It's been a few months since my last blog post, so let me bring you up to speed. Since January/February, SD11 has been asking if she can move in the us; she is very unhappy at her mothers. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody with a CO. In late May/early June, BM began dating someone. SD11 liked him at first, but she says "he's worn out his welcome" Apparently he is ALWAYS spending the night (and they are ALL in the same room!! BM, SD11, BM's daughter 3yr, and BF; they live with BM's father in a 2bdrm apt). SD11 has seen "things" when BM thinks she's asleep (TRAUMATIZING!!) and is just "done with my mom" as she states it. SD11 finally got up the nerve and told BM in March that she wanted to move with us. At first BM thought it was our idea, but after talking with us and SD, she realized it wasn't. She claimed she was "open" to the idea if SD really wanted to; we agreed to get done with the school year and talk over the summer. Well, we are just beginning with the "talk" and she is really hesitating. We don't want this to turn into a HUGE fight because it won't solve anything. Any idea on how to approach this without seeming like we are attacking BM and her parenting abilities? There are SOOO many reasons SD would be better off with us, but how do we explain that without seeming like we are "attacking" her?? She gets VERY defensive over everything...