SD wants to live with us, FULL Time!

So, it's been a very long time since I have been on here. Mainly because we now have a court order, and for a while, things were running smoothly. Don't get me wrong, we still have our issues here and there, but I am now able to keep the peace. Yes, I said ME! I have somehow become the mediator between my husband and BM. In fact, two weeks ago BM was calling me yelling about DH, DH was beeping in to yell about BM; it gets exhausting. However, she actually will listen to me over DH, so I am dealing with it. Now, onto the topic of the moment. My SD is almost 11, and over the past several months she has periodically complained about BM and expresses the desire to live with me and DH full time (we have 50/50 custody now). BM is living with her father, with a total of 5 people in a 2 bdrm apartment. BM has not worked in almost 4 years, does not have her own vehicle, and lives off of child support and welfare (she has a 2 1/2 yr old, different dad). SD11 is tired of the empty promises from BM (i.e. "I'm gonna get a job and we're gonna move") and claims that she ALWAYS has to babysit her younger sister. SD11 said, and I quote "I can't even be a kid!". Recently, BM wanted SD11 to watch her younger sister so she could run an errand before SD11 went to school. SD11 said that she didn't want to because she wanted to take her bus to school. BM flipped out on her, calling her an "f**king ignorant child" and "selfish". SD11 was so upset that when she got to school her teacher sent her to guidance. Apparently BM was called and apologized to her. This was the last straw for SD11. She came to me and her father and said "Dad, I'm done with her, I want to live here". This is not the only time she came to us about this. SD11 has complained for months, and now we think we should really do something about it. Problem is, we have a court order, and mom will NOT willingly hand her over. We also just got done with court, and can't really afford to go back. Any suggestions?

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I think that if BM is that

I think that if BM is that dependant on her for babysitting and if she's getting that child support check as well that you are going to have a big fight on your hands. Not sure if it varies by state, but I know in my state and 11 year old can not choose where they want to live. If you have a CO you will have to continue following that or lawyer up and get something different in the works.

It's just very frustrating.

It's just very frustrating. BM has no clue how SD feels because SD is afraid to tell her out of fear of BM's reaction. SD also said "I wish I could go back in time and tell the court that I want to live with my dad" During our custody battle, the court did ask SD where she wanted to be. She said she wanted to see both of her parents. A part of me feels like SD needs to tell BM how she feels so maybe BM will wake up and realize what she does to her daughter. I have no clue at this point how to handle it...

We had the same issue but by

We had the same issue but by the time we were told I want to live with you she was 15 AND her mom gave it up without a fight. Your SD deserves to be a kid, but I agree that she needs to tell BM about it (we told SD15 she had to do that before we would move forward to change custody).
Maybe she can tell her in front of someone who she knows will protect her (guidance counselor at school)?

She has asked her father and

She has asked her father and I to be there, which I am not sure how well that will go over. My concern is that she is honest with BM and BM knows that SD is the one that feels this way; it's not my husband and I putting "stuff" in her head. We figured that we would wait and see how the rest of the school year goes, because if she does live with us, she will have to switch schools. Also, I want my SD to be 100% certain before we face WWIII. I am just curious if anyone has faced this before...