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bookgirl's picture

I find it interesting & very admirable that so many blended families went into their marriages ready to treat SKs as a package deal with DH. I feel like maybe I didn't get the mother gene. Don't get me wrong, I slid into the role as mom for BS1 very easily & gladly. I've loved every minute of parenting him & can proudly & confidently say that I am a good mom. Why is it so much harder to do this for SKs? It started when I first moved in with DH. It seemed like BM had tried to make friends with me, but I haven't seen her keep any friends. When SIL tried to help her, she walked all over her. I refused to be in that position & she lost interest fast when I refused to be her babysitter.
We used to have the SKs all the time, but that was back when I was willing to get up, get BD ready for school, make them every meal, clean up after them & entertain them while DH lazed around the house napping & sleeping late.
That was when I put my foot down. I won't watch them ever. I have a job & a son who needs me. I have caught a lot of crap for this. BM is a famously bad parent & my in-laws actually expected me to pressure DH to take BM to court & try to get full custody. I can't even imagine how hard & expensive & stressful that would be.
Furthermore, SKs demand gifts & rewards constantly. I won't got on any family vacations with them until they respect me & have some manners. I know this will cause in-law outrage in the future because I have every intention of taking BS1 with me anywhere & everywhere I can. I feel strongly about travel being a part of a good education. But if it's my trip, I won't be made miserable by their constant treatment. I'm sad for them that it's just the backwards way they're being brought up (BM has never even been on a plane), but I agree with Crayon when she said "we're never going to be one big happy family".
So, ladies who have done it, you have my admiration.

Comments

Manda's picture

I'm TRYING to do it but I'm not sure I can! I don't have my own kids but I feel the same way you do. His kids don't give me any respect and don't follow any of our rules that we've put into place. However, I did the upperhand today because I went through the house and threw away their things that they left laying around. I even reminded them before they left for their mom's house they needed to go through the entire house and pick up their belongings... They both said they did but soon they will see they didn't when they're looking for the things they didn't pick up. Hopefully they'll pick up their stuff next time...if not...oh well for them.

2SteppinInCali's picture

I told future Dh that I was going to start doing that but don't have the nerve. I told Skids too! I can't stand that they don't appreciate and take care of their things. They never know where their DS's and IPODS are. Persoanlly, I think they shouldn't have that kind of stuff if they can't take care of it but future DH (former Disneyland dad) has spoiled them. He is reforming and I do beleive he is on board with the "pick it up, put it way or lose it" plan.

Let me know if it works for you!

Amazed's picture

I am full of love for my BS7 but when it comes to snowshyte...it's like I have nothing left to give her after all the drama. UNLESS BM is dead or completely out of the picture and you've had the stepchild since they were an infant, being happy in a stepfamily is going to be extremely tough and maybe impossible. I firmly believe women have the capability to love another woman's child like she would love her own but I think that capability gets pushed way past the limit when it comes to stepchildren and their bioparents.

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

2SteppinInCali's picture

those of us don't have bio-children? I really feel as though I am missing the mother gene. I always wonder wouold I be better at this if I had my own kids? Maybe I would understand and identify with future DH and BM more regarding parenting and unconditional love. I am a teacher. I do love kids but having Skids in my home 24/7 makes me feel ike I am always working.

I admire you for putting your foot down. You can only try so hard for so long.