and was in speech therapy for years. He only spoke single word until he was 6/7 that when he started putting a sentence together.There was time he wouldn't look at me when he talked to me. Now he wouldn't shut up and ppl couldn't tell he had speech delay. Anyway one thing I found out about kids is that everyone is different, speech delay or not. They are all different. I did try caffein, non red/ yellow dye diet, whole wheat, whole grain diet...etc...on my boy but nothing worked. Only fish oil works for my boy so tell your husband to shut up. You're doing great. Take a deep breath and everything will be ok.
A.
I use fish oil for my 13 yr
I use fish oil for my 13 yr old too. I was adamant that he not be medicated so his neuro psychologist recommended 1 gram of fish oil a day which is about 2 table spoons full. He's also in a very structured martial arts program 3-4 days a week to help with anxiety and self esteem issues. We've dealt with ADHD, speech difficulties and a "global learning delay" which in the old days was called retardation. I feel for you. It sounds like your DH is trying to ride in on the white horse and fix it all with his great knowledge and expertise. If this were my DH I would lovingly thank him for his thoughtful input then distract him with sex.
Anyhoo,
HUGS! Your daughter is lucky to have such a loving warrior momma.
I've known a few people to
I've known a few people to use caffeine instead of adhd meds. How does he not see that is a much safer alternative?
I think he was saying that
I think he was saying that caffeine taken in a tablet form might have fewer side effects than taking caffeine in the form of soda rather than not taking caffeine at all.
Ahh gotcha. I still think
Ahh gotcha. I still think soda is much safer than taking meds.
Biomomof2 your story always
Biomomof2 your story always makes me sad.
You willfully stay with someone who not only disrespects you when it comes to money and choices but also tried to create a rift between your children.
He dotes on your BD, talks to her about your marriage, looks for underwear to buy her, treats your son like crap, and you stay. He knows at this point you will not leave him, so why stew over the things he does. Just accept it, you will not make any changes and he knows that he doesn't have to.
I put myself in a really
I put myself in a really stupid position. My Aspergers OCD son is homeschooled. I let go my flexible job to help DH with his exSGD. I know I messed up. I've looked into everything. Have a court date to move my kids. I do now have a place to stay if this gets bad. I'm doing everything I can to make this environment ok for my kids until we can get out. But it does take time.
She has an exit plan in
She has an exit plan in place. It will take her a but of time to get everything in order. I believe she said she plans to leave the end of the year or early next year.
This guy is toxic. What he is doing will destroy the relationship the OP has with her kids as well as the sibling relationship.
Early next year. Without to
Early next year. Without to much personal information my family is in another state. Trail date to move my kids out of state is late this year. Looking at leaving after school ends for kids sake. Family will help until I'm on my feet.
I remember this dude and I
I remember this dude and I was worried about what was going to happen. He's a mental case. I really HATE you're still there. Really hate that. Ugh.
I took caffeine pills. I now
I took caffeine pills. I now have Bells Palsy. This means that only half of the muscles of my face work. I am 40 and look like a stroke victim (have for 10 f*cking years). Next time he suggests caffeine pills, please message me and I will send him a picture. At my age, it doesn't bother me as much as it would have if I'd been younger.
I am sorry you are dealing with this kind of BS. I hope he sees the light soon. Prayers and love.