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This is small potatoes isn't it?

Bonus Wife's picture

Oldest sd (20) is in a correctional facility. She calls DH on our phone and mentions that she's waiting for "mom" to visit her but so far, no show. Dad reassures her "mom" will be there if she promised her that. Then, he decides to call "mom" using his cell, to find out where she is and if she is going. Turns out she's not going and relays message to SD. It's NOT a big deal and I kept it ZIPPED for a change as Fearless suggested to do in some instances...BUT...I want to know why my husband is getting in the middle of this??? I want him so bad to have as little contact with the ex as possible. (Not because she is mean but because they are both so darn co-dependent on each other and I'm gonna lose it soon.

So, I guess it doesn't end at 18 when the kids move out of their bios house? It goes on as long as the DH lets it.... I don't want to sound mean, but I think hubby should have told her to call "mom's" house herself to find out and not be involved. Of course, he's helping his kid find out what she needs to know but kid doesn't need anyone caretaking her any more. She needs to start taking responsiblity for herself. I kept it zipped but I hope I don't explode about this down the road. I just knew if I said anything that day would have been ruined. As it turned out, he kept referring to her as "mom" again, instead of "your mom" and that just gives me knots in my stomach.. Can someone please put a good spin on this for me? In reality, I know it wasn't a big deal and I'm grateful stuff like this is our big issues. Thanks.


Ms.J's picture

I feel your pain in the 'mom' versus 'your mom' thing. I get literally sick to my stomach when I hear bf slip and say this. It really shouldn't be a big deal, but it's just so intimate. Like 'mom' should be sitting right across from us. I'm very careful of this myself with my kids and always make sure I say 'YOUR dad'. BF slips up a LOT too. I think some of it is because up until recently, he still referred to himself in the 3rd person with ss (who will be 7 in two months) As in "Can you hand that to daddy?" or "Daddy needs to do this" GAG. It took me forever to convince him that you only do the 3rd person thing to teach babies and toddlers who people are... not kids. He still slips up on that too though. Anyway, sorry to get off topic... that just p*sses me off.

Little Jo's picture

I can't think of a positive spin on this one. I see no reason for him to get involved and try to fix what is not his to fix. The relationship between Mother and Son, at that age, is between mother and son.

Best thoughts - Jo

Bonus Wife's picture

Thats what DH does when talking on the phone to his daughter sometimes and I haven't said anything to him but when he called me a her to his ex wife I flipped. I said...use my name if you are talking about something relating to me. Dang it! Don't say "we are going to her neices"...say "we are going to ***'s neices house".

What does that mean subconsciously? Is anyone here a therapist???

Little Jo's picture

Have you ever talked to him about this? and what does he have to say?